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Okay, so I have always been dead against cheating, but I think I did it for the first time ever while intoxicated. I have the most loving partner, it was love at first sight and we have been inseperable ever since. We have been together 4 years and have 2 gorgeous children and are engaged.
So a bit of background before I get into, I was molested by 2 family members up until the age of 10. So I have never been a cheater but when I was single I did like to have fun. Sex has never meant anything to me until I met my partner. Now after having our last baby I was having flashbacks of my childhood and nightmares of cheating on my partner, of him cheating on me, of people molesting my children, some pretty terrible stuff, my hormones were all over the place. The doctors were trying to get me on the right antidepressants to settle everything down again.
So anyway We were having drinks with a random one night and were all intoxicated. I remember going to bed with my partner, my next memory (or I think its a memory, my dreams are pretty vivid) is lying in the spare room bed with this random on top of me and even then its only a flash. I don't know how I got there, how it happened, what exactly happened.. I remember being really confused as to how and why I was there. It was all dreamlike, like I wasn't there and it wasn't real. I didn't feel like I was having sex, I couldn't feel anything. Ever since I just thought it was a dream, but lately I have this terrible feeling that it actually happened. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself, If it did happen I have gone against everything I believe in. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, I just want to bury myself in a ditch and die. I honestly hate myself. How do I tell my partner that this might of happened, but I'm not sure? I love my partner and my family so much and have never had any thoughts of cheating or doubts about our relationship. We have always been so strong, we are not just partners, we are best friends.
If it did happen, you did not give your permsiision, so it was therefore rape.
If I were you, I'd tell him.
It may have been a dream, but it may not.
If it wasn't, even if you left it too late to get dna evidence for a potential prosecution, your partner might want to not associate with the type of guy who will rape his girlfriend.
It might be tense for a while, but if he truly loves you, he'll understand.
You need professional help on this one. I suggest contacting a rape crisis centre, or women's centre.
Drinking, the anti-depressants, the nightmares you were having...I think this was probably just another nightmare and it has the potential to harm your relationship with your husband if you tell him. You should talk to your doctor about it, the doctor who's prescribing the anti-depressants for you.
Also, this should be common sense to someone who had a childhood like you mentioned...once you have children, it's not safe to get drunk to the point where you're not sure what's happening, especially when you've got someone you don't know very well in the house. For all you know, you could be passed out dreaming that you're having sex with them, while they're really down the hall molesting your child.
Yup, blame the victim.
It was only a matter of time, but 2nd reply is quick, even for C-D !
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
Drinking, the anti-depressants, the nightmares you were having...I think this was probably just another nightmare and it has the potential to harm your relationship with your husband if you tell him. You should talk to your doctor about it, the doctor who's prescribing the anti-depressants for you.
Also, this should be common sense to someone who had a childhood like you mentioned...once you have children, it's not safe to get drunk to the point where you're not sure what's happening, especially when you've got someone you don't know very well in the house. For all you know, you could be passed out dreaming that you're having sex with them, while they're really down the hall molesting your child.
Uhh...I don't think its safe to get that drunk period no matter what your past was or kids or not. The next step after that would be death.
OP: What happened the whole day after that? Did you wake up in the spare bed? Usually I think you can tell if you had sex unless whatever your drug script is causes numbness down there. From what you posted here it just sounds like a bad dream. You should talk to your therapist on how to handle it. I wouldn't go to the extreme of pressing charges etc until you really know what happened. That other person will be labeled for life and it would be terrible if it was over a dream or if you acted in a way that they took as you wanted to be involved like that.
Just for the record, my kids were at my parents place and I never drink unless I have a babysitter for them. In fact I hardly ever drink anymore and this was the night that made me realise I really can't drink like I used to.
oh and I woke up in our bed and had no signs that I had had sex but what got me thinking was when we went to kick him out I mentioned that I could not remember much from the night and he turned around and said "yes you do". Its just the way he said it was really odd
Okay, so I have always been dead against cheating, but I think I did it for the first time ever while intoxicated. I have the most loving partner, it was love at first sight and we have been inseperable ever since. We have been together 4 years and have 2 gorgeous children and are engaged.
So a bit of background before I get into, I was molested by 2 family members up until the age of 10. So I have never been a cheater but when I was single I did like to have fun. Sex has never meant anything to me until I met my partner. Now after having our last baby I was having flashbacks of my childhood and nightmares of cheating on my partner, of him cheating on me, of people molesting my children, some pretty terrible stuff, my hormones were all over the place. The doctors were trying to get me on the right antidepressants to settle everything down again.
So anyway We were having drinks with a random one night and were all intoxicated. I remember going to bed with my partner, my next memory (or I think its a memory, my dreams are pretty vivid) is lying in the spare room bed with this random on top of me and even then its only a flash. I don't know how I got there, how it happened, what exactly happened.. I remember being really confused as to how and why I was there. It was all dreamlike, like I wasn't there and it wasn't real. I didn't feel like I was having sex, I couldn't feel anything. Ever since I just thought it was a dream, but lately I have this terrible feeling that it actually happened. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself, If it did happen I have gone against everything I believe in. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't stop crying, I just want to bury myself in a ditch and die. I honestly hate myself. How do I tell my partner that this might of happened, but I'm not sure? I love my partner and my family so much and have never had any thoughts of cheating or doubts about our relationship. We have always been so strong, we are not just partners, we are best friends.
Maybe he slipped something in one of your drinks?? Date rape drugs are easy enough for people to get. And the effects are what you're describing.
Sounds like you got a good thing going. Drinking so much that you black out is um... bad. If you had sex, I would think you'd remember.
Shrug it off as a dream & move on or it will destroy your relationship. I've been (on more than one occasion) very intoxicated and I always remember... of course then again, it could be different with every person. I turn into an animal with such a combination so who knows. Good luck.
oh and I woke up in our bed and had no signs that I had had sex but what got me thinking was when we went to kick him out I mentioned that I could not remember much from the night and he turned around and said "yes you do". Its just the way he said it was really odd
So you got drunk while taking antidepression drugs with a "random" or stranger with your so.
The "random" then takes advantage of your state of mind that evening and you then come to the next morning saying you have no signs of sex the night before but a vivid memory of him on top of you.
So then you "kick him out" the next morning.
Am I getting this all correct? Then you feel remorse for having cheated on your SO?
I think you better talk to him. He is probably into this whole thing. I don't know. Having someone over like that seems weird. Even the part about your SO NOT wondering what was going on.
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