Battle Of The Sexes: The Girl/guy "Code" (wives, boyfriend)
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Recently, my cousin gives me a ring and tells me about some situation that occurred between her and her (girl) friends. She says her and her girlfriends went to some party and she invited this guy who was only her friend but she had some interest in him. The girls knew about that so they were trying to lay off him but he ended up liking one of her friends instead and they were hitting it off, dancing together, conversing more etc. Basically what happened was that the girls were trying to get him to be around and only have eyes for her but it simply wasn't working.
She told me he also got fed up because he pretty much knew what was going on and felt he didn't need to be in the middle of the drama etc. Basically, when all was said and done her friend and the guy did exchange nothing but did nothing more than dance and talk with each other that night. My cousin got into with her girlfriend because she felt she wasn't respecting the "girl code".
My cousin then got into a slight argument with me because I told her what she didn't want to be told and only told her the truth. 1) That her and the guy were ONLY friends and he is free to like who he wants and she has to deal with it. She doesn't like guys trying to hold her down, she can't do that to him and 2) There is not "girl code" and she can't hold that against her friend. If her friend was possibly rubbing it in her face, then I would understand her being mad but in the end, if its done out of respect and understanding, then she just has to move on and can't be upset. From what she told me, nothing was done maliciously or in a rude manner.
So basically she tries and explains this "girl code" to me for almost an half-an-hour then even tries to see if I follow a "guy code". The conversation ended with her being a stupid, immature 22 year old who can't follow logic and just does everything with emotion.
I say GROW UP to anyone who follows this "unwritten rule" that some people of each sex go by. Personally, I never defended a guy because he was a guy and I never will. I'm the type of person that will even tell my own friends if they are wrong and I wouldn't expect any less from them. I'm just simply about being realistic and logical about situations rather than playing some stupid junior high or high school girl/guy "code". This never appealed to me and it just never will. It kills me that to this day, some people in my age group (20-30) still follow this "unwritten" rule.
I obey the guy code... if he sees her first and says he is interested, I don't get involved with her... Its more about respecting a friend who is interested in someone... its called respect... You can say the same about wives and husbands, basically your "anything goes" attitude is disturbing... there are lines that aren't meant to be cross... I would not be friends with someone that does...
Chuck the guy code. Yeah,you are right though, its about respect indeed. If I had a girl, who I liked but she wasn't interested in me but rather a friend, then I am going to respect and acknowledge that she isn't interested in me and move on. What am I going to do? Whine over someone who just isn't romantically interested in me? Why even waste my time? It's different if we did or had something, if we were boyfriend and girlfriend or former lovers, then I can see an argument in that. If she's simply not into me, then no, why should I put restraints on her or even my friend for that matter?
If its meant to be its meant to be, its as simple as that. If I feel a little jealous then I feel a little jealous, I don't own her. The same thing goes if I was put in the reverse situation. I will respect my friend but I wouldn't want my friend obsessing over someone who isn't or was never his. Disturbing, I would say, is someone who is just straight up stupid and would do something conniving to a friend.
Recently, my cousin gives me a ring and tells me about some situation that occurred between her and her (girl) friends. She says her and her girlfriends went to some party and she invited this guy who was only her friend but she had some interest in him. The girls knew about that so they were trying to lay off him but he ended up liking one of her friends instead and they were hitting it off, dancing together, conversing more etc. Basically what happened was that the girls were trying to get him to be around and only have eyes for her but it simply wasn't working.
She told me he also got fed up because he pretty much knew what was going on and felt he didn't need to be in the middle of the drama etc. Basically, when all was said and done her friend and the guy did exchange nothing but did nothing more than dance and talk with each other that night. My cousin got into with her girlfriend because she felt she wasn't respecting the "girl code".
My cousin then got into a slight argument with me because I told her what she didn't want to be told and only told her the truth. 1) That her and the guy were ONLY friends and he is free to like who he wants and she has to deal with it. She doesn't like guys trying to hold her down, she can't do that to him and 2) There is not "girl code" and she can't hold that against her friend. If her friend was possibly rubbing it in her face, then I would understand her being mad but in the end, if its done out of respect and understanding, then she just has to move on and can't be upset. From what she told me, nothing was done maliciously or in a rude manner.
So basically she tries and explains this "girl code" to me for almost an half-an-hour then even tries to see if I follow a "guy code". The conversation ended with her being a stupid, immature 22 year old who can't follow logic and just does everything with emotion.
I say GROW UP to anyone who follows this "unwritten rule" that some people of each sex go by. Personally, I never defended a guy because he was a guy and I never will. I'm the type of person that will even tell my own friends if they are wrong and I wouldn't expect any less from them. I'm just simply about being realistic and logical about situations rather than playing some stupid junior high or high school girl/guy "code". This never appealed to me and it just never will. It kills me that to this day, some people in my age group (20-30) still follow this "unwritten" rule.
What's your opinions? Your thoughts?
On one level I'm thinking that individuals should respect their friend's attempts to "make a connection" (whatever that may be). However, on the other hand, if it is clear it is not working out, then I think the person being rejected should stand aside, as difficult as it is, and let things play out naturally between the two where it is working out*. This last part does not apply to an individual's girl/boyfriend or wife/husband - they are off limits at all times.
I liken it to a game of chance. If one is losing that night, I don't think that the loser should insist that everyone else lose, too.
*and what if it turns into something really special? It is not right to stand in the way of that IMO.
On one level I'm thinking that individuals should respect their friend's attempts to "make a connection" (whatever that may be). However, on the other hand, if it is clear it is not working out, then I think the person being rejected should stand aside, as difficult as it is, and let things play out naturally between the two where it is working out*. This last part does not apply to an individual's girl/boyfriend or wife/husband - they are off limits at all times.
I liken it to a game of chance. If one is losing that night, I don't think that the loser should insist that everyone else lose, too.
*and what if it turns into something really special? It is not right to stand in the way of that IMO.
To the parts in bold: Of course.
I agree with everything you said and is pretty much what I am stating.
This is a tough one; I agree that if you know your friend is interested in someone then you should stay away from them. I personally wouldn't go near a guy my friend was interested in, but not everybody is like that.
The game though completely changes when the guy ends up interested in the friend instead. The friend has no business getting blamed for it, the the girl in question needs to ask herself "do I really want to fight over a guy who's not interested or grow up and move on?"
Definitely Mike, definitely. I'm rather surprised more people didn't voice their opinions on this matter. I thought it was spark some heated debate. Hehehe
Guy code? How about you guys who insist your friends stay away from your hopeful mate grow up and make the move and approach her already? Is what I would say if I ever came into that situation, which is very unlikely since I'm married hahaha...
This isn't about code, it's about ego. Your cousin couldn't handle the fact he liked another girl. If I was your cousin, I'd let him be free to make his own decision and be happy for my friend.
If there really was something between them, it would have happened before he met her friends. It takes two, right? Ah, but that's something insecure girls cannot deal with. You don't have a claim on anyone ever. If you want to go around controlling your friends, fine but that won't stop him from meeting a stranger who doesn't have to adhere to the 'code'.
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