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Old 01-01-2016, 06:21 PM
 
4,039 posts, read 3,804,987 times
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I started a thing with a military guy. I thought he was really funny, goofy, kind, sweet, and cute. He pretty much hits most of the points in the link below. I also thought he was different than most guys I've dated, translation: not an ahole.

17 Reasons Military Guys Make The Best Boyfriends | Thought Catalog

The only thing is, he fits number 13 (having great stories) and 10 (hard to figure out his emotions) way too well. He tells a lot of funny stories about things that happened to other people and things he's seen, but I feel like the true him is hiding behind that wall of funny stories. He also has ADHD so I feel like he's in his own world sometimes and pretty spacey and can't seem to hear things people ask him or say to him. He doesn't just do it to me, I noticed him doing this to his friends as well.

As a result of this, I have a hard time connecting with him emotionally. We have a great time together and he satisfies in pretty much every department but the emotional department. It makes me feel like something is missing. I would probably have bolted by now and not look back if everything else wasn't so great. I feel like he's worth putting in some effort.

I know there are some military spouses/gfs in here so I was wondering if any of you experienced the same thing with your partner and how did you break that wall? We've only been seeing each other for 2 months as well. It's not a long time but by now I can at least sense a grasp of most people. He just seems so emotionally mysterious, which may be understandable if he's in the military. I don't know the things he's seen and witnessed.
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Old 01-01-2016, 06:33 PM
 
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IMO you need to have that emotional connection. What will happen to the relationship when another aspect of the relationship starts to fade away? Maybe you two are better off as friends, if you both can make that work..
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:07 PM
 
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I have dated a few military guys and it has been like that with everyone. It takes time because they have experienced so much that it takes them a lot of time to open up emotionally. It is difficult for me because I am solely running off emotions all the time. I guess you have to give him time or let him go. I personally don't see it as a big issue but thats me.
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Old 01-01-2016, 07:29 PM
 
4,039 posts, read 3,804,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gab12 View Post
I have dated a few military guys and it has been like that with everyone. It takes time because they have experienced so much that it takes them a lot of time to open up emotionally. It is difficult for me because I am solely running off emotions all the time. I guess you have to give him time or let him go. I personally don't see it as a big issue but thats me.
Okay, good to know it's not just him. I'm pretty patient.
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Old 01-01-2016, 08:57 PM
 
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Folks in the military or otherwise dangerous professions, their world revolves around controlling their emotions. All too often to react "emotionally" to a situation in the field is to die.


The strength of a man, the true strength is the moment he walks through that front door. Some have bursts of anger, some become recluse, some annoyed, some deal with it by enacting control they feel they've lost. There are countless ways really; masking inner loss with outer humor, drinking, becoming emotionally distant.


Sometime in the spirit of kindness, many just find the best solution is to remain quiet and listen to what they perceive as trivial emotions. Though not trivial to you, to him they might be. Men have a tendency to laser in on the problem and not the interpersonal connection that could be made as a result of the situation (the bigger picture).


One of my best friends is a psychologist


While you might complain about the cold weather and expect some sort of interpersonal, connective response via a short conversation of compassion he's zoned out thinking, "You literally walk from your car to your office. Why are you complaining about something so negligible?"


It takes a rare man of self awareness to realize sometimes the best solution to a problem is not the answer but the words of comfort and an affectionate touch.


I'd confront him with your concerns. Start with the fact you want to know him deeper, and you want him to know you deeper, and to reach that point, for you at least, it important that conversations between you two involve momentary emotional standings. That it is ok to discuss uncomfortable topics with you and that he doesn't have to bury them in the hopes of protecting you...or himself.
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Old 01-01-2016, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,813,578 times
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Not my experience at all, but my spouse (Sr. Chief Petty Officer, USN, in going on 15 years, multiple deployments, etc.) defies essentially every stereotype about "military guys" that exists, so there's that. He's an emotional open book, pretty much a warm fuzzy, no "stiff upper lip" thing going on whatsoever. Good thing, because I have no patience for the "guarded" thing, at all.
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