Why is meeting women SO HARD these days? (American, friend, daughter)

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by monumentus

Hispanic does not mean they are not single



I think that in your situation I would do my relocating first - to a place I want to live and think I would be happy living - rather than do so at the behest of a possible relationship.

I would sort myself out first and then go out into the relationship game - rather than the other way around. If you are willing to relocate for a relationship then do so now - in advance - and sort that bit out. Especially if - as you claim - your current location is putting off suitors that might otherwise be interested were you already relocated.



And yet I am sure if you go to singles bars - clubs or online forums you will find plenty of men there too - likely saying the _exact_ same things about the lack of women. This is a reality I see repeated pretty much every where I go (either physically or electronically). Both sexes complaining equally about being single and there being no one else there - and everyone is "taken". Yet given the number of locations I hear this complain in - and the fact that its always from both sexes - and given the number of people complaining of it - it is just not mathematically statistically possible for it to be true. Something else has to be going on.

Perhaps it is not the number of singles that is ever the problem - but the places people are going to find them. Or our ever decreasing interpersonal skills as a species.

They are Mexcian field workers, lots of them illegal. And they live with their WHOLE family under one roof, get pregnant before they are 18. A foot shorter than me (they point at me sometimes when I am in the store). You cannot imagine, I live right in the middle of them. They have outhouses and stack the people in rooms, hallways, etc. That's how it works here in Oxnard.

If I go to single meetups in my area, it's always the same guys. I went 5 times and then gave up. I found new girlfriends there, though, who had the same issue.

Then I went with coworkers in some local dive bars. OMG.

There are military people here but they are construction guys. Hmmm. I talked to a few. Hmmmm.

I hung around Whole Foods. Only got hit on by old farts.

So that only leaves OLD.

[lycos679]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

I live 50 mls away from LA. In my area, most people are hispanic and many field workers. They have 4-6 kids at my age (38). I would need to drive to LA to find somebody or Santa Barbara.

Most guys see online that I live 50 mls away and it's too far for them. Why date a girl 50 mls away if you have thousand others near by? I have put in my profile that I am open to relocation. So I would actually do the drive AND then move closer to LA. But it is still tough.

However, I have gf's in LA and they complain about the lack of good guys there, too. It seems there are either not enough men or they are not available or just not interested. Meetup groups are packed with 90% women. Single events - it's a ton of pretty women (usually sold out for women) and a few undatable guys.

Your gf's are just too picky. I had a pretty decent offer from a place out in LA, but there is no way I'm going west of the MS river.

The New, Interactive Singles Map.

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

That's how it works here in Oxnard.

Then I repeat - you said you are willing to relocate for a relationship and this is a good thing in some ways. But I think you have the order messed up. You want to find that person first - and relocate for them second.

I merely suggest you consider reversing that - relocate now - especially if the place you live in really does not match you in many ways (and not just in finding a suitor) and is also putting off the people you would relocate FOR - from considering you in the first place because you are not relocated ALREADY.

On another note however I generally find the worst way to find single people to partner with - is to go to the places where you would expect to find them. Singles bars and singles meetups have never actually worked for anyone I have ever known ever (not that they never work ever - I am sure some people reading have had them work - but the statistics can not be that good overall).

Rather I - and anyone I have offered advice to on meeting someone - find the best way to do so is to merely expand their own horizons and social circles - and meeting a partner rather than being a goal one aims for and achieves - instead becomes an incidental event that happens to them along the road they choose to travel.

The advice I repeat often to people again is: Make meeting that special someone an event on your road in life - not a destination of your road in life. And so far I have not given this advice to someone and NOT seen it work.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by lycos679

Your gf's are just too picky.

The New, Interactive Singles Map.

Wow.

I would never thought that.

But it doesn't say which age. It might be tons of young kids who moved to LA to become superstars.

[lycos679]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Wow.

I would never thought that.

But it doesn't say which age. It might be tons of young kids who moved to LA to become superstars.

Huh? The map has age ranges that are adjustable. The default is 18-64, but you can slide the little circle icons just above the map.

I do agree that it doesn't tell you enough. How many are illegals, how many are wanna be actors that are waiters, etc.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by monumentus

Then I repeat - you said you are willing to relocate for a relationship and this is a good thing in some ways. But I think you have the order messed up. You want to find that person first - and relocate for them second.

I merely suggest you consider reversing that - relocate now - especially if the place you live in really does not match you in many ways (and not just in finding a suitor) and is also putting off the people you would relocate FOR - from considering you in the first place because you are not relocated ALREADY.

On another note however I generally find the worst way to find single people to partner with - is to go to the places where you would expect to find them. Singles bars and singles meetups have never actually worked for anyone I have ever known ever (not that they never work ever - I am sure some people reading have had them work - but the statistics can not be that good overall).

Rather I - and anyone I have offered advice to on meeting someone - find the best way to do so is to merely expand their own horizons and social circles - and meeting a partner rather than being a goal one aims for and achieves - instead becomes an incidental event that happens to them along the road they choose to travel.

The advice I repeat often to people again is: Make meeting that special someone an event on your road in life - not a destination of your road in life. And so far I have not given this advice to someone and NOT seen it work.

I have a cheap house and a commute of 5 minutes to work. If I would move closer to LA, I would have to live in a studio apartment (what am I gonna do with all my stuff?? and the dog??) and drive to work for an hour or more. And then I meet a guy who lives on the other side of LA, or just 10 mls away but traffic is horrible and I need to relocate AGAIN?

And looking for a new job .. my German degree is not valid here. I got lucky with my current job amongst Germans. I am almost done with my Bachelors in Legal Studies. I want to get a Masters and then look for a job in LA. But that's gonna take another 2 years.

It doesn't make sense right now to move away, pay a fortune for a tiny place, sell my house and have a horrible commute.

[Zeurich]

Hi hi I wish I knew the answer but NO. Try to look out side of the box may be.

[oh-eve]

Originally Posted by lycos679

Huh? The map has age ranges that are adjustable. The default is 18-64, but you can slide the little circle icons just above the map.

I do agree that it doesn't tell you enough. How many are illegals, how many are wanna be actors that are waiters, etc.

Oh wait. I just scrolled down. Do I understand correctly, it says it has more women in the age bracket of 40 and up?

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

I would never thought that.

Most people do not. As I said I encounter many people in many areas all complaining about the lack of singles of the opposite sex. And there is just too many of them - in too many locations - for it to be statistically possible.

So whatever is going on - and I do not pretend to know what it is - it clearly is not the lack of candidates. But a lack of those candidates identifying each other successfully.

All I can comment on really is what I have seen myself and the vast majority of the occasions where I have gotten to unpack this myself it turns out the people in question simply were not really making an effort in the first place. The reason it was "hard" to meet someone was they were not actually _trying_ in any way.

The exception to this - as I said - is the people who try TOO hard and make meeting someone for a relationship their main agenda. And I think people can sniff an agenda and it puts them off. It can make people come too "full on" leaving the "mark" feeling like they just came out of a job interview or some kind of evaluation. It is not pretty to watch.

The only approach I ever see working consistently - and the only one I generally therefore advise - is to put meeting someone to the wayside and concentrate on broadening your own horizons - interests - skills - knowledge - social circles and social involvement. And suddenly you just find yourself in a relationship. It just happens along the road.

My own story for example - I am a guy in a relationship with two girls. Complicated relationship we have but it works for us. How I met them was not trying to meet people. Rather I indulged myself in my love of live music. I started going on to the internet forums for bands and singers I loves and arranging "meet ups" before the gigs.

This made me the social centre of the meetup for a start - because I was the organizer. It gave me the chance to be funny and cool too - as I always tried to find funny ways to make the group identifiable when fans arrives (usually I would make a life sized cardboard cut out of one or more of the people we were going to see and keep it at the table).

And through this I was having fun - focused only on the laughs and expanding my social circle - and also in helping people out - finding tickets or places to stay for those stuck - or helping with transport and car pooling to get fans arriving together and more.

And then suddenly through all of this I simply ended up with the girls. No trying. No agenda. No plan. It just happened along the way.

And my friends who I have given similar advice to have all similar anecdotes to tell. They threw themselves into life - and when they came up for air they found someone came up with them holding their hand.

Originally Posted by oh-eve

It doesn't make sense right now to move away, pay a fortune for a tiny place, sell my house and have a horrible commute.

Then it simply sounds like you do not have balance in your life. Between your career and where you live for that career - and the other things you want from life like meeting a partner. It might all fall together for you - and I can only wish you well that it does - but the more you get that balance correct the more likely things are to go the way you wish.

I do not know the geography where you live but you present the options as living where you are - or LA. Is there nothing in between?

Also did not know you were originally German? Or did you just study there? There is quite a large German community in LA that I know of. One of my friends, the daughter of a Jewish family in Frankfurt, married a canadian (by way of a lesbian rabbi of all things) moved there and almost instantly fell into a huge social circle in the german community. I am also informed that a german and jewish community is quite rampant in Pasadena.

Sounds like your balance in life is off though - and it is no easy task for ANYONE to rectify that - especially if compromises have to be made - so I do wish you well in finding that balance somehow!

[lycos679]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Oh wait. I just scrolled down. Do I understand correctly, it says it has more women in the age bracket of 40 and up?

Red = girl
Blue = boy

40-59 has more women in pretty much every city.
40-49 has more women in most cities, but CA still has an excess of men with a few exceptions. ETA: LA has more women in the 40-49 bracket, but slightly more men in the 40-44 bracket.