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I don't know about the other women...but for me, yes I have to admit that I am picky... I want a guy that has it all... the education, the money, the profession, the house, intelligence, good looks, etc.
I am single and am presently seeing a lot of men... Do I feel guilty? Not one minute. I am financially secure, mature, very good looking (I still can have any 20 yr old any day and I'm 55). Do I need ONE man to make me happy? No... in fact I need a lot. LOL
Do I care what people think? Not at all... It is MY life... I call the shots... It's now my way or the highway...
I think I deserve, now, to have the kind of life that I want.
I don't know about the other women...but for me, yes I have to admit that I am picky... I want a guy that has it all... the education, the money, the profession, the house, intelligence, good looks, etc.
I am single and am presently seeing a lot of men... Do I feel guilty? Not one minute. I am financially secure, mature, very good looking (I still can have any 20 yr old any day and I'm 55). Do I need ONE man to make me happy? No... in fact I need a lot. LOL
Do I care what people think? Not at all... It is MY life... I call the shots... It's now my way or the highway...
I think I deserve, now, to have the kind of life that I want.
Interesting that love isn't included in the lists of what you're looking for or what you have to offer.
Maybe we're giving-up on ever finding or believing in romantic love? If so, what do we replace it with? Does it need replacing?
As I read this, I think about my mom and how things have changed. She was a child of the depression and grew up in a time when the only acceptable jobs for women were housewife, teacher, and nurse. And if you were a nurse or a teacher, you usually quit after you got married. Women needed men to survive and raise children. Men were the breadwinners. They were ashamed if they didn't make enough money to support their families and their wife 'had' to work. This was the big fight at my house when I was a kid. Mom wanted to work and Dad didn't want her to because the neighbors would think he didn't make enough money! Sounds silly now. My mom was the feminist because she wanted to drive a car and work outside the home.
Dad was more than a little abusive. When I got old enough to ask mom why she didn't leave the answers were always financial. Mom didn't think she could make enough money. So she spent her whole life with an abusive husband. I can remember her telling me to get an education and make sure I would never 'have' to depend on anyone for anything. I listened.
Now most women can take care of themselves. They no longer 'need' a man to raise a family. Seems like women keep stepping up to the plate and men keep backing up. I know a lot of men who are perfectly happy unemployed and supported by their SO. So we don't 'need' men. Do we want them? I think we probably got what we asked for!
I have a good friend who is a single woman. Here's the rule she won't break. "I won't be a nurse or a purse." She dates and has a good time but she will never form a lasting relationship with anyone who is looking for a caretaker or a sugar momma. She's only interested in men who are her equal or better.
On some sociobiology sites I visit the guys are convinced that U.S culture is shifting towards de-facto polygamy. Women have become more picky and will only date alpha males, basically only good looking, tall, high status, high income males.
According to this theory women are sharing a shrinking pool of acceptable alpha males. The men in demand will bounce around from one woman to the next whle other men will be single and alone their entire lives. Husbands and boyfriends will cheat more than ever and women will no longer be jealous, they would rather share an alpha male with other women than have an exclusive relationship with a non-alpha.
I was starting to believe the theory was correct, that we are in a quasi-polygymous culture and women want it that way. But then I see on dating sites that women don't want "players" and many women even express hatred towards cheating men. This is so common and widespread that I am convinced that women don't want polygamy or anything close to it.
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What are your thoughts on this subject?
There is a lot of truth in what you say. Its called "serial polygamy".
What women say they want and what their actions betray is often quite different. This may be due to the tendency to be willfully blind to the "rght" type of man and very suspicious of the rest.
My comment is that I'm obviously immune to this. My boyfriend and I are both bi, and we introduced another bi male into the equation. So I have two men.
I don't really know what it's like in the hetero world.
My first reaction is to scoff. But, then again, I remember reading an article a year ago that might speak to that. Among American children born in supposedly monogamous marriages--without artificial insemination or adoption--eight percent of children have no genetic link with the father. The sampling of these was in the thousands, so this was a fairly scientific sampling. In Europe, the number was closer to 12-25%, depending on the country.
Obviously, this means that some of the moms are getting around, and then pretending the new arrival is her husband's. However, what isn't established is if this has always been the case.
You've just encapsulated the problem. You have lonely female friends and your husband has lonely male friends. The females wanted money, and the males aren't worthy of consideration because they're not big earners, are too boyish, and lack confidence. Maybe it's the rejection from all the lonely women with unrealistic expectations that caused the lack of confidence?
What is unrealistic about wanting a partner that is mature, confident and can earn a descent living?
Where are all the non-alpha females in this equation?
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Another ramification of women being more picky is the huge increase in single mothers.
more picky = single mothers. Shouldnt that be just the opposite.
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I know a woman with three children from three different fathers. She didn't care if any of the men would make loving and responsible husbands or fathers, but she insisted that the men were "hot".
Thats stupidity.
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I believe that traditionally our culture put little or no emphasis on male appearene as a protective device to increase the chances that children were raised in a stable loving two-parent enviornment.
Well, looks have nothing to do with being a good spouse or parent.
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Exactly
