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BUT, not too soon to start discussing the direction you see your relationship going. If you want to marry this girl, it's important to make sure she wants to be married in the near future. If you haven't already, start talking about where you guys see yourselves in 3-5 years. Are your career/financial goals compatible? Are you on the same page as far as parenting her child goes?
My husband and I started talking about marriage after about 3 months--but it was more along the lines of the things we'd need to do to be prepared for marriage. By the year mark, we were ready to move forward.
I have met girls like that before and she is not one of them I wouldn't be contemplating asking her to marry me if I didn't think she genuinely liked me.
Anyway I think I have made up my mind, I am going to wait until her birthday in August so I can save up some money for a ring and a trip somewhere, plus it gives us time. Thanks guys.
Have you protected your heart in evaluating this relationship? What I mean is, are you thinking about her, and analyzing your potential future together with her through critical eyes, or are you thinking with emotion.
When you first fall in love, it is easy for you to make all your decisions based on the overwhelming feelings of emotion you have. Those emotions will make things you may not like, invisible. There will also be things you have not even thought of that may be negatives.
There is so much more to a successful relationship and marriage than love.
You first need to protect your heart. Start evaluating this woman, and yourself. Do you both share common goals in life. Are you both pursuing common goals at the same speed. Will you arrive at them at relatively the same time. Are you both in similar health.
Are you ready to commit your life to her, and her to you? Are you well enough established in your own life with job, education, career, etc, to take on a marriage. (and one where there is a child involved already!).
Has she been able to care for herself. Does she provide for her child. Is she going to contribute in the marriage.
After all that, if you think everything is fitting, you need to talk to her about the possibility. There is romance in springing the question, but honestly, I think it would be good if both you knew you wanted to head in that direction. Then maybe list all of your expectations when married. From big things (who is going to work how much, cover bills, where will you live) to little things like (how will chores be split, negotiate TV, balance "free time" with "family time.")
Finally, I know people who got engaged after very short dating periods and had fabulous marriages, and people who got burned badly. I have a friend who got engaged after 2 weeks of dating, and has a very happy marriage 10 years later. My fiance, on the other hand, got engaged after dating her ex for 2 months, married 6 months later. Found out he used her (he was a foreigner) to stay in the US, then right after they were married he became emotionally distant, began cheating, treating her like dirt, and forcing her to divorce him. (She admittedly was in a lusty love with rose colored glasses, and feels she knew he did not really love her but could not look past the euphoria of her emotions to realize it... nor did she listen to those telling her as much).
What it boils down to is what LoveMountains said. Time is your friend. If you both love each other a lot, and are committed to a relationship, there is no great rush! Learn yourselves and each other. Have fun. Enjoy the relationship. No need to rush into a marriage yet.
Good luck!
^^^^ This. All of it.
At 22, you're legally an adult but there is still so much growing, and particularly maturing, to do. Are you working or in school?
After 3 months, the newness of the relationship hasn't even worn off yet. You need to be able to weather a relationship in good times and bad times, see someone at their worst, or at least on bad days, and know how to cope when every day isn't magical and lovey-dovey.
Not only do you need to know what kind of parent she is, but what kind of parenting relationship she has with her son's father, and what your role will be. You can't anticipate all the angles when it comes to being a stepparent, but the more informed you are, the better. There are internet forums out there which will give you a taste/idea of what's in store for you as the male role model in the household, but not the father. That in itself is a tricky road to walk, let alone committing to marriage after a few months.
As others have said, there is no rush to do this. Please take your time and make good choices for yourself, not impulsive choices out of haste.
Anyway I think I have made up my mind, I am going to wait until her birthday in August so I can save up some money for a ring and a trip somewhere, plus it gives us time. Thanks guys.
Way too early dude, this is why the divorce rate is so high in USA. Either way, best of luck to you.
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