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Yeah this was kind of my stance too which is why I started the thread to get others opinion. She doesn't want to tell the guy she's still "looking" so what if the guy has developed pretty strong feelings for her and he's not aware that she's still "shopping" but under the impression that they're moving toward something serious and if that is how he's feeling, I doubt he would be ok with her still looking. I think she really wants to be more with the guy however she's afraid to voice that to him so she wants to date other men until he says he wants a committed relationship.
It really depends on what "dating" entails. If she is already at the point where she is sleeping with them, probably it's not a very honorable thing to keep the fact that she is still looking around hidden. If she doesn't let him know she wants exclusivity, then what will happen is he will be equally insecure and not mention it either - then they will have ruined the beginning of what should have been a beautiful and pure relationship by having sex with other people. Later on all these facts will catch up with them.
Read the thread. We said that no one should be sleeping with more than one at a time...but just getting to know people when you are not in a relationship is different. It is trying to find the "one" person to be interested in.
When I started dating my dh I was also dating a couple of other guys. I tried not to jump from one relationship to the next, so I would end up dating around casually. In hind sight I'm glad I did. I had some nice dates before the dh and I committed. One of the guys I was seeing was a soprano sax player and he took me out one night and had a little set up in a piano bar where he played for me. It was romantic and sweet. Good times.
The only "message" any guy who likes a woman should get when other guys want to take her out too is that she's very desirable
But when she mentions it, it has a tendency to have the complete opposite effect.
Sure I've dated two women at once but I would never EVER bring it up to either of them. Just common sense tactfulness. There is no point in my mind. I know I'm a good looking, hot stud-muffin. No use saying, "I got five other women knocking at my door, you better impress me now little miss." Why? O yeah, I forgot, I have self esteem
I on the other hand I've had women just come out and say that they're dating around and seeing other guy(s) at the same time. I don't know if it is a male thing but a switch is immediately switched in my head from a possible LTR mindset to a pump-n-dump mindset. My pursuit is more aggressive but not to win her over to being exclusive with me (as she probably thinks) BUT just to be the first one to get her in bed. After that, who cares...
But when she mentions it, it has a tendency to have the complete opposite effect.
Sure I've dated two women at once but I would never EVER bring it up to either of them. Just common sense tactfulness. There is no point in my mind. I know I'm a good looking, hot stud-muffin. No use saying, "I got five other women knocking at my door, you better impress me now little miss." Why? O yeah, I forgot, I have self esteem
I on the other hand I've had women just come out and say that they're dating around and seeing other guy(s) at the same time. I don't know if it is a male thing but a switch is immediately switched in my head from a possible LTR mindset to a pump-n-dump mindset. My pursuit is more aggressive but not to win her over to being exclusive with me (as she probably thinks) BUT just to be the first one to get her in bed. After that, who cares...
Ah the switch. It's like throwing a switch on a Square-D three phase disconnect! I don't know about you other guys but "I" don't want to or need to hear that. It makes me cold! It also tells me she could care less about me and doesn't even think enough to concentrate. Again, I'm not talking about following a personal or going out once or twice. How can one date more than 1 after a year? That concept just puzzles me!
I will not accept a date with a guy that I wouldn't want to ****.
That's just wrong.
Chemistry is a must, so there is no "dating multiple people I'm not having sex with" , that's not a date, that's just awkward!
I believe in giving my man primacy, so it's definitely one at a time for me...
I'm all or nothing, I can't half-ass it.
IMO, anything less IS!
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I only "DATE" ONE AT A TIME!
