Am I crazy or is my wife wrong.... and my bff's view of women (married, love)
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So about a week ago a good friend of mine floats an idea by me - if we could rent an RV relatively cheap, why not drive up to Penn State with a few other guys and tailgate the PSU-Notre Dame game? Most of my pals are alumni, would be a fun road trip to the old stomping grounds. Game tickets are selling for crazy $$$, but we'll just park in the tailgate lot and watch the game on TV, enjoying the atmosphere. (Anybody who's been to PSU can tell you that plenty of alumni do this during football season.) Hit the bars Saturday night then drive home on Sunday morning.
When I mention this proposal to my wife, she lets it go without much commentary. One week later, my buddy tells me that he found a 37-foot RV that sleeps 6, rentable at $300 a day. That's $150 apiece for the weekend, plus gas, food and beer. He puts down the deposit and the plan is set.
When my wife finds out I am going, she gets very upset. She thinks it is stupid that I would travel to a game I don't have tickets to. She doesn't understand how such an experience could possibly be any fun. She thinks I was talked into it by my friends. She's angry at the prospect of being abandoned for the weekend. And she says it is a sign that I will never grow up, which worries her most of all.
Is she overreacting, or am I just plain wrong here? I didn't expect her to be turning cartwheels, but I think she is taking it a bit far... it's your basic guys weekend, something I rarely do. Money is not an issue. Oh... and she just got back from a 10-day trip to see her mum, too.
When I told my buddy about my wife's reaction, he explained my wife's reaction as follows. He explained they all want their friends to have what they have, just not as good. If all her friends are having babies, she wants one. If all her friends are moving into swanky new houses, she wants one. If all her friends don't have to work and lounge around in an upscale country club all day, she wants that too. If the kids discussion is on tap, remember the "how much money you make" discussion is soon to come after.
You can't tell a woman anything and have her believe it. That would be logical. They need to see it themselves.
He said what we need to do is find a "double date" couple. Preferably with the guy in a crappy job and makes far less than me. And the wife is just beat up and bent out of shape all the time over having no children. Make sure the other wife is uglier too. They won't have much time to go out, so we'd probably end up at their apartment. All it takes to sooth is a woman is to compare her life to someone elses so she can feel better in comparison. Even if it's at the expense of her friends. If the wife has a problem, it's never about me and what I am doing, it's not even about this trip - because women don't care one lick about what men do for themselves. They don't even care what men do for the both of us. They only care when what men do for themselves doesn't do for them. Which is pretty much always.
My wife needs to see how having no children would be a negative impact on HER LIFE. She won't actually care if it has a negative impact on mine. Then have that basic "It's not good for her and only her" idea constantly reinforced. We need to give them the illusion of choice. And it has to be set it a frame work where it's all about them. Because they can only think on that level.
I can totally understand.........WE get that same way at nascar..it's in the blood............but u got to have it IN THE BLOOD........and yes we are insane especially for some of what we have done to be in the middle of the smell and love of that atmosphere..................and to others they will NEVER understand..................but u do what's best for you and hopefully she will understand or be a PART of it................have A great time..............now be good..............LOL
I didn't quite understand the last few paragraphs, it made women sound unreasonable but easy to control if you know how???
As for your wife and her attitude, the reason she didn't say anything to you in the fist place is because it was making her mad. How long have you been married? I think it was the first 6 years of being with my husband that I had that kind of attitude too. If he wanted to go out I wouldn't want him to and vice versa. We didn't want each other to go off doing something fun without the other. It was a very childish and selfish attitude.
Your wife may also use the excuse that going to see her family is not the same as going on a few day party with your friends. No matter how you put it she isn't going to be happy unless you say you are not going.
Don't let her win. Go to your party and tell your wife thank you and you hope she understands that guys need to go out and be obnoxious smelly boys every once in a while!! If you don't go you will resent it and the controlling behavior will continue for longer than it needs to. Part of being married is letting go and understanding that each of you has a life of their own that needs to be fulfilled every once in a while. The only thing you can't expect is to be able to convince her to let you go with a smile on her face. She has her opinion and no amount of explaining or begging is going to change that.
Oh yes, and bring her a present!!! I love presents!!! What woman doesn't!!! Oh, and take my husband, I love it when the kids and I have the place to ourselves!! Good luck to you!
I SO WOULD NOT CARE that you went! As long as you and your family can afford it (not using grocery money on your beer game etc etc) then HAVE FUN!
I'd LOVE to have a weekend of the house to myself, watch what ever TV I can and have the whole bed to myself - I might even take advantage and have some friend of mine (also women with kids) come over for wine and a girlie movie!
I have (approx) two kids and I'd be FINE with it...I look forward to the days my husband is gone - they are too far inbetween
I didn't understand the last few paragraphs either. Do you want children? How long have you been married? I would encourage my husband to do guy things, the guys I have had in the past never wanted to do anything without me and that is totally annoying. Give us some more info and have a great time at the game!!
I am confused. First off - never listen to friends who do not understand and it's not their business to understand your relationship with you wife.
There are two totally different topics at hand and I am guessing there is a whole lot more to this story than meets the eye.
If I am going with the first issue - you want to go to the game with your buddies and your wife is at home alone. Well, what is wrong with that? My husband loves RC helis and he and the guys go off on the occasional weekend - he works hard (as do I in our business) and I encourage him to have his fun.
Do you spend a lot of time with your wife? Are you guys communicating? How is your relationship otherwise?
Your friend has taken "women" to a level that I can not comprehend and has generalized women in a way that is truely denegrating.
Your friend has taken "women" to a level that I can not comprehend and has generalized women in a way that is truely denegrating.
Agreed. Pay no attention to your friend. He obviously does not have much regard for women.
Personally, I would have no problem with my husband doing what you describe. The object of the trip is not the game, it's the entire road trip/camping/burping, farting & scratching weekend.
In trying to understand why she's upset - do the two of you ever take any small trips like this? Do you ever make an effort to spend time alone, away from home and all of your responsibilities? If not, that may be the reason why she's upset - as in, you want to go with your friends, but you don't do things like that with her.
How about offering a compromise - you go on your trip with your friends, and the two of you also plan a getaway weekend to the place of her choosing?
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