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We are going through a divorce. I am just the step parent of this child. He is 6. My wife has full custody of this child from her ex. He has no visitation rights, nothing, due to an abusive situation. My wife does not feel she can care for this child, and wants to sign custody over to our friends, who, I must admit, would be better prepared to care for him.
They want a situation, where she could visit, but want to make sure, down the road, she couldn't just change her mind and take him back. Is there such an arrangement? I know we will have to seek an attorney, but before we do, wanted to see if anyone else has ever heard of this.
I think the only way is to go through an attorney. And the court systems and she would have to agree to that. As a mother, I could never agree to that. ]
She may not be in a place to care for the child now, but what about later?
Thats the thing. What if she is able to provide care later? That is why the friends want to make sure of. What if they fall in love with him, then she comes back. Not fair to them, or the boy. I really believe she knows she will never be able to provide for him. Also, I feel she sees him as a burden. This is partly why we had trouble. I feel she loves him, but she puts herself first. I know as a good mother you(in general) could never understand this.
We moved to a new city and I bought a house in a GREAT school district. She complained because she had to walk him 5 minutes to school. Our old district the bus picked him up. The best school in our neighborhood. What mother would not be thrilled???
Also, I must say, the mother and boy are green card holders.She says an attorney in her country can sign full custody to the friends, but we will have to get an attorney to see who's jurisdiction this is under. Her home country or the USA.
We are going through a divorce. I am just the step parent of this child. He is 6. My wife has full custody of this child from her ex. He has no visitation rights, nothing, due to an abusive situation. My wife does not feel she can care for this child, and wants to sign custody over to our friends, who, I must admit, would be better prepared to care for him.
They want a situation, where she could visit, but want to make sure, down the road, she couldn't just change her mind and take him back. Is there such an arrangement? I know we will have to seek an attorney, but before we do, wanted to see if anyone else has ever heard of this.
I was stunned when I read this... How can a mother give away her child... You are the step parent...why can't you help her? I mean this poor little guy has been abandoned by his father now his mother wants to give him away..
This is sad... very sad... I feel sooo sorry for this little one.
I just hope that she got the 'operation' so she will NEVER have kids again.
They want a situation, where she could visit, but want to make sure, down the road, she couldn't just change her mind and take him back. Is there such an arrangement? I know we will have to seek an attorney, but before we do, wanted to see if anyone else has ever heard of this.
I believe she would have to sign over her parental rights. In essense, she would no longer be considered the child's mother, and have no legal standing as such in his life. Once she has done that, her friends would have to legally adopt the child. In order to legally adopt him, they would have to undergo a home visit in order to determine that they would be fit parents and that it would be a secure adoption. If it was deemed that they could proceed with adopting the child, it would then be their "call" whether or not they wished to allow the child's biological mother to have visiting rights. This would all have to be legally documented through an attorney and the juevenile court system. If the parents (and child's biological mother) want visitation between the two, that would need to be written/documented as a legally binding part of the adoption agreement. Once she has signed away her parental rights, (in order to secure a legal adoption for her child) she would be unable to "re-claim" him, or take him back. I am not sure, however, whether a mother can sign over her legal rights AND specify WHO she wants the child to legally live with; be adopted by. The process follows what the law has determined to be in the best interests of the child.
Yes, very sad situation. But obviously the boy would be so much better off without her. She obviously doesn't love or deserve him. The new parents I'm sure will fall in love with him. I don't blame them for not wanting to give him back. Laws vary from state to state, you need to find one where the adoptions laws are irrevocable and finalize an adoption in that state.
The child would most likely need to first be released to the state into the foster care system. The friends would not be able to foster/adopt the child unless they are ALREADY state-qualified foster/adoption parents.
So, the friends could first go through the training, etc. and become foster/adoption parents - this could take 2 months or it could take 6 or more months (depends on how fast or slow your state's system is). They would then foster the child while waiting for the adoption to be finalized.
If the friends were family instead of friends, it would be easier to relinquish custody to them, but if there is no blood relation it makes it tougher.
I would check with a private adoption attorney to see if there is a way around the above.
This poor baby needs stability. She needs to make her mind up once and for all - no taking him back later .
Last edited by riveree; 08-12-2007 at 12:04 PM..
Reason: forgot to add the word "adoption"
Yes, you will have to consult an attorney. I know from a relative's experience that some judges are extremely reluctant to allow a parent to terminate all rights, even if the parent wants to and all parties are in agreement, but that it can be done.
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My 2 cents...
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