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I feel like I am currently in an "undefined relationship" and it's bothering me.
About a month ago I met a guy (8 years older) at a bar and we seemed to hit it off. I slept with him on the next day after lots of texts and calls.
He was my first and he was incredibly gentle.
I actually never expected it to be anything more than a one night stand but he kept in touch and it made me confused. I mean, wouldn't a guy usually disappear after he got what he wanted? Right now I'm not too sure WHAT we are.
On the one hand he seems like he is serious about me, because he introduced me to his family, we went on double dates with some of his closest friends, he always calls/texts a few times a day, he drives me places (even if it's early in the morning or not on his way) and pays for me when we go out, I feel comfortable telling him the truth about everything and I hate lying to him.I've slept in his place and eaten with his family... He is also very protective and doesn't want other men looking at me.
On the other hand, he hates taking photos with me but has no problem doing it with everybody else. He is introducing me as "the girl he met" to everyone (coworkers, family etc.) Almost EVERY time we meet, we either have sex or I give him a HJ/BJ. He used to love to just cuddle with me, but now every time I just put my hand on him (like on his chest) he already thinks I'm up for a HJ and guides my hand over there, when all I actually wanted was to snuggle a little. He also used to care a lot if I enjoy it or not and he'd go out of his way to make it fun for me as well, but now it seems like "as long as it doesn't hurt her, she'll live". He hates when other men look at me but has no problem talking about all of his female friends and a 1000 ex-girlfriends.
He is my first in every possible way (my first kiss, first closest thing to a boyfriend, first person I've slept with etc.) and I feel attached but also confused about his real intentions.
There is a huge gap in experience and I'm afraid that maybe that is the cause... I don't really know how to behave around a guy and what is "normal" (is sleeping with him EVERY time we meet normal?). Please help.Are we a couple?or just FWB?(friends with benefits)Is introducing him as my boyfriend after one month is wrong/weird?
I don't think it's unusual to date for awhile before calling someone your boyfriend or girlfriend. A month isn't really that long. But, since you're sleeping together, meeting one another's friends/family, etc. I don't think it's weird for you to ask him what you are to each other. Sometimes I date a guy for months before I want to introduce him to my family.
There are a few red flags in your post though...he doesn't care about your needs, he talks about his ex girlfriends all the time...no offense, but it seems like the details of your meeting are kind of sketchy. I'd definitely be wary of his intentions.
Get your radar up - actually, I think it's already up but you aren't acknowledging what you know down in your gut.
The guy doesn't really care whether he hurts you physically with sex - doesn't want other men looking at you - tells you about his other girlfriends, but doesn't call you his girlfriend? HONEY - he's not protective, he's a control freak. You should be able to sit and watch t.v. and snuggle without his intentions going south (although that in itself is not that unusual in a new relationship). What's unusual is that you are possibly accommodating him a little too quickly. You need to back peddle on this one and go home at the end of the evening. By yourself. Regain a little control of yourself. I know this is new and exciting and fun, but right now he's calling all the shots and apparently enjoying it quite a lot.
The sex will get mundane or boring or old after a while. Crawl out of bed - insist on some attention other than sexual. The fact that he no longer exerts any effort to make sure your needs are met and you are happy is what we who were formerly in the game call a big ol' honkin' red flag.
I know you said you met him in a bar, but how old are you?
No,nightnday...not every guy would disappear after he gets what he wanted....YOU are the one who gives HJ/BJ almost "EVERY"time you meet...I guess he's come to expect it...so..just don't put your hand on his chest for awhile...put it around his neck, or just snuggle up against him...period!.....about the only thing I can read that is rude on his part is him bragging about past exploits...so tell him you don't care, and you don't want to hear it anymore....as for his intentions...can't you just come out and ASK him??.....Ask him if he considers you his girlfriend, and if he'll be exclusive to you......it's not difficult, and you'll at least know where you stand...............I'm wondering if YOU are ready for a committed relationship?...Is that what YOU want?..........as for you sleeping together every time you meet up..it's not ABnormal....everybodys different.....me and the SO slept together everytime we could...and it never hurt us............The only concerning thing I hear in your post is him bragging about "all of his female friends and 1000 ex girlfriends...if I were you...I'd be concerned that I might end up one of many....and probably wouldn't dish out "the goods" quite as often....one sure way to find out...cut him off...no more nookie, or BJs......just see how he reacts.
Last edited by purehuman; 02-24-2012 at 07:22 PM..
Sounds like you are loosing yourself. He sounds like a controlling person who is only interested in self gratification. My advice is to pull back and get some clarity. Good luck
Everyone is talking about him controlling her. What is he controlling??
They have a date, they have sex, they go out and he pays for her when they go out. Typical non-commitment arrangement. She is offering him sex every time they see each other. So far she is fine with that.
What she wants is a commitment. He is not ready for that or he do not have any serious plans with her.
Putting it very simple: she is giving him "free" sex and he is taking her out and pay for it. There is nothing more going on.
He is older and experienced - she is just learning about the world of "love".
I suspect that when she leaves him, he will only miss the sex part...
Putting it very simple: she is giving him "free" sex and he is taking her out and pay for it. There is nothing more going on.
He is older and experienced - she is just learning about the world of "love".
I suspect that when she leaves him, he will only miss the sex part...
Ewww what the heck is wrong with him. Honey you can do better. It's not love it's lust. Go get a guy that cares. Heck no should you have sex every time! He is stringing you along!
He is my first in every possible way (my first kiss, first closest thing to a boyfriend, first person I've slept with etc.) and I feel attached but also confused about his real intentions.
There is a huge gap in experience and I'm afraid that maybe that is the cause... I don't really know how to behave around a guy and what is "normal" (is sleeping with him EVERY time we meet normal?). Please help.Are we a couple?or just FWB?(friends with benefits)Is introducing him as my boyfriend after one month is wrong/weird?
Feeling attached is normal. Feeling confused is also normal. Remember this...just because there is a gap in experience doesn't mean that you always have to follow his lead. You are entitled to grow and experiment with these feelings. He is not the one who sets the course.
So if you don't feel like having sex every time, tell him. It's ok. And if you want to snuggle without it turning into more, bring your hand back to his chest when he pushes it lower. if he defines the relationship by those things, you will realize it quickly.
Most of all, if he is doing something you don't like, something that bothers you or hurts you, tell him no. Tell him no. You sound very young, so here is a bit of advice from someone probably old enough to be your mama. The only person who can speak up for what you want is you. If you are in a real relationship with someone, they will listen when you speak up. If they don't, you aren't in a real relationship.
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