Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I had an argument with a buddy's wife the other day, as she's always trying to convince me not to quit dating and still make an effort (I've since given up on the effort part, I don't mind dating a girl that approaches me or shows strong interest, but I also know that isn't likely to ever happen).
I told her one thing I would be wanting to know very early, probably even first date, is that 1. has she ever cheated and 2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years.
I would ask these questions on a first date if were to go on one (which I won't), but she says that it's not fair and none of my business at that point.
I say it is, because if I had known my last GF had cheated on her ex that she had just broke up with at the time, and that she had 7 different boyfriends in the last 8 years then red flags would've been flying everywhere and I could've taken a more cautious approach to our relationship and protected myself more, as opposed to just jumping in headfirst and falling head over heels for this girl right off the bat.
Is it wrong wanting to know that info early on? I mean, I know it's personal, but it's important to me, and if I asked a girl on date one and she wouldn't answer, then I'd probably go on with the rest of the date and show her kindness, respect, and a good time, but then never call her again.
You're own your own buddy. What if she flips the script and asks you for your relationship history? Will you honestly confess to all the stuff you've done in your wild days (assuming you had wild moments here)? Instead of limiting the chances of bagging a nice, decent woman with all your silly demands, i'd suggest you listen very well to your friends wife and go on dates to know the person and not interrogate them like someone in murder trial.
1. has she ever cheated? She won't admit it if she has.
2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years? It may be 20 but she will say 4 and will not count anything that she considered a fling.
she had 7 different boyfriends in the last 8 years 1 boyfriend a year is nothing for someone who is looking for Mr. Right or for someone who just dates. One of the gals that I work with has a different boyfriend every 3-9 months. Shes attractive but annoying so I'm not surprised.
Most people who've cheated aren't going to admit it, especially on a first date.
Seven boyfriends in eight years really isn't a lot. Of course, that all depends on who you ask, but that's less than one per year.
You can thoroughly interrogate your dates prior history, toss in some water-boarding for good measure, but it's not going to guarantee things will be different or the same with you.
You're own your own buddy. What if she flips the script and asks you for your relationship history? Will you honestly confess to all the stuff you've done in your wild days (assuming you had wild moments here)? Instead of limiting the chances of bagging a nice, decent woman with all your silly demands, i'd suggest you listen very well to your friends wife and go on dates to know the person and not interrogate them like someone in murder trial.
I'm very open and honest, my ex used to compliment me on that ability to share those things about myself, and I have no dating or fling history that I'm ashamed of and will gladly share.
What you don't understand is that finding a nice, decent woman on this planet is like looking for a sliver needle in a haystack of light grey needles. Not to mention the stupid garbage she'll be interrogating me on and judging me about from how I comb my hair to what I do for a living.
Save me the "show respect" speech, I've always done so and never seen it returned. If there's something I want to know, I'll ask it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
You may ask but you won't get an honest answer
1. has she ever cheated? She won't admit it if she has.
2. how many different relationships she's had in the last 5-10 years? It may be 20 but she will say 4 and will not count anything that she considered a fling.
You actually have a solid point. If she cheated and lies about it, it's easier to dismiss her later on if I found out she lied. I won't be able to go on with our relationship knowing she betrayed my trust and lied to me, indisputable evidence and instant drop. Won't even need to think about it.
As for lying about how many relationships. You could be right, my last gf didn't outright tell me, she just mentioned more and more guys and I was like "oh, I thought you only had the one bf" and then slowly put the pieces together that the girl couldn't go a month without being single. She also was the one that ended it with all 7 of her ex's for the same reason she did me: she had GIGS. I'd much rather known that upfront. That's her choice and she has every right to jump from guy to guy but I have right to ask and try and find out and put the pieces together myself. Then I'll determine if I think she's lying or not.
i made the mistake of telling the guy i was seeing everything that he asked me. now i feel like a fool for letting my guard down and telling him many things that others don't even know.
you may want to know about such things from a girl, but she may be like me and unwilling to do so.
I think that's a great way to stay single, since that's exactly what you want anyway.
Agreed. You're on a first date, not a job interview. A first date is a chance to have fun and see if you're compatible. Most people don't want that kind of pressure on them when they first go out.
People also mature over time. I wouldn't hold it over a girl's head if she's 26 and cheated when she was 18. The past doesn't worry me unless it affects my girlfriend and I right now.
Most people who've cheated aren't going to admit it, especially on a first date.
Seven boyfriends in eight years really isn't a lot. Of course, that all depends on who you ask, but that's less than one per year.
You can thoroughly interrogate your dates prior history, toss in some water-boarding for good measure, but it's not going to guarantee things will be different or the same with you.
My ex did admit to cheating on her ex. But she "justified it" by saying that it made her realize her current bf wasn't the right one. I made a massive mistake by overlooking it and giving her the benefit of the doubt. I thought I was special to her. I was a fool to think I'm any different.
Seven boyfriends in eight years is a lot if they were all really great guys that treated her well and SHE was the one that walked away. Sorry, maybe it's me, but it should scream that she can't appreciate a good man, why would she appreciate me?
I think with a great deal of people, if you ask these questions on a first date, I'm not sure I'd be holding my breath for a second !
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
