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Entertaining thread at most but generalizing alot!
When I was married ( 10 years) My ex husband and I never got that comfortable...we always worked out kept up our appearances and so forth..
Even know though we are divorced we still work out and take care of ourselves...
My parents have been married for 41 years and they still have yet to do this...
Sounds like you are speaking of some people that have low self esteem to start with
Why don't you quit reading those fictitious novels of "real life", and go out and create your own novel based on a factual life....get your head outa the sand man!!
Why don't you quit reading those fictitious novels of "real life", and go out and create your own novel based on a factual life....get your head outa the sand man!!
I speak from the glorious insight of personal experiences.
I speak from the glorious insight of personal experiences.
That's what happened to you and your wife? I don't doubt a lot of married couples end up that way, but as mentioned earlier, they were probably already on their way when they got married. OTOH, men do fair better health wise when married.
I know couples who did that the moment they got together - they didn't even wait till married.
And I know married couples who are buff and good-looking as ever.
Usually what I see, though, is one partner keeps up the fight while the other one lets go more. Usually it's the woman trying hard and the guy letting go.
During dating most people are very attentive to their manners, appearance, body odors, language, etc.
Then they get married. Both start to slip a bit. Soon, the man shaves only once per week, changes underwear once per month, and gets stinking drunk almost every night, spends all his days in front of the TV.
The woman spends all day in her housecoat, usually naked beneath, always has her hair in curlers, smokes like a factory, and uses language that would embarrass a construction worker.
How long does it take before the couple gets this far?
I started letting myself go before marriage.
I gained 7 pounds and my husband gained 10 pounds. I started wearing pajamas around the house and ditched the contacts for the glasses pretty quickly. Part of that is that I can't read with contacts. I also stopped working out as much. But I guess I was just returning to baseline. When I met him I was probably underweight and initially I made an effort to be less slobby, but could not keep it up.
I suppose it is most likely to happen if keeping up appearances is not top of your list in the first place and has not become a part of your daily life, but is instead something you do for someone else. So, it can't apply to all couples, or as some have said, it may be one of the partners. I have yet to see any of my friends or my parents or their friends ended up this way...and my parents just celebrated their 40th anniversary! My mom's weight fluctuated due to health problems, but she is (at 65) almost to her 35-year-old self again. That is quite an accomplishment, I think, and takes some real dedication. To this day, she dresses up for all occasions....jewelry, heels, usually dresses and skirts. She has never worn much makeup, but she gets her hair done professionally once per week.
Sure, when you are ill or battling losing a loved one (such as when my grandparents died, and when my mom had GBS,) you are going to lapse a bit, but if you are generally concerned for your health and appearance, you get yourself right back up and start your routine again.
So, as others have asked the OP: where are you getting your fictional couple from? Because I've living in crappy, cheap trailer parks where I've met young dating couples with this behavior, while older couples remained prim and proper...the guy wearing smart hats and the women still doing laundry on the line and ironing everything all crisp on daily basis. Maybe the OP lives somewhere not so savory?
As someone else in this thread said, letting yourself go is a self-esteem issue. If you feel good about yourself and have good self-worth, getting fat and sloppy just isn't an option. I also think the more affluent and educated a couple is, the less likely this is to happen (I know there are exceptions, obviously). I work in academia and in my department, there are 24 people and only one is overweight. The rest are thin and take care of themselves.
Geography also plays a part. There are a hell of a lot more fat people in Alabama and Mississippi than there are in Southern California or Vermont.
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