A Girl's How to Ward Off Advances (Nicely) Guide (movies, girlfriend, women)
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I have a question. Every time a guy hits on me or tries to flirt, I get really pissed off.
What's wrong with me? It really ruins my inner peace and I wish I could just wear a sign that says "if you are looking for anything more than friendship, then back off"
I'm sending all these negative vibes and attention from any guy really stresses me out. There was this guy in one of my classes - goodlooking but he just would not shut up and I was trying to pay attention to the coursework.
HOw can I become a more pleasant and kind person? How can I better handle these situations? I think I just brutally crush/offend guys who try to be nice and it's not that I want to.... but I try to make myself clear..... And I hate being in that situation.
Like laughing at a guy's stupid jokes that are not funny to not hurt his feelings (done that, it gets tiring)
Going off on someone because he suggested that we have a lot in common
Really I am on a roll.
I think it might be b/c I like someone else and right now is not a good time for me to get into these things anyway.... How can I send this message out loud and clear?
I have a question. Every time a guy hits on me or tries to flirt, I get really pissed off.
What's wrong with me? It really ruins my inner peace and I wish I could just wear a sign that says "if you are looking for anything more than friendship, then back off"
I'm sending all these negative vibes and attention from any guy really stresses me out. There was this guy in one of my classes - goodlooking but he just would not shut up and I was trying to pay attention to the coursework.
HOw can I become a more pleasant and kind person? How can I better handle these situations? I think I just brutally crush/offend guys who try to be nice and it's not that I want to.... but I try to make myself clear..... And I hate being in that situation.
Like laughing at a guy's stupid jokes that are not funny to not hurt his feelings (done that, it gets tiring)
Going off on someone because he suggested that we have a lot in common
Really I am on a roll.
I think it might be b/c I like someone else and right now is not a good time for me to get into these things anyway.... How can I send this message out loud and clear?
You must be dealing with foolish men. Most can read your body language loud and clear. It the same as when one gets cold on you. We just know it.
Are you positive that they're all hitting on you and not just being friendly?
I befriended a girl at work whom I had no romantic interest in at all once, and we hung out a few times and got along great. We watched movies sitting on her bed and I didn't think anything was going to happen; we went for a long drive in my car with the top down that started in the afternoon and ended near sunset, and I never once had the slightest romantic urge towards her. We got along really well, and I was really happy to have met someone that I got along with so perfectly. She was quickly becoming one of my best friends.
I invited her to a show that a band we'd both expressed interest in was playing and even specifically noted it was with some of my friends. In response, I got the "look, I'm totally not into you, okay? I mean, you're really awesome and fun and cool but I really don't find you attractive and never, ever will and I feel like you're getting waaaaaay too far into me which is really jacked up and creepy, cause that's what my boy-girl radar is picking up is happening here" speech.
I was really, really hurt and offended.
In doing so, she proved herself to be a class-A *****, and I rarely spoke to her after that, even after she apologized and realized she was totally wrong (I had a girlfriend at the time I was fiercely devoted to and pretty much everyone knew it). It did break my heart, but not in a romatic way... just in a decent human being way.
Just curious (and not in an accusatory way), but why are you so averse to attention from any guy?
BBJ is right; most of us can pick up on when a girl isn't interested. I sure as hell can. I don't need to be told twice, and usually not even once. Maybe part of the problem is that you're assuming that every guy has an ulterior motive and just wants to use you?
They can just be trying to be friendly. I don't assume a man is interested in me until he tells me or asks me out. Until then, if he talks to me, I assume its just friendly. Try to see them as just trying to make friends, maybe then you'll be more friendly and that doesn't mean you have to flirt either, just be nice and pleasant.
Maybe he thinks that you like him cause you laugh at his jokes during class. Next time, just turn towards him and let him know that you would like to concentrate on your studies and will have to leave the jokes for after class.
Are you positive that they're all hitting on you and not just being friendly?
I befriended a girl at work whom I had no romantic interest in at all once, and we hung out a few times and got along great. We watched movies sitting on her bed and I didn't think anything was going to happen; we went for a long drive in my car with the top down that started in the afternoon and ended near sunset, and I never once had the slightest romantic urge towards her. We got along really well, and I was really happy to have met someone that I got along with so perfectly. She was quickly becoming one of my best friends.
I invited her to a show that a band we'd both expressed interest in was playing and even specifically noted it was with some of my friends. In response, I got the "look, I'm totally not into you, okay? I mean, you're really awesome and fun and cool but I really don't find you attractive and never, ever will and I feel like you're getting waaaaaay too far into me which is really jacked up and creepy, cause that's what my boy-girl radar is picking up is happening here" speech.
I was really, really hurt and offended.
In doing so, she proved herself to be a class-A *****, and I rarely spoke to her after that, even after she apologized and realized she was totally wrong (I had a girlfriend at the time I was fiercely devoted to and pretty much everyone knew it). It did break my heart, but not in a romatic way... just in a decent human being way.
Just curious (and not in an accusatory way), but why are you so averse to attention from any guy?
BBJ is right; most of us can pick up on when a girl isn't interested. I sure as hell can. I don't need to be told twice, and usually not even once. Maybe part of the problem is that you're assuming that every guy has an ulterior motive and just wants to use you?
This has happened to me, and the frustrating part is that they dont believe you when you tell them you arent into them that way either. They think you are just trying to save face..
Well, why must a man approach a woman instead of the other way around? Find out why, and then blame THAT process or anthropological development.
As to why she might not want attention from men, the majority of men are interested in women in a sexual sense, they would even extend an interest in a sexual relationship to most of their female "friends". Whereas, women appear to deal differently with that, they are generally NOT interested in a "friend" sexually.
Get a nice ring and a plain band, and then wear them on your left hand. Problem solved. Any interest from that point should be just the friendly type and if it gets to be pushy, then you can always without defensiveness point to the ring and say "Taken". You don't have to get into a big story or justify that you are not in the "market" to the inevitable inquiring minds.
FWIW, I agree with the calm down comment. Utilize another method such as the fake ring ploy to begin to distinguish between friendliness and come ons. Eventually you will build tools to ward off even the most persistent would be Romeo. Best of luck to you.
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