Was this an insult, or did I take it the wrong way? (dating, marriage)
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Over the weekend, my S.O. suggested that I buy my own condo rather than spending money on rent, as I'm getting nothing out of it. And I do have the money to buy. So I can see his logic, but ...
To my mind, that's sort of like saying, "Okay, I'm going to make a permanent home all by myself, without anyone else's input. I'm going to make the kind of decision that a woman would make if she intends to stay single for a long time."
I dunno. I always envisioned a scenario in which I pooled my cash with my groom-to-be, and we chose where we were going to live, together. If I bought, I wouldn't expect someone to simply move into a house that I owned simply because I chose it and made the down payment. I'd want them to have an opinion on where and how we lived. I believe that this decision is one of the biggest a couple can make together.
So anyway, my feelings got hurt, and I told him this. He said that he didn't mean it "that way," and maybe he didn't. But obviously, he's not planning on getting that serious with me. Am I interpreting this right?
Or he's hoping to move into YOUR place so he doesn't have to pay the price?
Well, that wouldn't happen.
If I buy on my own, it will be a place big enough for only one. There's nothing more pathetic than buying a big house/condo/townhome in hopes that "Mr. Right" will come along. However, a small property would be OK with me.
Note: If I do buy, I don't intend to move. That's the purpose of owning a home, at least to me it is.
Over the weekend, my S.O. suggested that I buy my own condo rather than spending money on rent, as I'm getting nothing out of it. And I do have the money to buy. So I can see his logic, but ...
To my mind, that's sort of like saying, "Okay, I'm going to make a permanent home all by myself, without anyone else's input. I'm going to make the kind of decision that a woman would make if she intends to stay single for a long time."
I dunno. I always envisioned a scenario in which I pooled my cash with my groom-to-be, and we chose where we were going to live, together. If I bought, I wouldn't expect someone to simply move into a house that I owned simply because I chose it and made the down payment. I'd want them to have an opinion on where and how we lived. I believe that this decision is one of the biggest a couple can make together.
So anyway, my feelings got hurt, and I told him this. He said that he didn't mean it "that way," and maybe he didn't. But obviously, he's not planning on getting that serious with me. Am I interpreting this right?
Yeah, I guess I might think about that, if the relationship was somewhat serious. If your thinking that way about him, then (in your shoes) I might wonder too..We must think alike, because I can see this is something that would enter my mind if caught in that same scenario/predicament.
Keep your intuition up. Plus, if you are so convinced/ have your mind made up as to what it already means, then possibly you should bring it up to him anyway. Let him know where you are coming from, what you are looking for. Then gauge his reaction and you'll have more information on what you've told us so that you can make your decision on him.
So you guys don't live together now and you're not engaged? I was confused when you said groom to be...
If I was dating a guy and hoping for us to get married in the future and he suggested I buy my own place I would be crushed. Why would you buy your own place if in the future you're going to get married and get a place together? But...guys don't always think the same way women do. Maybe he didn't mean it that way. If you guys haven't talked about the future, then maybe you should. Better to know now if you two don't see the same future together. Good luck!
Well without really getting into it.. the whole buying is SO much better than renting isn't really as powerful of a point as it was 20 years ago. The market and times are a changin as Bob Dylan would say
Yeah, I guess I might think about that, if the relationship was somewhat serious. If your thinking that way about him, then (in your shoes) I might wonder too..We must think alike, because I can see this is something that would enter my mind if caught in that same scenario/predicament.
Keep your intuition up. Plus, if you are so convinced/ have your mind made up as to what it already means, then possibly you should bring it up to him anyway. Let him know where you are coming from, what you are looking for. Then gauge his reaction and you'll have more information on what you've told us so that you can make your decision on him.
Good luck.
Thanks! It's really too soon into the relationship to decide if we're going to end up together forever — only eight months. If we'd been together for a couple of years, that statement would be very telling.
Right now, it gives me vague pause ...
At any rate, I don't want to give up the dream. I have my "house money" socked away for when I meet the right guy who does want the same things that I do. I have something to contribute, so it's not like I'm asking the man involved to carry all of the weight of a mortgage.
Well without really getting into it.. the whole buying is SO much better than renting isn't really as powerful of a point as it was 20 years ago. The market and times are a changin as Bob Dylan would say
I have to agree with you. I owned a townhouse with my ex-H, and I LOST money on that sucker hand over fist. And it was in a part of town where property values actually went up. Home buying is definitely overrated, IMHO.
I don't think it was an insult at all. I think it speaks about his long term plan with you though, which doesn't look like a long term thing somehow. Certainly not a long term playing house together anyway.
I don't think it was an insult at all. I think it speaks about his long term plan with you though, which doesn't look like a long term thing somehow. Certainly not a long term playing house together anyway.
That's sort of what I'm feeling, too, otherwise he wouldn't have brought it up to begin with. I might be extrapolating the wrong information from this, but what I hear is, "You may as well buy your own place on your own, because we won't ever be making a life together."
It makes me really sad. I love him so much, but ... he's been through a lot more relationship/marriage drama than I have, and I don't believe that he's as optimistic as I am.
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