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I posted here before regarding my situation with my parents and my girlfriend. To keep it short, we are in a same sex relationship and my parents haven't made an effort to invite her with me to visit and It's been a year and a half and I'm not sure where my mother's head is. We are in FLA and my parents in NJ.
My last post was about our upcoming visit in July. My mother hasn't come out and said that my gf is invited so I left it at that. I will be coming Wednesday night, two days earlier, to spend time with them and then head to NYC to meet up with my gf and do our thing before flying back Sunday.
I want to have a conversation with my mother about what she is thinking, where we stand and if and/or when they might be ready to spend time with my gf and me and get to know us. I want to make the point that we are a couple, just like if it was me and a guy, and she's going to have to come to terms with it at one point or another. I'm not going to be pushy or insistant, I just want to know what she is thinking.
Also, how do I deal with her, at times condescending, comments? She comments about me moving down there to be with her, things that we do and/or don't do, and the job my gf has....like all of it is not good enough for her.
We've been talking over the phone and of course, on the phone everything is fine, but I do sense a weirdness between us. I want to resolve that weirdness eventually and I feel that opening the communication with her will be a start.
Also, I want to make sure that she understands that I'm not going to be making special trips and going out of my way to see them without her, especially Holidays and things.
Communication is a start. What you may want to avoid is trying to prove yourself, your relationship, your worthiness or your partner's worthiness. One way to do this is to always be on your best behavior with your mother while trying to maintain boundaries at the same time.
Instead of waiting for your mother to invite your girlfriend, ask her if you can bring her to meet the family. When you ask, you are finding out your mother's boundaries. You need a "yes" or "no" answer and it needs to be respected. You stay on your best behavior by being prepared for both answers. This is how you avoid being pushy or insistent. No need to ask how she feels about your relationship with another female. If she says "no" and you still want to see your parents, then go with your original plan of meeting up with your girlfriend.
Also, I want to make sure that she understands that I'm not going to be making special trips and going out of my way to see them without her, especially Holidays and things.
Well, then this is your boundary. Both sides can say "no" to each other.
I don't think any parent really expects their child to end up with an alternative lifestyle. It's something that takes some time to process and accept. Some people, especially older or very religious people, may never accept their child's same-sex partner as a member of the family.
On the other hand, you've been talking to your mother about it for a year and a half, and she has been willing to listen and offer advice (that's what it's called when moms criticize you ). She may not be sure what the etiquitte of the situation is, how to refer to your partner when she's inviting you, if the two of you should be given separate rooms for your stay, etc. If you have younger sibliings still at home, that might also be a reason for not inviting your partner.
Can you invite your parents to visit you? Maybe if they saw you in your home and in your role as half of a committed relationship, they'd understand that you're serious about your lifestyle and your partner.
Kate, please, HOW MANY threads are you going to start asking the same questions over and over and over and over.....
Pull up the other threads that a lot of posters gave you excellent advice concerning your mother and your gf.
Really, it's getting old. Your mother is uncomfortable, respect her for that and see her when you can. When the time comes, all of you including your gf will be able to be together. Not now.
I don't think any parent really expects their child to end up with an alternative lifestyle. It's something that takes some time to process and accept. Some people, especially older or very religious people, may never accept their child's same-sex partner as a member of the family.
Oh please. She's had plenty of time to process this. It's not what I dreamed for my dd but she has her own dreams and I knew that if I didn't process and accept this pretty quickly I stood the chance of losing her and I wouldn't be able to live with that. I was 32 when I had her too, so I wasn't an extra young mother and I'm a Christian so I don't see that as an excuse either.
Still, yes, the reality is that some parents will never accept their child's lifestyle and that's too bad b/c they're missing out on some potentially very rewarding relationships. And then if the girls decide to settle down into a relationship and have children, am I going to be stupid and miss my chance to be a grandmother? HE!! NO.
Just talk straight... it is the universal solution for solving problems with anyone except your love interest, and your moma ain't ya love interest now is she?
Get some balls and talk.
Also, I want to make sure that she understands that I'm not going to be making special trips and going out of my way to see them without her, especially Holidays and things.
Then you need to tell her this, when you both sit down and have your lil` talk. Tell her upfront that this is the way things are, and how you would like things to be this way, and you would want things to go in this direction.
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). She may not be sure what the etiquitte of the situation is, how to refer to your partner when she's inviting you, if the two of you should be given separate rooms for your stay, etc. If you have younger sibliings still at home, that might also be a reason for not inviting your partner.
