Men and Marriage (sex, divorces, friends, social)

[Stupid Flanders]

[quote=Stupid Flanders;1483001]

Originally Posted by mjb68

Now, now. We dated for three years and have been married for 7. The intensity of that list is meant for shock value. Still, some of the underlying principles were true for me - and she had a few legit gripes of her own - but until we worked it out, there were some rough patches.

Basically in the end, I said "I am a man and I will behave like one". And she said "I am a woman, and I will behave like one". Now, we do whatever we can to please one another, but in the end, we both feel comfortable asking eachother: what the hell is wrong with you? We fight, laugh it off, and go on with life.

Get a divorce!!!! This girl can do better than you.

[Stupid Flanders]

Originally Posted by vertigo32

Poor wife!!!!. I hope she realizes that there is better men out there...no women deserves this.

Deserves what exactly? Be specific.

[Claire_F]

Holy crap. Where do I begin with this post of yours?

Originally Posted by Stupid Flanders

What part of "from a man's point of view" did you miss in my posting? I did not intend to speak for you. For that matter, I don't presume to speak for all men either...just the majority.

Let me refresh your memory. Here is your *entire* post that I was responding to:

Originally Posted by Stupid Flanders

Marriage is not natural. It also makes no sense unless it is for the sole purpose of raising children.

I love my wife, and she loves me. We are very happy together, but we both admit (yes, both of us) that if this marriage fails, we would NEVER do it again.

Committed relationship? You bet.

Marriage? No way in hell.

We have been married for 7 years and have no children. People look at us like we have two heads when we tell them that we are not ready for children yet. I think maybe it's because we're so independent, we don't want kids to tie us down to depending on eachother.

Maybe some people are not meant for marriage. I'm glad I did it, but I will never do it again. I would also advise all men and women NOT to get married UNTIL they and their partner are ready to have children. Otherwise, marriage is an outdated fad that serves absolutely no one.

Nowhere in that post do you state that you're speaking solely from a man's point of view. You make blanket statements, and state that marriage is an "outdated fad" that services "absolutely no one." I'm responding to what you said. You said that it serves absolutely no one, and I'm telling you it serves me (and my husband) just fine.

Originally Posted by Stupid Flanders

And by your “shacking up” comment, I assume that you either are or have been exposed to the belief system of fundamentalist Christians. There’s nothing wrong with that (lots of people have imaginary friends) but from what you posted, I hope you see the irony in chastising me for “speaking for you”, then you turn around and diminish the style of monogamous relationships shared by 60%+ of the people in this country. [mod cut; personal attacks]

You know absolutely nothing about me, and you couldn't be more wrong. For one thing, I completely disagree with the fundamentalist Christian agenda, and consider myself agnostic. Not that it matters, but I have previously lived with someone while in a committed relationship. I have no problem with anyone else who chooses to do so. I've experienced both sides of the issue. I didn't marry for money, security, or any other materialistic reason. I married for love. I was simply stating that marriage holds a deeper meaning for me than just cohabitating with someone.

As for your claim that I diminish the style of monogamous relationships shared by 60% of the population, you obviously missed the part where I said the following:

Notice I said for us. I don't presume to speak for anyone else.

I even bolded part of the statement in my original post so you wouldn't miss that point, and you conveniently blew right by that one.

You flood this thread with post after post full of misogynistic statements. Then, when you're called on it, you get your panties in a wad, claim it's "humor", then proceed to insult anyone who takes issue with what you say.

If you're going to make offensive statements, at least have the cajones to own them, rather than twist it around and accuse others having a problem because they had the audacity to disagree with you.

Nowhere in my post did I insult you, yet you come flying back with the insults - to me and others - then continue to make one misogynistic statement after another in subsequent posts.

[Marka]

Several posts have been removed from this thread as personal attacks. Debate opinions, not people here, please. Otherwise the thread will be closed and infractions issued.

[dreamofmonterey]

Originally Posted by Claire_F

It's still a generalization. You can't paint all women the same, and you can't paint all men the same - and it's unfair to individuals to assume that they will act according to what a so-called "expert" says.

For instance, I'm a woman - yet I loathe shopping, have no interest in shoes, and had no desire to get married, at all. I never rearrange furniture. I loved living alone, and couldn't imagine living with anyone - I didn't think I wanted to be around someone that much. I changed my mind when I met my husband, but I didn't get married until I was 39. Oh, and I also have never wanted children.

It wasn't my genetic makeup that made me want to get married. It was meeting the right man - something I never actively pursued. It simply just happened.

I prefer to base my opinions on the individual people I meet, without lumping them all into one category, than reading something a pop pseudo-psychologist writes and quoting it as gospel.

Just for fun, here are John Grey's credentials, as stated in Wikipedia:



I'll take personal experience, thanks.

No two people are alike- any psychoanalyst with real credentials will tell you that...self-help and Oprah books are entertainment, not advice for real life. John Grey is a selling misery, just like Dr. Phil...Dr Phil drives a Ferrari because of all the pseudo-advice he sells.

[npumcrisz]

Originally Posted by lionking

But there are a few like a friend of mine who love married life,that is until recently when she divorced him and moved in with a friend of hisYep,the kids he took in as his own,raised them,cared for her....now that they are 18...see ya!she split,and took half of what he owned which he owned before he met her....

I feel sorry for that soul.
That's the American way of life, I presume.

[twixcookie]

Originally Posted by mjb68

This thread cracks me up!! The baggage and anger that people carry with them. I always thought the dating process was for finding someone who was right for you. Weeding out the morons or b*tches and finding a good person. And why does everyone act like you have to get married, no one forces you to, marriage is an option, not a requirement, so all the people that say they never wanted to get married - WHY did you do it? Did someone twist your arm?

It has taken me my whole life to understand one simple concept: that men don't want to be in relationships with women.
I wasn't the type who tried to get married when I was younger. I didn't marry till my 30s. I wasn't in any big rush.
But that was a horrible marriage with a narcissist and I got out. No one ever twisted my arm. But I think I followed some silent social law about getting married and having kids.

And since then, I have come to understand that men feel pushed in marriage. I don't have the energy nor the time to try to get someone to want to be with me. It took me a long time to realize what I wanted was so one-sided, the white picket fence fantasy with a smart wizard in bed.
I am tired of the pests who say "oh, but you have so much to give to someone"...bah!
If men envy a man who stayed single, that is even more proof.
Society just fabricated all of this, so children wouldn't be bastardized and the human race would go on, by nurturing children in a secure environment.
Love is just a chemical reaction.
And anyone who wants to blow their "oh, youre a pessimist" or "oh, youre so sad" garbage on me...you know you have doubts about all this marriage stuff too. I accept how men are, and I don't pretend.

[twixcookie]

Originally Posted by npumcrisz

I feel sorry for that soul.
That's the American way of life, I presume.

There is a saying, though, "Don't make the next person pay for what everyone else before them did." I kind of agree with that.

[twixcookie]

Originally Posted by mjb68

I'm not really saying i disagree with you, but, my point is, if so many men (98Percent) don't want to get married, then why the heck do they do it. And don't say, i was in love at the time. If I myself never wanted to get married, I would be upfront in the beginning of a relationship and tell the person that I have no intention of ever getting married, and if this is something that you are looking for, then maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore - and I don't mean on the first darn date, but at an appropriate time.

Why get in a relationship in the first place? One can have friends, and hobbies for fulfillment.

[Kika26]

listen up ladies!! If you are in a bad marriage were the husband doesn't give a XXXX, just get a hot lover. No more complaints about time together since u would have already taken care of business by the time you got home. Believe me it works wonders for the soul. If you are already in a wonderful marriage then just enjoy.