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What do men think about women who forgives an infidelity or even an affair? Does this forgiveness leaves an open door for do it again? Please I want to hear men's point of view and if you would elaborate. Thank you
I can't really answer with any authority as I've never cheated on a girlfriend or my ex-wife. I have been cheated on several times and in a couple of instances forgave them and gave them a second chance. In both instances they ended up leaving me soon after.
What do men think about women who forgives an infidelity or even an affair? Does this forgiveness leaves an open door for do it again? Please I want to hear men's point of view and if you would elaborate. Thank you
Regardless of what story a man might conjure up deep down inside I believe a man would generally see this( Forgiveness) as weakness. Maybe some men would view this differently but I feel most men would continue after a brief pause.....A pause to settle things down and the WHAM of to the races again.
I have personal experience here......I went through a period of time where I was unfaithful...In the relationships where I was forgiven I viewed this "Forgiveness" as weakness......I usually waited for awhile let things cool play the "Good Boy" and repeat the behavior again. While I have since learned that at this time in my life I had little or no self respect I had less for a woman who would allow this...It wasn't until My first wife caught me and served me my "Papers" within a few weeks of discovery that I saw what a principled woman would and should do. Panicked, I made every gesture known to have her "Please" take me back. No dice !!!! I lost quite a bit. What I gained was knowledge that I would seek out help for my low level of self respect. After many years of work I came to understand why I did what I did.
I now have a freedom that is wonderful. I am in a comitted and happy marriage but I know that I have chosen a woman who like my ex -wife would throw me to the wolves if I do anything stupid....Not to worry I am in a much better place today tan that dreadful time in my life.
I have spoken to many men who continue to cheat on their significant others. Almost all have a deep disdain for women. Women who have forgiven these men are viewed as fools...I'm sorry to say this but it is what I have discovered. Men who view women in this way need help. I hope this helped you somewhat. I have written about this before and am very interested in helping men who are unfaithful work on themselves......So much destruction and sadness to those women who have been victumized.
Spiritwalker
Men who allow themselves to have an affair once will most likely allow it again. We all have to set the bar high for standards and values, when there is respect for someone you care about it should be strong enough and have high values and standards. When infidelity occurs ~ the respect has been lost.
Nothing just happens; it is allowed to occur. Never put yourself in a compromising position or location and infidelity then doesn’t occur. Respect is earned! It is trust and you can’t trust someone who has lost their respect for you and lowered the values that was once there.
I have never cheated in my relationships, but I would have to say that there is no one size fits all answer for this one.
When I was younger I always said that if a girlfriend cheated on me that would be the end of the relationship right there and then. Now that I am a little older, I would have to look at the entire circumstances before I decided how I was going to proceed.
I know that is not much of an answer, but like I said it really depends on the situation.
I can say that I would have a hard time respecting a woman that kept me around if I had cheated on her multiple times because that would tell me she has no boundaries.
I find it interesting that this is directed at men, as I know of more women that have cheated then I do men ... and men talk to men. However I believe that if you stay in a relationship with a cheater, you are either one of two things. You are either a cheater too or you are afraid you can't make it alone in the world?
If my wife cheated on me, I'd wouldn't leave, she would be the one leaving. And she'd be lucky if I put her out the door in anything more than her underwear.
I find it interesting that this is directed at men, as I know of more women that have cheated then I do men ... and men talk to men. However I believe that if you stay in a relationship with a cheater, you are either one of two things. You are either a cheater too or you are afraid you can't make it alone in the world?
If my wife cheated on me, I'd wouldn't leave, she would be the one leaving. And she'd be lucky if I put her out the door in anything more than her underwear.
1st, is that really true, you know of more women who cheat then men?
2nd. your right, wish I would have put him on the front porch in his underwear...I don't know his new wife, but I feel very badly for her. He is a class act...I mean that in a negative way
There are no absolutes when feelings are involved. With that said ... it depends very much on two distinct and very different responses from the cheater and the cheated on. For the sake of the post assume the man did the cheating.
The best indication of the future, is the past. If there is a need for change , then doing the same thing and expecting different results, is defined as insanity... and who would be considered the most insane... the cheater or the one who stays with the cheater? BUT... people can change... and you can get different results.
The man must be totally repentant and earn his way back to acceptance. Separation would be in order, not necessarily in different homes but definitely in different rooms. He must also be accountable, not only to his wife, but to other respectable men. Accountability means transparency... no cave dwellers, bad things happen in dark places. No secrets... that means e-mails, web sites, cell phone... not secrets.
For the woman it is about her heart, and restoration of trust. She will fight an emotional battle not only with herself but with so many opinions. She must allow/give time for healing.... and it will be HER decision about the relationship. If she can not be whole and the relationship function normally... she needs to make the choice. There is no shame in a woman who can not live inside a relationship that has torn her in such a manner. Let me add... she must forgive him even if she can not be married to him. Her ability to forgive ..... will allow her to move on. Easy to say, hard to do.
I know a woman who's quite proud that she's forgiven her husband 7 times and, 7 times, he's apologized and promised not to do it again.
Need I say how religious they are?
So, I have to ask,
why on earth would a woman want to stay with the only man who's ever cheated on her, when there are 3,000,000,000 others living on the planet who haven't?!!
I'm sorry, but sometimes my own gender frustrates me!
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Speaking for myself only......
