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I used to think differently, more compassionately, about this until I read the below article. When women hold out on sex, men simply inform the woman that he is going to cheat (and he does) or he just leaves her.
So, I advise you to do the same. Your children are almost grown.
The man is SICK, why would you recommend she cheat on him? I can't put myself in the OP's shoes, but I'm sure I'd be equally frustrated and resentful. However, I would never cheat on my husband just because some survey says that other men have under the same circumstances. My principles and integrity don't change based on other people's actions.
The man is SICK, why would you recommend she cheat on him? I can't put myself in the OP's shoes, but I'm sure I'd be equally frustrated and resentful. However, I would never cheat on my husband just because some survey says that other men have under the same circumstances. My principles and integrity don't change based on other people's actions.
I'm sorry but I am not Jesus Christ. I won't bestow compassion on someone who I know refuses to return the same.
I'm sorry but I am not Jesus Christ. I won't bestow compassion on someone who I know refuses to return the same.
Are you serious?? Her husband cannot help this but it sounds like he is doing everything he can to figure it out...did you not see the list of medications he is on? This is a medical issue and not something that is within his control right now.
It's not that he isn't trying to be compassionate. You've never felt like such crap that you can't possibly even consider sex? That's how some people who are ill feel every freakin' day...and you are suggesting they are lacking compassion?? WOW, just WOW!
I have Hashimoto's and I was just like him, no drive...AT ALL. I could have cared less if I ever had sex again. Before being diagnosed I brought this issue up with my OB and she told me to have sex, and once we begin my body would respond...WRONG! All it did was make me feel used and cheap and at that point I didn't even want to be touched.
I'm not sure how recently his diagnosis was but it takes a VERY long time to regulate the hormones with Hashi's. It's an auto-immune disease so the body attacks the thyroid gland. It is progressive so they have to montior it closely. I've been dealing with this for a year and half and I still go every 2-3 months to have my levels checked and if necessary, adjust my meds.
As for the anxiety, I suffered from that also but that has gotten pretty well controlled too, without the use of anti-anxiety meds. There ARE times where I will go a bit nuts, but usually it's from a major stressor and not everyday events.
What is he on for his Hashimoto's and how often does he have his bloodwork done? They might need to make an adjustment to his meds.
Is he on Synthyroid, Levothyroxine or Armour?? Is he taking a T3 replacement? What anti-anxiety meds and has he tried to go off of them?
Are you serious?? Her husband cannot help this but it sounds like he is doing everything he can to figure it out...did you not see the list of medications he is on? This is a medical issue and not something that is within his control right now.
It's not that he isn't trying to be compassionate. You've never felt like such crap that you can't possibly even consider sex? That's how some people who are ill feel every freakin' day...and you are suggesting they are lacking compassion?? WOW, just WOW!
My lack of compassion comment was completely unhinged and in response to the article. Did you read that article? Did you read it?
Also, I don't know what this illness is like but why would the OP ask this question here if she didn't think he was well enough to have some kind of sex with her? Maybe she just misses intimacy and closeness too.
And yes, I have been sick before but only temporarily so I don't really know what this is like.
He has Hashimoto syndrome which is rare, even rarer in men. He is on a coctail of meds as we are trying to find a 'fit' for his particular needs. It is his libido. He says he wants to, but there is no drive. I say he should try to satisfy my needs and see if that sparks his own but he just never wants to. Masturbation is something that I've never had a problem with, c'mon, I am in my 40's, it is the intimacy of sex in a marriage that I miss. I can feel our connection getting weaker and weaker. I was even thinking of asking for an open marriage, just for the sex end, but I know what I am really missing is that connection you only get from being intimate with your best friend.
I know you are hurting; more from his refusal to take care of your needs now that the table has turned than from his inability to perform. And that is exactly how you need to approach it with him. Stay away from his inability and his illness; focus on your desire for intimacy with him and his showing his concern for you by fulfilling your needs in a way that is new for him.
Having this kind of a talk with your husband is going to take a lot out of both of you, emotionally and physically it will be exhausting as well. If it's possible, can you arrange for a single session with a marital counsellor?
He can't take any drugs like Viagra, that create the "desire"?
Well, if he won't even try to make an effort for closeness, then you have some choices to make. But decide if you want to be with him, or alone. Don't make a mythical, fantasy lover that you will find...because dating at your age is different.
My hubs has a medical condition with his thryoid that includes anxiety/panic attacks. The condition itself and the meds he takes for it mean we have almost no sex life. I am in my early 40's so I am just hitting my stride. I have tried every way I can think of to interest him but it never seems to be enough. We have gotten to the point where we had sex twice last year. Yes. exactly twice. Let that sink in. We used to have sex at least twice a week!
There is nothing he can take for it because of the meds he has to take and I love him dearly
I feel like he got his when we were younger and now that it's me that has the juice, he doesn't reciprocate.
Having sex twice a year would suck, but I highly doubt he's doing this on purpose, and he probably doesn't mean to "neglect" () you. If he can't take any meds for it because of the anxiety attacks/etc, maybe there's someting else. Maybe he just has a lower sex drive now that he's had kids and gotten married? Low testosterone can make this happen.
I'd recommend seeing a doctor or sex therapist or SOMETHING over this, if it bothers you this bad, I have to wonder how badly it bothers HIM.
Does he launch into a panic/anxiety attack when you're getting frisky? Maybe you could try some deep relaxation kind of thing before getting it on (both of you).
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) you. If he can't take any meds for it because of the anxiety attacks/etc, maybe there's someting else. Maybe he just has a lower sex drive now that he's had kids and gotten married? Low testosterone can make this happen.
