Question to the wives: Honesty is appreciated (children, personality, good looking)

[*Sixy*]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

Thank you, Dew.

No, it's not about me. Moms are no-go territory for me. Besides, most of these women are white, so why would be bother with a coloured guy? It's an uppity, whitish town.

My gym is located right next to a breakfast/pastry/coffee joint.

Guys work out and hit this place for a little snack at around 8:30 am. I sit here and have breakfast and I observe the people, prior to hitting the gym myself. Every time one of the ripped fellas comes in, the women eyeball them like crazy, even in the presence of their husbands. I wonder what those guys feel like And why the women eyeball them when they are in a so-called devoted marriage.

If I'm standing next to my wife and she is checking out an Adonis top to bottom, and I'm an overweight and older looking man.... I'd be dead in an instant LOL

Do these guys get the clue? And do the women have a chat with the hubbies to try getting them a little groomed?

I don't see it the same way.

I can notice someone and appreciate their look or sense of style and still appreciate what I have in my life as well.

Male or female...if someone walked into a coffee shop and looked well put-together and stood out among the crowd, I'd notice.

I've even gone up to people and complimented something I noticed, like a scarf, a purse or maybe his jacket. It doesn't mean I want them to come home with me to replace my husband. It just means I appreciate their look.

My husband isn't overweight or a slob either...would I feel differently if he was? Hard to say since I've never been in that position.

[Dewdroplet76]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

Thanks for planting the idea in my head. I have opened a parallel thread. I'm betting men won't respond or would give the "till death do us part" pretense becoz most men are chicken with this stuff. They let it grow like fire inside of them, like a poison tree, and that resentment shows in various other forms. It's a controversial issue to even get into.

Besides, many of our male regulars won't even bother to reply honestly to save the image they have built with the female posters here.

As for me, when did I ever worry about my lame-ass, immature boy image

But I'm hoping some of the answers in either thread will give readers of the forum a ton of ideas and input as to how to approach such matters with regard to appearance, health and well-being. How many threads have there been where a newbie poster complains about weight/appearance/letting loose being the issue or the husband/wife cheating or jerking off porno

I think the issue is more that you don't really understand what it's like when you love someone and have loved them for a long time - rather than people being chicken or not confessing to feeling how you imagine they feel. From the outside - you may look at an older man or woman - you may think they have let themselves go and look dull and boring. You may think that because their spouse happens to check out some hot supermodel that walked by that they are wishing their spouse looked better or was more interesting (although why you put in any personality traits in this thread is beyond me - how can you possibly tell if someone has a good personality or is exciting just by looking at them). But what you don't understand is that when you love someone - and you have been with them for a long time - you see who have been, who they really are, and who they will be all at the same time. If you have been with someone for years - yes, they age and look older. But you don't look at them and see an old hag - you look at them and see the person that you love. It's sort of like if you are in love with a woman - you don't care if she wears make up or not - you always think she looks beautiful because she is always who she is. You know the person inside and out. You might still look at Hugh Jackman or Heidi Klum if they walk by - or you might not - but if you really love your spouse - it doesn't matter. This is assuming that your spouse hasn't gained a million pounds or had a complete personality change since you have met them. If that is the case - then it doesn't matter who walks by. If you are dissatisfied with your spouse - you don't need someone to compare them to in order to be dissatisfied. And if you are satisfied with your spouse - nobody else compares with them no matter what.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I think the issue is more that you don't really understand what it's like when you love someone and have loved them for a long time - rather than people being chicken or not confessing to feeling how you imagine they feel. From the outside - you may look at an older man or woman - you may think they have let themselves go and look dull and boring. You may think that because their spouse happens to check out some hot supermodel that walked by that they are wishing their spouse looked better or was more interesting (although why you put in any personality traits in this thread is beyond me - how can you possibly tell if someone has a good personality or is exciting just by looking at them). But what you don't understand is that when you love someone - and you have been with them for a long time - you see who have been, who they really are, and who they will be all at the same time. If you have been with someone for years - yes, they age and look older. But you don't look at them and see an old hag - you look at them and see the person that you love. It's sort of like if you are in love with a woman - you don't care if she wears make up or not - you always think she looks beautiful because she is always who she is. You know the person inside and out. You might still look at Hugh Jackman or Heidi Klum if they walk by - or you might not - but if you really love your spouse - it doesn't matter. This is assuming that your spouse hasn't gained a million pounds or had a complete personality change since you have met them. If that is the case - then it doesn't matter who walks by. If you are dissatisfied with your spouse - you don't need someone to compare them to in order to be dissatisfied. And if you are satisfied with your spouse - nobody else compares with them no matter what.

Yes this. Totally.

The mindset is totally different when you're comfortably married as opposed to when you are actively single. Perhaps it's something you can not imagine or fathom when you've never been in that married and in love position.

[believe007]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

Thanks for planting the idea in my head. I have opened a parallel thread. I'm betting men won't respond or would give the "till death do us part" pretense becoz most men are chicken with this stuff. They let it grow like fire inside of them, like a poison tree, and that resentment shows in various other forms. It's a controversial issue to even get into.

Besides, many of our male regulars won't even bother to reply honestly to save the image they have built with the female posters here.

As for me, when did I ever worry about my lame-ass, immature boy image

But I'm hoping some of the answers in either thread will give readers of the forum a ton of ideas and input as to how to approach such matters with regard to appearance, health and well-being. How many threads have there been where a newbie poster complains about weight/appearance/letting loose being the issue or the husband/wife cheating or jerking off porno

Lmao, I see you have; but I agree with you on one major drawback....
You probably will not get honest answers, partially because of the reasons you listed, and partly because only a few of the men on C-D will be totally honest. I'm tuning in to see who answers this as honestly as possible

[srjth]

I have been told by a man that men are superficial, maybe moreso than women. I'm still not sure if that's true or not.

[naturesdreams]

A very wise friend one stated to me, "until they pay your bills and walk in your shoes... why worry about what people think"...

This is really a situation where it is only what you think.. like stated before.. You fell in love with this person and there are many things you've shared together.. just because I can appreciate a nice, well built man, doesn't mean I want to change the menu. I believe plenty of communication is in order about the "slobby" part since I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate me being a slob... but I'm a "for better or worse" kinda gal"... then again divorced now so I've been better.... and worse... LOL.. enjoy!!

[Just1Fan]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

Let's say you are married, you are good looking, you have kids in the 5 to 12 age range and you are married to your husband who happens to be:

~ Not in the best of shape (not super obese though, but working out is not his thing)
~ Dresses indifferently (not fashionable at all)
~ Doesn't take care of himself, as in trimming hair, eyebrows or nasal hair etc.
~ Not a lively personality (as in not very talkative or charming and looks dull and weighed upon)
~ his habitualities tend to border on what can be deemed a "slob"

Life goes on. And you are okay with things as they are. You have a 30 year mortgage, a basic life system blah blah blah.

So, you happen to be in a crowded and popular coffee/pastry shop with husband and kids, and at this moment, a man enters the scene to get coffee, pastries etc. The man is:

~ Trim and toned
~ Great physique
~ in short, the total opposite of your husband

What are the thoughts in your head? Do you wish your husband would take a leaf out of this guy's book? Let's hear it.

Try to help your man. If he knew better, he'd do better. Anyone can put him down, but a real woman fights for her man. Do things, and take him places, to influence change.

[moonsavvy]

If I'm out in a coffee/pastry shop with my partner we're usually too busy talking to each other to notice anyone else. A well put together older female always captures my attention though and I'll point her out to him to show him how I'd like to look when I'm her age.

[Rhenzanite]

Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka

Thanks for planting the idea in my head. I have opened a parallel thread. I'm betting men won't respond or would give the "till death do us part" pretense becoz most men are chicken with this stuff. They let it grow like fire inside of them, like a poison tree, and that resentment shows in various other forms. It's a controversial issue to even get into.

Besides, many of our male regulars won't even bother to reply honestly to save the image they have built with the female posters here.

As for me, when did I ever worry about my lame-ass, immature boy image

But I'm hoping some of the answers in either thread will give readers of the forum a ton of ideas and input as to how to approach such matters with regard to appearance, health and well-being. How many threads have there been where a newbie poster complains about weight/appearance/letting loose being the issue or the husband/wife cheating or jerking off porno

Just out of curiosity, I did a quick google search on two phrases.

'break up with women over weight gain'
and
'break up with men over weight gain'

The first one was mostly men asking what the 'breaking point' of weight gain would be to break up, and if it was okay to break up with a woman over gaining weight. There were also a few about how to approach the wife/girlfriend about losing weight.

The second one was mostly sites about women fretting about gaining weight when their boyfriends/husbands broke up with them.

Interesting, but not all all surprising. Women put more emphasis on the inside, men put more emphasis on the outside.

[TheImportersWife]

I'm more likely to notice a beautiful, poised woman before I take note of a handsome, put together man.