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Ive been engaged a couple years to my fiance. We have always gotten along and hung out with his brother and brother's wife. Even when we went through a rough couple of months, his brother and wife always wanted us to work it out. They couldnt stress that enough. They always would ask me to join them to hang out with the two of them when my fiance was busy.
Well, my fiance and his brother have been somewhat (passive-aggresively) fighting with one another. Petty stuff like.. you dont call me enough etc. Well one day, they got in a fight and I sensed I wasnt getting the full story so I peaked at his phone (this is okay in our relationship) because they had been texting back and forth. I saw a text from his brother saying "Please come the (family members) bday party. I dont feel comfortable for her (me)to go because she brings an awkward vibe and you just arent yourself around her. Sorry for being harsh but that's how I feel."
I am just so confused. What did I do?? No one has said anything and I really don't recall doing anything to offend anyone. I just don't get it. Ive asked my fiance and he just says that it is different when just guys hang out and when girls are present. I get this but this was a party with everyone going. My fiance is clearly trying to spare my feelings but I am just so confused. Thoughts?
Ive been engaged a couple years to my fiance. We have always gotten along and hung out with his brother and brother's wife. Even when we went through a rough couple of months, his brother and wife always wanted us to work it out. They couldnt stress that enough. They always would ask me to join them to hang out with the two of them when my fiance was busy.
Well, my fiance and his brother have been somewhat (passive-aggresively) fighting with one another. Petty stuff like.. you dont call me enough etc. Well one day, they got in a fight and I sensed I wasnt getting the full story so I peaked at his phone (this is okay in our relationship) because they had been texting back and forth. I saw a text from his brother saying "Please come the (family members) bday party. I dont feel comfortable for her (me)to go because she brings an awkward vibe and you just arent yourself around her. Sorry for being harsh but that's how I feel."
I am just so confused. What did I do?? No one has said anything and I really don't recall doing anything to offend anyone. I just don't get it. Ive asked my fiance and he just says that it is different when just guys hang out and when girls are present. I get this but this was a party with everyone going. My fiance is clearly trying to spare my feelings but I am just so confused. Thoughts?
There is a different vibe to a group made up of all one sex that can get awkward when one person of the opposite sex shows up.
But to be clear, are you saying the party was mixed sexes, or just all guys?
There is a different vibe to a group made up of all one sex that can get awkward when one person of the opposite sex shows up.
But to be clear, are you saying the party was mixed sexes, or just all guys?
This is an important question. But a more important question is, what kind of brothers have passive-aggressive fights over things like "you don't call me enough"?
Male siblings shouldn't be fighting about gay stuff like that, and when they do fight about important things like football, one of them cheating at golf, etc., they should be direct, not mince words, and use fists when necessary.
Your fiance and his brother need to be examined to make sure they have working pairs of testicles.
Okay then, time to get real with the boyfriend and have some frank discussion.
You have to come clean about what you read on his text history and in a calm way ask him to discuss with you how you have put his family off.
Do your best not to get defensive and give him a chance to be honest with you. In fact, make sure to tell him that you really want him to be honest and tell you what they have shared with him about why you make them uncomfortable. Be open to their concerns and ask your boyfriend his opinion on how to fix things with his family.
This is your best hope for rectifying the situation
We both didnt attend the gathering. I sensed there was more to the fight and that's why i looked at his text. He stuck up for me! The brother apologized to him.... But I was never clear on what I had done!
First of all, if you are engaged to someone who is not talking to you directly about these family issues, then you may want to re-think this relationship.
He is asking you to become a part of his family, indirectly perhaps, but it will be something you will have to deal with from now on. If there is dissonance now, it's reasonable for you to ask directly and have some idea how to navigate going forward.
My boyfriend and his brother have been rivals for years, and it is never truly peaceful. He is never truly peaceful.
If he has these problems, so will you. Decide if this is a battle you want to pick and choose.
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