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That only happens (I think) when they weren't looking for a reaction OR (or and/or) the sex sucked. Now having bad sex will torpedo a potential relationship.
I honestly think if we were to make a blanket statement about the average best case scenario about when it is the opportune time to have sex it would be after 4 or 5 dates. That way, if the sex is terrible, you both leave not feeling bad about dumping the other person, because you don't have a huge history yet. And by then if the sex is good, you were able to have actual intimacy instead of just animalistic pounding...
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseLikeAnyOther
I honestly think if we were to make a blanket statement about the average best case scenario about when it is the opportune time to have sex it would be after 4 or 5 dates. That way, if the sex is terrible, you both leave not feeling bad about dumping the other person, because you don't have a huge history yet. And by then if the sex is good, you were able to have actual intimacy instead of just animalistic pounding...
Intimacy is great. As is animalistic pounding. They both have their time and place. Both can be super hot.
But the last time I went out with a woman 4 times before she had sex with me was about 10 years ago, and that was only because she had an infant at home and couldn't stand to be aware from her kid for any real period of time and she was nervous because she hadn't had sex since she had given birth (and there was some reconstruction).
People don't want to invest a month in someone before finding out they're fundamentally incompatible for the most part, and if two people are attracted to each other and there is chemistry, waiting 2-4 weeks is torturous (with little to nothing to gain).
Intimacy is great. As is animalistic pounding. They both have their time and place. Both can be super hot.
But the last time I went out with a woman 4 times before she had sex with me was about 10 years ago, and that was only because she had an infant at home and couldn't stand to be aware from her kid for any real period of time and she was nervous because she hadn't had sex since she had given birth (and there was some reconstruction).
People don't want to invest a month in someone before finding out they're fundamentally incompatible for the most part, and if two people are attracted to each other and there is chemistry, waiting 2-4 weeks is torturous (with little to nothing to gain).
But each to their own.
Most of my guy friends have admitted that they lose interest in a woman if she "gives it up" too soon. And they are all normal, social, and attractive people.
If all she wants is sex then go ahead. But if she is looking for more or really likes the guy, I would hold off a couple of weeks. I mean come on have a little bit of self-control.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseLikeAnyOther
Most of my guy friends have admitted that they lose interest in a woman if she "gives it up" too soon. And they are all normal, social, and attractive people.
You might think they are, but no, this is not normal, nor healthy socially, and it certainly doesn't indicate that they're attractive people. In fact, it indicates they're ugly people if they get turned off by another person doing exactly what they themselves did. It indicates having a sexist double standard, which is the antithesis of normal, healthy, or being attractive. It does indicate they might be jerks.
Four or 5 dates definitely sounds reasonable (lower end). In my experience those dates usually occur in one month or less.
In most cases, I did it when I felt I knew the guy.
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I find that using a rule I have, introduces sex early in the relationship, but not too early.
I despise condoms, however I'm very aware of sexual disease issues. As such, both myself and any female I am in a relationship with, will get tested prior to our first sexual act.
I know who I've been with, and she knows who she's being with, but neither knows who the other has been with .
By being tested every time before entering into a sexual relationship, not only do you insure that your feelings for the other person are real, you also ensure that you're not having sex too early, and that both are free of diseases.
It always works for me, and what it really does is build an element of trust between the couple.
Waiting to have sex is NOT the same as withholding sex or leading him on...
And a week is not a wait. And a month of getting to know someone and it not working out isn't a waste of time. It's barely a drop in the ocean of time. So many people in a mad rush and going nowhere fast.
And a week is not a wait. And a month of getting to know someone and it not working out isn't a waste of time. It's barely a drop in the ocean of time. So many people in a mad rush and going nowhere fast.
Seriously.
I would really have to give the side-eye to anybody who considers a single week to be a prohibitive "wait."
It doesn't work that way with a lot of people. Sometimes people have sex and some switch goes off in their heads and they lose interest. It's like a chemical reaction.
In general, at least if you're a woman and you really like a guy, hold off for like 4 or 5 dates before sex happens. If you want to play it safe.
Men like mysterious women. You are no longer mysterious if the sex happens on the first date.
No man I know likes waiting "four or five dates." I mean MAYBE one "getting to know each other date" with some making out or something, but if there is nothing going on after second date, HAHAHHAHAH buh bye! Like W.T.F. are you going to do the other four dates? Play miniature golf? Maybe for 15 year olds, but anyone over 30 on a date is going to have sex really soon, if anything so they know they are not wasting their time with a bad lover.
^^ I guess one way around the above would be to confine your dating to women who aren't too picky about having sex with strangers.
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