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In tough economic times such as we've recently seen, people sometimes have to make hard choices to go where the job is whether they are male or female.
As long as it didn't take more than a few months to get the spouse at the new location with you, going on ahead is quite normal. I just wouldn't recommend being separated for months and months on end - not good for the relationship.
It completely depends on how long a wait it is before they 'send for you." If it's a week or two, fine. If it's month, forget it. Long-distance marriages or relationships aren't "relationships" at all. People in love find ways to be together, period.
I lost my marriage in part over the issue of relocations. True test of the motivations for being with each other. A lot of people say for better or for worse, but when it comes down to it, it's not that cut and dry. Lots of people end up resenting each other over moves.
See, this wasn't a problems in the days of single income households, but hey, we're in post-feminist America, we're all entitled to pursue our individual happiness in vocations. Ok then, but don't complain when these careers splinter the household across two coasts and now you're in paper relationship, making love to a cell phone, or worse, your neighbor while your spouse is away. Bottom line, someone will have to sell donuts in the new town, for the sake of the relationship. No free lunch in life. I'd never want to have to barter with a spouse over those resenting-causing relocation issues ever again. Put that stuff in the table on day one, and prenup that sucker, or walk away. Don't set yourself up for failure.
Someone has to be the admitted household driver in economic matters, where relocations will in all but small exceptional cases, be driven by that spouse's job. Otherwise what's the point. I can have an LDR with someone I'm not remotely legally bound to,there's no point to LDR marriages with such open ended rejoin timelines. A text doesn't keep me warm at night.
To be clear, the OPs scenario doesn't seem like a problem. If what we're talking about are the short term logistics of moving a household. What I'm addressing (apologies if Im hijacking the thread) is the implication that the spouse is UNwilling or UNhappy about said move, either because he/she doesn't want to move or has a vocation of his/her own that is not favored by the move. If the latter is the case, someone's gonna have to sell donuts or it's divorce city.
It completely depends on how long a wait it is before they 'send for you." If it's a week or two, fine. If it's month, forget it. Long-distance marriages or relationships aren't "relationships" at all. People in love find ways to be together, period.
A week or two???
Suppose one spouse is staying behind to sell the house, or to let kids finish out the last 2 months of their school year? I think healthy marriages can withstand up to 3 months apart if they have to. Beyond that it does get tougher, but hey, you do what you have to do when you need to make a living.
I lost my marriage in part over the issue of relocations. True test of the motivations for being with each other. A lot of people say for better or for worse, but when it comes down to it, it's not that cut and dry. Lots of people end up resenting each other over moves.
See, this wasn't a problems in the days of single income households, but hey, we're in post-feminist America, we're all entitled to pursue our individual happiness in vocations. Ok then, but don't complain when these careers splinter the household across two coasts and now you're in paper relationship, making love to a cell phone, or worse, your neighbor while your spouse is away. Bottom line, someone will have to sell donuts in the new town, for the sake of the relationship. No free lunch in life. I'd never want to have to barter with a spouse over those resenting-causing relocation issues ever again. Put that stuff in the table on day one, and prenup that sucker, or walk away. Don't set yourself up for failure.
Someone has to be the admitted household driver in economic matters, where relocations will in all but small exceptional cases, be driven by that spouse's job. Otherwise what's the point. I can have an LDR with someone I'm not remotely legally bound to,there's no point to LDR marriages with such open ended rejoin timelines. A text doesn't keep me warm at night.
To be clear, the OPs scenario doesn't seem like a problem. If what we're talking about are the short term logistics of moving a household. What I'm addressing (apologies if Im hijacking the thread) is the implication that the spouse is UNwilling or UNhappy about said move, either because he/she doesn't want to move or has a vocation of his/her own that is not favored by the move. If the latter is the case, someone's gonna have to sell donuts or it's divorce city.
............and I'm a runaway freight train speeding right into this very scenario.
I know quite a few people who have done this simply because it was an economic necessity. I worked for a big company with a large work force in 14 states and people were sometimes faced with relocating, usually to Denver, or being let go with a severance package. In fact it happened to me but I was single. A guy I worked with also had to move from Seattle to Denver like I did and it took an entire year for his wife to get transferred down there. This is fairly common in certain industries and I don't think it makes any difference whatsoever whether it's the man or the woman who has to move first.
It completely depends on how long a wait it is before they 'send for you." If it's a week or two, fine. If it's month, forget it. Long-distance marriages or relationships aren't "relationships" at all. People in love find ways to be together, period.
That isn't true at all. Sometimes circumstances force distance. When we were emigrating my husband came to the US while I was in Australia. We spent 2 months apart sorting out Visa stuff.
We had done this previously as well when he was coming out to Australia, again it was 2 months apart.
We didn't run off with the neighbour simply because we had to spent some time away from one another.
............and I'm a runaway freight train speeding right into this very scenario.
Are you the party that's driving the relocation or the party that feels forced to follow the person seeking relocation?
Either way, my sympathies. I'm out of that business, personally. I fly solo from now on, unless someone is committed enough to accept a subordinate household role and doesn't want my money as collateral. I know, I'm smoking crack if I think that's likely. Oh well.
Good luck to you, you're gonna need it.
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