Having difficulty accepting the type of relationship I am in... (boyfriend, men)
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I don't know if I am wording the title correctly or not, moderator, change if need be.
Today I am having difficulty. Not really in my relationship, but being accepting of how my relationship is. I am with a man who loves and cares about me beyond belief. He would give me the world if I asked for it. I would say that he has got to be the best thing that has ever happened to me, excluding my children.
So whats the problem? I know that will be the question. My difficulty is an emotional and psychological one, I do believe. I have always been in a relationship which was emotionally and verbally abusive and now I am in one which is quite the very opposite.
This is a good thing, I know. I have a man who loves and cares for me. For 18 years I was emotionally and verbally abused, by 2 men. My husband, and then a boyfriend.
I got away from him and went to someone who seemed like the best thing since sliced bread but turned out to be just like my husband, only he had a degree.
I have been conditioned to believe that I am nothing and I deserve nothing in life. This is where the problem comes in. I have been conditioned to believe I am basically not a good person and just ugly inside and out. Now, I know this is not true, I do.
I fight this battle every day. I ask him why he is so sweet to me and he tells me because I deserve it. I can't just think, yes I do, instead I think, "Do I? Do I deserve it?" Then comes the guilt that he has given me something whether it be a gift, monetary, or just sentiment.
Hopefully the feeling will go away with a little time. 18 years of being made to feel like you are nothing and nobody and deserve nothing is not going to just go away. Instead, the bad memories will be replaced by the good the longer you are around people who treat you well.
goodness. you are SO lucky. just think about how far you've come and accept this amazing man that walked into your life. I have friends who have been abused, cheated on and so forth and found really good men. they don't question it..they hold on to it. I know you're holding on to your boyfriend too but I wouldn't think too much about how much you deserve it. Just let it be.
Hopefully the feeling will go away with a little time. 18 years of being made to feel like you are nothing and nobody and deserve nothing is not going to just go away. Instead, the bad memories will be replaced by the good the longer you are around people who treat you well.
Hopefully it will. It has gotten a lot better, but it is still there... Its' been four years since I got the nerve to leave my husband, and that was a huge step. All this time later, he still tries to control me in certain little ways.
I am so happy to be with the man I am with. He lifts me up so high and just makes me feel so good, makes me smile, makes me everything.
I just have a hard time accepting that I deserve it..... =(
goodness. you are SO lucky. just think about how far you've come and accept this amazing man that walked into your life. I have friends who have been abused, cheated on and so forth and found really good men. they don't question it..they hold on to it. I know you're holding on to your boyfriend too but I wouldn't think too much about how much you deserve it. Just let it be.
I am terribly lucky to have this man, someone I really wasn't looking for placed into my life. I do know this. Yes, I hold onto him. I would love to let it be, and in time, I sure I will.
I spoke of conditioning. It took a long time to get the way I am, and it will take a bit to let it be. I am happier than life itself. I wouldn't change a thing, and this is a good step forward, I know....
I doubt myself every step of the way because I am in uncharted territory. I am somewhere I have never in my life been. Just like a child just born into the world..... I've never been in this place before....
I am terribly lucky to have this man, someone I really wasn't looking for placed into my life. I do know this. Yes, I hold onto him. I would love to let it be, and in time, I sure I will.
I spoke of conditioning. It took a long time to get the way I am, and it will take a bit to let it be. I am happier than life itself. I wouldn't change a thing, and this is a good step forward, I know....
I doubt myself every step of the way because I am in uncharted territory. I am somewhere I have never in my life been. Just like a child just born into the world..... I've never been in this place before....
I completely understand. the unknown is a scary thing. In my mind, if something is good, I don't question it. sort of like the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" expression. This man is showing you that you clearly didn't deserve 18 years of that mess. Don't ever forget that .
Hopefully it will. It has gotten a lot better, but it is still there... Its' been four years since I got the nerve to leave my husband, and that was a huge step. All this time later, he still tries to control me in certain little ways.
I am so happy to be with the man I am with. He lifts me up so high and just makes me feel so good, makes me smile, makes me everything.
I just have a hard time accepting that I deserve it..... =(
Believe me my friend, after your earlier abusive experiences, you most definitely deserve the very best in love and happiness, with a man who treasures and respects you, and treats you with loving affection and gentleness You are so totally worth it
After 18 years of abuse, I'm guessing it's simply going to take a while for you to overcome that conditioning. It's a shame it had to be that way, but as you well know bad things just happen and you have to make the best of it. After reading your posts in this forum, I'd have to agree with your man that you do deserve the warmth and love he shows you. It's probably the clearest thing in the world to him, but for you it will simply take time. But from the sound of it, things can only get better.
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