How to tell if a guy just wants sex (date, movies, men)
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OK, here's my $0.02. The operative word in your question is the word JUST. Any normal, healthy guy is going to want sex. And would you really be interested in a guy who didn't want sex? My guess is probably not.
So how do you tell if they just want sex? That's much harder to gauge. Probably the easiest way to tell is to just go ahead and have sex with him and see if he keeps coming back for more when you insist on getting what you want out of the relationship. Not necessarily a bad strategy, especially if it's a younger guy, as many a guy may have entered a relationship only wanting sex and then got hooked on the girl once in the saddle. And if the guy just wants sex, he'll tend to walk when you insist on getting what you want... ultimately by withholding sex if your demands are not met. So that's one way to find out if a guy just wants sex.
Assuming you want some assurance the guy is really digging you and not just being nice to you in hopes of getting sex in return... and you want to know that before having sex... that's much harder to gauge, but I should think, it would be at least somewhat logical that you cannot have sex before getting this assurance, or else you're back in the position you were in situation #1, above. Accordingly, you withhold sex until you get the assurance you need.
And what are the signs that he doesn't just want sex, while you make him get better acquained with Mr. Hand, you may ask? Well, he'll respect your wishes, for one. He won't pressure you. He won't whine and pout or have hard feelings because he's not getting laid. He'll at least put on a facade that he's perfectly fine without getting sex because, after all, he is so sensitive to your feelings. He won't pay for a date and expect to get affection in return (note: he may or may not pay for the dates, that's another question entirely... but if he does pay, he won't expect sex in return... well, more accurately, he won't make you feel like he's expecting sex in return).
That said, after a while, most guys are going to get tired of playing this little game.... and it really is a game of sorts. And most guys are going to start wondering what the problem is at some point if they feel they have been patient and gentlemanly and still aren't getting any. So putting them off will work for a while with most guys who are genuinely interested in you, but at some point, those same guys may start wondering just how interested you are in them if they have been so nice to you and you aren't interested enough in them to be having sex.
Of course, there's always the celibate who will save himself for marriage. Probably one or more of those right here on C-D. Not sure how to go about finding those guys, though. Maybe at a Star Trek convention or something.
Okay. I'm 34, newly single. Been with two guys in the last 16 years. Never marriet yet. Went out on a date with this really nice guy and he's called and texted me since and wants to take me to Frightmares at the amusement park when it comes. How do you know if a guy wants a relationship or sex? That night he complimented me a lot. He said I was cute, liked my hair and my outfit and my shoes and my eyes. I asked him and he said he wants to get to know me, but who knows. Thanks for your response.
What did you ask him? and how did he respond....yanno, intimacy is a very private thing between two people...I don't believe all men are simply looking for one night stands....but if they come along, I suppose it is difficult for some to say no. However, be yourself, and don't worry about what he is looking for...simply go out with him to have fun, no expectations...and if he starts pushing you then, you have your answer...I don't believe most men are looking...but when they meet someone who isn't intimate with everyone...I think it inspires them....to learn more about that girl....therein will be your answer....and if it doesn't work out, then you two are not compatable, but them main thing is to find out if he is compatable mentally with you....for instance, morals, beliefs, politics, interests....hobbies....are you both willing to learn....what exactly are your expectations of a relationship, b/c no two people ever really think alike, and it is best to find out first, before entering into a relationship...then, hearts don't get hurt.
I find all this talk about "giving in" and "holding out" to be a little retro and strange. To the OP, why don't you take charge of your sexuality and have sex with him if, and when you want to? And then be responsible for your decision. You're an adult--if you both want to have sex, do so, and if you're not ready, or just don't want to, don't. If you're real question is, "how can I be sure he won't take off after we have sex?" you'll just have to ask him. The better you know him, the better you'll be able to determine whether he's a good person and being honest with you.
If you're real question is, "how can I be sure he won't take off after we have sex?" you'll just have to ask him. The better you know him, the better you'll be able to determine whether he's a good person and being honest with you.
Oh come on. Let's say she asks this guy, "Are you just going to take off after we have sex?"
If he has good sense, regardless of his plans he's going to say "Of course not!"
Oh come on. Let's say she asks this guy, "Are you just going to take off after we have sex?"
If he has good sense, regardless of his plans he's going to say "Of course not!"
Well, that's a chance you take. It's still probably a more accurate way to know his intentions than to ask a bunch of strangers on a message board what his intentions are. And I did add that the better she knows him, the better she'll be able to know whether he's telling the truth.
But the main point of my post is that sex is not a commodity that women hand over as a bargaining chip to get something they want out of man. Or at least I don't think it should be. If an adult woman wants to have sex and is comfortable with all of the possible consequences--including staring at the phone, trying to will it to ring when it won't--she should have sex. If she doesn't want to have sex unless she's in a committed relationship, she better wait a while and get to know the guy so she can better gauge his intentions. There still aren't any guarantees, but she ought to be responsible for having sex when she decides it's right for her and the relationship.
If getting to know her is considered a waste of his time, then I'd move on anyway.
I think the OP was just cautioning that for some men there is a point when "long" becomes "too long." I'm sure it's different for everyone, and I'm not suggesting a concrete period if time, if ever. I just know that if I were faced with that situation, sooner or later I'd start looking for someone else to spend time with.
Since you're 34, you're probably at your peak and I'd think you'd want it just as bad. But regardless, make him wait at least until the 3rd date, but no more than 5. All guys want sex (I'm a guy, I know). But not all of us are looking for wham, bam, thank you ma'am. If he seems to have a good personality and you two are making enjoyable and meaningful conversation, continue dating. Good luck.
I think the OP was just cautioning that for some men there is a point when "long" becomes "too long." I'm sure it's different for everyone, and I'm not suggesting a concrete period if time, if ever. I just know that if I were faced with that situation, sooner or later I'd start looking for someone else to spend time with.
Personally, it takes me longer than 3 dates to warm up to someone enough (trust them enough) to be that "relaxed" around them if you know what I mean. That is ofcourse unless they are very looong dates, like all day or something. I obviously never had too many one night stands.
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