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Would you end a marriage or relationship because your spouse is a constant liar, mostly about simple things? There is no cheating or abuse. The person is mostly a sweet person but lying is a frequent occurrence.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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My ex was a chronic liar and about the dumbest things. Turns out several of his siblings were as well and after learning about the family, I saw why; they'd get in trouble over the smallest things, no matter how dumb, so they learned to lie to avoid a reaction. Sad but true. Just the same, it's hard to live with when an adult does it. You never know how far you can trust them. I always think if you can't trust someone in the small things (little white lies) you can't trust them with the big things.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetlilac
All of us lie to some extent. Some lies are acceptable because it's polite ("you look wonderful today"), others are not because it's hurtful.
Can you give us some specific examples?
Well, she said
Quote:
a constant liar, mostly about simple things... lying is a frequent occurrence.
That pretty much says it. Exactly how I described my ex. Although, I didn't divorce him over it, I never trusted him because of it and that makes for no relationship to speak of.
My ex was a chronic liar and about the dumbest things. Turns out several of his siblings were as well and after learning about the family, I saw why; they'd get in trouble over the smallest things, no matter how dumb, so they learned to lie to avoid a reaction. Sad but true. Just the same, it's hard to live with when an adult does it. You never know how far you can trust them. I always think if you can't trust someone in the small things (little white lies) you can't trust them with the big things.
This is very true. When kids get in trouble for every little thing, they learn to defend themselves by lying, since it's easier to lie than tell the truth and get punished anyway.
Okay. First of all, there are lies and there are white lies.
White lies are lies told to spare the other person's feelings, such as "No, you don't need to lose twenty pounds," "Why, now that you ask, I think your daughter plays the piano beautifully," or "Mmmm, mmmm, your halibut casserole was absolutely delicious!" True, it's a gray area, but at least these are untruths that are intended to not harm.
Lies on the other hand about small things to avoid getting into trouble are something else. If somebody lies about the small things, they'll lie about the big things. As I tell my children, "No matter what you do, lying to get out of trouble makes it ten times worse. And when I've caught my children in a lie, I've told them the punishment was for the lie, not the original transgression.
Hey, if you drop a plate or a glass, that's just a mistake. And who doesn't do that? But if you tell me the cat knocked it off the counter, that's something completely different.
My sister's ex-husband was a pathological liar. He was in charge of paying their sons' Catholic School tuition, and she would remind him every so often. He would act insulted that she didn't trust him to take care of it. Imagine her surprise when she got a letter from the principal saying that the principal was sorry that her husband had cancer, but that tuition needed to be paid or the kids would be kicked out of school. Ex-husband never had cancer, he was just pocketing the money. That was the beginning of the end for them, since he was lying about a lot of other things, too.
Would you end a marriage or relationship because your spouse is a constant liar, mostly about simple things? There is no cheating or abuse. The person is mostly a sweet person but lying is a frequent occurrence.
If it depends, what is the deal breakers?
Rather then just "end the marriage" I'd want to help the person I loved who had this bad habit figure out how to break it.
People who tell little lies like this usually come from backgrounds where there was some kind of dysfunction. Lying was a form of self-preservation.
Start by holding them accountable each and every time you catch them telling one of these little lies. Ignoring the fact they do this just allows them to continue with what has now become a very bad habit.
If the spouse is not at all willing to work on the problem or even admit to it, then I might consider it time to get some marital counseling.
Okay. First of all, there are lies and there are white lies.
White lies are lies told to spare the other person's feelings, such as "No, you don't need to lose twenty pounds," "Why, now that you ask, I think your daughter plays the piano beautifully," or "Mmmm, mmmm, your halibut casserole was absolutely delicious!" True, it's a gray area, but at least these are untruths that are intended to not harm.
Lies on the other hand about small things to avoid getting into trouble are something else. If somebody lies about the small things, they'll lie about the big things. As I tell my children, "No matter what you do, lying to get out of trouble makes it ten times worse. And when I've caught my children in a lie, I've told them the punishment was for the lie, not the original transgression.
Hey, if you drop a plate or a glass, that's just a mistake. And who doesn't do that? But if you tell me the cat knocked it off the counter, that's something completely different.
My sister's ex-husband was a pathological liar. He was in charge of paying their sons' Catholic School tuition, and she would remind him every so often. He would act insulted that she didn't trust him to take care of it. Imagine her surprise when she got a letter from the principal saying that the principal was sorry that her husband had cancer, but that tuition needed to be paid or the kids would be kicked out of school. Ex-husband never had cancer, he was just pocketing the money. That was the beginning of the end for them, since he was lying about a lot of other things, too.
FB that is not a white lie though...what you have just described is a crook and lying is one of his qualities...
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