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(I already posted this in the Pregnancy forum, but thought since this was more a relationship issue I'd like to get your guys lovely opinions as well...)
My husband and I are now around 29 weeks pregnant. Through out my pregnancy he's been very protective of me and he's getting to the point of overbearing. It just seems like I never do anything right. (This is the first child for both of us.)
When I was in my 1st trimester I was constantly tired... I woke up about 4:45 after not sleeping very well, worked from 5:30am to 1pm, came home and immediatley fell to sleep and woke up to make him dinner if I could around 4pm (my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't stand the smell of food for a few weeks so I didn't/couldn't cook or do dishes... I lived off saltine crackers and sugar free pudding.) then go right back to sleep and wake up at 4:45am to go to work again... I was sleeping around 15 hours a day. He said I wasn't doing enough, the dishes weren't done, his dinner wasn't cooked etc... so I actually had to call my mother over a few times to do our dishes because I couldn't without getting sick.
Now that I'm in my 3rd trimester I'm doing too much. I was put on to bed rest after going to the doctor to have swelling checked. They said I had very mild signs of preeclampsia BUT my blood pressure was amazing as it always has been. My doctor told me to go home and rest for a few days and if the swelling or other symptoms came back to call her. That was the 8th of July. On Saturday the 9th we went out of town on a trip (where all I had to do was walk from the car to a resteraunt, and back... and from the car to the hotel and back.) and since then I've been taking it easy around the house, not lifting things but since I'm starting to "nest" I've been going shopping which makes him mad because he says I HAVE to stay home, and lay in bed. The doctor just told me to take it easy, not that I was confined to bed. If I lift anything he gets upset with me, (a month ago I lifted an almost empty tool bag (had maybe 5 tools in it) that maybe weighed 8lbs and he went balistic and actually yelled at me.)
Anyway... this morning we were talking...I bought our baby boy an outfit that matches his dad's work gear (Carhartt overalls) and said how I'd like to get him a little pair of boots, bigger so that it didn't hurt his feet because a lot of people say not to put shoes on babies until they are actually walking... and he starts telling me how selfish I am because I'm not doing what the books says, and how I'm not doing what's best for our child and that I haven't been. I am the one carrying him, and doing all the research... if I feel just the slightest bit wrong I call the doctor. I just feel he's being an ass and I don't know why. Maybe it's the hormones but I'm just in tears... I'm trying not to let this stress me out for our baby's sake.
Did anyone else have this issue when they were pregnant?
I didnt have those issue either. Im sorry but the both of you are not pregnant, you are. It sounds to me that you are taking care of yourself and not doing anything that would harm your unborn child. There is no one right way or instruction book to do what is best for your baby much less your pregnancy. You have to do what you feel is best which includes taking care of your emotional health as well as your physical health. Before your son is born, your DH needs to get his act together and give you some support instead of criticism.
Does he have some dissability that prevents him from cooking or washing dishes?
It sounds like this pregnancy has been very difficult for you both. I'm glad that so far you and the baby are doing well and I wish you a safe and healthy delivery in a few months.
I agree with you that he's not reacting beautifully. I also feel a little sorry for the guy and of course, sorry for you too. None of these issues are easy to deal with. It wasn't fun for you to be basically incapacitated by morning sickness and it wasn't fun for him to suddenly take on the load that two adults had once assumed. It may have been hard for him to understand how awful you really felt. Pregnancy hits everyone differently. One person is fine and everything goes smoothly. The next spends months barfing every second and it's like they got hit by a truck. I wonder if maybe he's more used to the first model from family members and coworkers and thought you were playing it up a bit. It's hard to know.
With the issues you're having lately, my suspicion is that he's scared for you and the baby. Pregnancy can be a scary time for some guys. You're the one carrying the baby and they have virtually no control over anything. You get to make all the decisions (at least from a medical standpoint.) If the doctor says, "I would take it easy," you are the one who gets to decide what that looks like. He can't watch you every second and ultimately he can't control what you decide to do. If he feels what you're doing is risky, that could bring up a lot of fears for him, and that may be why he's reacting so strongly now. I don't know. But it might be worth a conversation and a little bit of give and take. Sometimes when these things start coming up it's because neither side feels heard and both sides want to know their feelings will be taken seriously. Even though it's your body carrying the child, ideally decisions would be made between both partners. If there's disagreement (whether it's on when to wear shoes, cloth diapers versus disposable, or how to discipline when they're a toddler), it's critical to work as a team and make decisions together. Good luck.
No, I had no issues with my then husband while I was pregnant.
I'm sorry, your husband sounds like a complete douchebag to me.
Good luck.
I don't have kids, but I agree with Djuna. Dbag. Totally. He is treating you like you are alternately an ignorant child, possession, slave, and brood mare. You need that kind of paternalism and sexism like a hole in the head, and if I were you, I would tell him how you feel before he gets it in his head that he can dominate and rule over you in parenting, too.
Oh, and not for nothing, but you are pregnant, not him. Did that "my husband and I are now around 29 weeks pregnant" stuff come from him, too?
When I was in my 1st trimester I was constantly tired... I woke up about 4:45 after not sleeping very well, worked from 5:30am to 1pm, came home and immediatley fell to sleep and woke up to make him dinner if I could around 4pm (my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't stand the smell of food for a few weeks so I didn't/couldn't cook or do dishes... I lived off saltine crackers and sugar free pudding.) then go right back to sleep and wake up at 4:45am to go to work again... I was sleeping around 15 hours a day. He said I wasn't doing enough, the dishes weren't done, his dinner wasn't cooked etc... so I actually had to call my mother over a few times to do our dishes because I couldn't without getting sick.
Why can't he cook his own dinner and do his own dishes?? Are his hands broken? Dbag.
Have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and how he is making you feel. Take it from there and good luck.
Last edited by JustJulia; 07-13-2011 at 03:08 PM..
Reason: Removed reference to deleted comment.
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