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Did a little reading, on wikipedia and a little reading into myself, not new news to me but it is confirmed I am a little wacked in the head.
So a topic somehow came up at work about those crazy "cat ladies", you know the woman who is a alone and gathers a bunch of cats to be her "family". I said at one point, guess the way things are going I'll be a male equivalent only instead of cats I'll be surrounded by my guitars. And I chuckled, but honestly it made me think and I found this explanation on wikipedia and it kind of made me sit back when I read some of theories that frankly have me pegged.
"Commitmentphobia is often most strongly apparent in romantic life. Generally, commitmentphobic people claim that they are eager to find a lasting romantic attachment and get married, yet they fail to find appropriate partners and maintain longlasting connections. Ironically, in these romantic relationships, the commitmentphobic partner craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. This paradoxical craving for a frightening reality leads to a confusing and destructive pattern of seduction and rejection. The results are emotionally devastating."
"such behavior is rooted in fear—fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. The commitmentphobic mind sees decisions as permanent, opening the possibility of being caged or trapped forever with no means of escape."
"To assuage their anxieties, many commitmentphobics become fantasy-driven, using their active imaginations to fill in for the lack of emotional security and closeness in their lives. Of course, these fantasies pose additional problems because no potential partner or job can ever live up to the fantasy. Commitmentphobics are also prone to self-destructive behavior, such as walking out on partners without notice, leaving themselves and the people in their lives in untenable situations.
" In fact, commitmentphobic behavior includes "settling" for inappropriate partners, pursuing unattainable partners, and engaging in instant relationship mergers as well as fleeing from what might have appeared to be a stable romance"
those 4 quotes made me feel like I just stared at myself. Specially the parts about afraid of making wrong decisions and they being permanent and I careful about opening myself and being vulnerable. And it is true what it said that I have a pattern of going for temporary partners because I know it won't last.
Although I don't feel like a desperate lonely person usually. I dunno but I like myself for a few reasons , specially being into guitar so much because all my alone time with it is making me better and better at it as time goes by and I really feel accomplishment from that. However there are times like tonight, where I feel a bit down about not having a solid relationship and a twist of loneliness comes on and obviously there is something holding me back that makes me "guarded" a lot of the time. Someone I met recently described me as just that, "guarded" when it came to answering more intimate questions. Hell, I didn't even get a chance to talk about sex and let her add "freaked" besides "guarded".
Male equivalent of the cat lady is the grumpy old man who sits and watches football all day, gives beer to his trusty ol' dog, yells at all the neighborhood kids to get off his lawn, and complains about everything when he really doesn't have any grounds to.
This sounds like me, too. What am I going to do about it? Nothing. Because I'm a poor 25 year old that shouldn't be in a relationship, anyway. Not to mention it's just too fun.
This sounds like me, too. What am I going to do about it? Nothing. Because I'm a poor 25 year old that shouldn't be in a relationship, anyway. Not to mention it's just too fun.
25 years , haha, you are in prime time so have fun. I just turned 45 and even though I don't feel it, some say I don't look it, the number 50 coming up just because of the number can mess with your head. At 25 I gave my heart once and it was crushed. 20 years later I have a lot of good memories with women but none of them lasted over a year. Never married, no kids, no resume of a successful relationship lasting more than a year.
Although mostly the number 50 doesn't remind me of a lack of long term relationships in my past it reminds me of how much I better cram into my head guitar wise as soon as I can so I can compete with the better guitar players out there and rock the stage before I can only play if I sit.
25 years , haha, you are in prime time so have fun. I just turned 45 and even though I don't feel it, some say I don't look it, the number 50 coming up just because of the number can mess with your head. At 25 I gave my heart once and it was crushed. 20 years later I have a lot of good memories with women but none of them lasted over a year. Never married, no kids, no resume of a successful relationship lasting more than a year.
Although mostly the number 50 doesn't remind me of a lack of long term relationships in my past it reminds me of how much I better cram into my head guitar wise as soon as I can so I can compete with the better guitar players out there and rock the stage before I can only play if I sit.
Go out there and take many risks. Life is too short to be spent in trepidations. Be Simba the lionking!
Male equivalent of cat lady is that guy who lives by himself, collects japanese swords and Star Trek figurines, plays video games all the time, and gets together with friends for D&D or LARP.
Male equivalent of cat lady is that guy who lives by himself, collects japanese swords and Star Trek figurines, plays video games all the time, and gets together with friends for D&D or LARP.
Sounds right tome. His apartment will be a "man cave" as a whole as opposed to the married guy that has just one room devoted to maleness. He immerses himself in hobbies, may travel if income permits and just enjoys the freedom overall. May have a few flings while not settling into a commitment. There are variations for this that i have seen with some men.
It's better then a man forcing himself to settle down, have a family and still attempt to live the single and free lifestyle. Life is short, And one should be happy with their surroundings. I perhaps fall into this category a bit, though I dont play D and D or collect stuff. I have not been in a (long term committed) relationship for almost 4 years. Immersed myself in work and it's related activities, (Im in the travel/hospitality biz), traveled aside from work, go out and socialize in the NYC places, And sometimes..Just like to stay home and grab a DVD and chips and salsa on a Weekend by myself. I had a few short term relationships but don't feel a strong urge to settle right now even at 35. Iv'e got big wings that I have not folded back yet, Probably due to being on my own before i was old enough to legally buy beer. All good though.
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those 4 quotes made me feel like I just stared at myself. Specially the parts about afraid of making wrong decisions and they being permanent and I careful about opening myself and being vulnerable. And it is true what it said that I have a pattern of going for temporary partners because I know it won't last.
I dunno but I like myself for a few reasons , specially being into guitar so much because all my alone time with it is making me better and better at it as time goes by and I really feel accomplishment from that. However there are times like tonight, where I feel a bit down about not having a solid relationship and a twist of loneliness comes on and obviously there is something holding me back that makes me "guarded" a lot of the time. Someone I met recently described me as just that, "guarded" when it came to answering more intimate questions.
Hell, I didn't even get a chance to talk about sex and let her add "freaked" besides "guarded".
