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A few years ago I went on a "family vacation" with my mother and her then new boyfriend whom I never met before. Things didn't go well. He tried to boss me around and acted extremely territorial to the point that I took an overnight greyhound to my uncle's place. Since then my mother and I have been at odds. She basically believes whatever he say 100% saying that "he is the most honest person I've ever met" to which I'm staggered in disbelief at her naivete. She also insists that any meeting between us include the BF who incidentally lives with her even though they have no intentions to marry (she wants to keep the money coming in from her deceased husband's retirement). She is the same way with my grandmother in that if they meet for lunch the BF has to go along too..........even though most of the time he says virtually nothing.
So now do I cave in and pretend to accept the BF just to spend time with my mom or do I continue as I have and see her once a year at her workplace?
A few years ago I went on a "family vacation" with my mother and her then new boyfriend whom I never met before. Things didn't go well. He tried to boss me around and acted extremely territorial to the point that I took an overnight greyhound to my uncle's place. Since then my mother and I have been at odds. She basically believes whatever he say 100% saying that "he is the most honest person I've ever met" to which I'm staggered in disbelief at her naivete. She also insists that any meeting between us include the BF who incidentally lives with her even though they have no intentions to marry (she wants to keep the money coming in from her deceased husband's retirement). She is the same way with my grandmother in that if they meet for lunch the BF has to go along too..........even though most of the time he says virtually nothing.
So now do I cave in and pretend to accept the BF just to spend time with my mom or do I continue as I have and see her once a year at her workplace?
Wow, how sad that your mom would choose a guy over her own child
I'm sorry for your pain.
I would do whatever you are most comfortable doing. If you really miss her and would rather see her, then suck it up and do what it takes to make that happen.
The important thing is to take actions you can live with without regret.
Just another way divorces hurt families. The second time I met one of my Mom's boyfriends he referred to me as a (expletive removed) kid. I was a 20-year-old and a very respectful one too. My Mom would only say "oh he didn't mean it." Right. Anyway, the relationship between my Mom and I had been toxic for many years, so now I don't much even talk to her.
I'd pick a place that the a-hole would HATE to go to - like getting a wax or go to a nail salon with your mom -somewhere he would really feel out of place and maybe he would choose not to come. (Then take her out to a nice lunch alone).
A few years ago I went on a "family vacation" with my mother and her then new boyfriend whom I never met before. Things didn't go well. He tried to boss me around and acted extremely territorial to the point that I took an overnight greyhound to my uncle's place. Since then my mother and I have been at odds. She basically believes whatever he say 100% saying that "he is the most honest person I've ever met" to which I'm staggered in disbelief at her naivete. She also insists that any meeting between us include the BF who incidentally lives with her even though they have no intentions to marry (she wants to keep the money coming in from her deceased husband's retirement). She is the same way with my grandmother in that if they meet for lunch the BF has to go along too..........even though most of the time he says virtually nothing.
So now do I cave in and pretend to accept the BF just to spend time with my mom or do I continue as I have and see her once a year at her workplace?
I would try to stay on my Mom's good side. It is a good thing that she isn't merrying this guy, he sounds really controlling. That is more than likely why she isn't allowed to see you by herself. Do you have rights regarding the monies left by your Dad? I'd get an attorney and ask what you can do to insure this guy isn't spending your inheritance. What a mean man he is too keep her in this position, and what a thoughtless, victimized woman your Mom must be.
If she has to drag her bf along you are not really spending time with her. The once a year meeting would be much better for you. You have to let your mom live her life whether you agree or disagree. The bf probably won't last long.
My coworker's father left her mother for another woman when she was in elementary school and has been with that other woman for over 35 years. She still detests her "stepmom" and will snap at her as if her stepmom is a bratty child, but for the most part just ignores her existence.
You don't have to "accept" the boyfriend, but if you want a relationship with your mom then you will have to tolerate him. Just ignore him like his chair is empty when y'all have lunch.
I'd pick a place that the a-hole would HATE to go to - like getting a wax or go to a nail salon with your mom -somewhere he would really feel out of place and maybe he would choose not to come. (Then take her out to a nice lunch alone).
Even if you have to grin and bare it...go see your mom (and the BF)...At least then you can see if she's alright...just ignore him....to see your mom, the compromise would be worth it....I think exit82s idea is a good one.....there must be SOME places you two could meet without the little tag-a-long?
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