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I guess I need some divorce advice as to what to do "just in case" my wife goes over the line or probably already has done so?
Our kids are going into college and so after more than 30 year together, my wife has decided to start to go out and party 3-5 times each week. She takes our only good car most times and sometimes doesn't come home till after 2am... and occasionally, after 4am. I stay home and do my Mr Mom thing with our kids and stay alert to being able to come and rescue her if she gets arrested for DUI or if she wrecks the car again like she recently did, again.
I worked for 30 years in the same industry and accrued a big $300K+ retirement account while my wife stayed home with our 2 kids(now 17 and 18)... but then was forced into a buyout early retirement and since then have been unable to get an equivalent job for more than a couple of year or so. Now, I have been Mr Mom for about a year and my wife is increasing her "wild woman" adventures while I stay home and watch the kids and cook and clean and keep the home as the only responsible parent.
I am continually trying to find a job and was most recently rejected for an interview by egad... the new grocery store in town who supposedly wants people like me of aged but highly experienced customer service oriented folks?
Nonetheless, I am working at home from 6am though sometimes 2am when my last child comes home.... or sometimes later when my wife/child finally comes home or when we finally go and get her.... as when she totaled our good car in a drunken single car accident. Thank God she was uninjured, but I don't see that death avoidance doing anything to deter her from driving drunk again.
I have continually asked her, pleaded with her to quit drinking/drugging with me as I keep drinking when her outside pressure of our marriage exceeds my ability to withstand it and I just drink and pass out in my home office..... the again, I know that my own response drinking is only an excuse for us continuing to be co-dependent drinkers.... but I have offered to quit Immediately together, NOW, with her not wanting to quit....
So, what do I do next?
I don't want to divorce her since I still love her but am starting to realize that she loves someone else or at least doesn't love me enough to be a decent woman anymore.
Considering I am broke, so to speak, what do you recommend I do next to protect me and my kids?
Last edited by 30 year itch; 07-22-2012 at 03:44 PM..
Start by talking - find out what's going on. If she's not happy then you won't be either. Then seeing either a counselor if you plan to work it out, and if not, seek a good divorce atty.
I guess I need some divorce advice as to what to do "just in case" my wife goes over the line or probably already has done so?
Our kids are going into college and so after more than 30 year together, my wife has decided to start to go out and party 3-5 times each week. She takes our only good car most times and sometimes doesn't come home till after 2am... and occasionally, after 4am. I stay home and do my Mr Mom thing with our kids and stay alert to being able to come and rescue her if she gets arrested for DUI or if she wrecks the car again like she recently did, again.
I worked for 30 years in the same industry and accrued a big $300K+ retirement account while my wife stayed home with our 2 kids(now 17 and 18)... but then was forced into a buyout early retirement and since then have been unable to get an equivalent job for more than a couple of year or so. Now, I have been Mr Mom for about a year and my wife is increasing her "wild woman" adventures while I stay home and watch the kids and cook and clean and keep the home as the only responsible parent.
I am continually trying to find a job and was most recently rejected for an interview by egad... the new grocery store in town who supposedly wants people like me of aged but highly experienced customer service oriented folks?
Nonetheless, I am working at home from 6am though sometimes 2am when my last child comes home.... or sometimes later when my wife/child finally comes home or when we finally go and get her....
I don't want to divorce her since I still love her but am starting to realize that she loves someone else or at least doesn't love me enough to be a decent woman anymore.
Considering I am broke, so to speak, what do you recommend I do next to protect me and my kids?
Are you sure you have not done something to make her want to go out? Not speaking of money but is she still your world and do you let her know it? Do you respect her, love her, hug her, tell her you love her and go out with her. Do you still have what you had when you all first met?
Are you eating properly, taking care of yourself?
I ask this because I am a woman and sometimes people let the 30 years happen without showing affection for the wife. If you have not shown her that she rocks your world, maybe, just maybe... she needs affection!
I am now unemployed and to her worthless even though I am doing what she did while I had a career and she stayed home.
Next, I have gained weight, just like she did but now she is dieting and losing weight... even more clues to her cheating on our family.
I move and even ask for sex, but she refuses.... so that is another clue to her cheating.
And, now I have discovered her to lying as to where and why she is going out after work... a sail club for singles and gay bars with co-workers who are gay.
We spent my $330K plus retirement so I have nothing to fall back upon while her best female friend/lover is very wealthy.
It is looking more and more like I will end up under a bridge somewhere???
I am now unemployed and to her worthless even though I am doing what she did while I had a career and she stayed home.
Next, I have gained weight, just like she did but now she is dieting and losing weight... even more clues to her cheating on our family.
I move and even ask for sex, but she refuses.... so that is another clue to her cheating.
And, now I have discovered her to lying as to where and why she is going out after work... a sail club for singles and gay bars with co-workers who are gay.
We spent my $330K plus retirement so I have nothing to fall back upon while her best female friend/lover is very wealthy.
It is looking more and more like I will end up under a bridge somewhere???
No, as someone said talk with her. Make her dinner. Tell her you love her, change did not happen overnight. If you really still love her see what you can do to remedy the issue and if not move on.
Hugs to you I know it is tough right now.
Start by talking - find out what's going on. If she's not happy then you won't be either. Then seeing either a counselor if you plan to work it out, and if not, seek a good divorce atty.
Have tried to get her to go to counselors for years but she won't do it. Even recommended a female counselor but she refused. She has apparently way too many sins to confess or hide... but I don't care. All I want is my wife/mother of 30 years back again and not some slimeball drunken hoe which is what she has become.....
She also is becoming more violent towards me and doesn't hesitate to hit me during our relatively minor arguments. Yesterday, she demanded to take my debit/credit card out partying and when I refused she stole my check book. I took her purse and said PLEASE give me back my check book and I will give you back your purse..... upon which she attacked me, hitting me in the face and head. I retreated, and said to STOP hitting me. She did and then gave me back my checkbook after I tossed her purse on the bed.
I have many, many pictures of the injuries I have gotten from her tempertantrums over the years.... but they always seem to stem from me winning our vocal arguements... so I forgive her.
I am more than ready to commit to being whatever she wants if only she commits to once again being a good person, wife and mother.
No, as someone said talk with her. Make her dinner. Tell her you love her, change did not happen overnight. If you really still love her see what you can do to remedy the issue and if not move on.
Hugs to you I know it is tough right now.
I AM the cook in the house forever and from day one(even when I worked at my career)and love to cook her gourmet meals. It isn't unusual for us to eat 5 elite restaurant grade meals in a week... and I love to do so.... but now it isn't appreciated anymore it seems.
Even worse, is that my kids look upon me with a lack of respect not remembering how I worked during their early years as a mid level executive for a Pharma division of Pfizer, making what mom now makes, during her recent years for what I made for 20 years.....
My wife denigrates me at every chance she can now that I am unemployed and doing the job she did for 10 years earlier in our kids lives.
You don't need marriage counseling as much as you need a substance abuse counselor.
Agreed... but how do I get her to go?
Sadly, when she goes out 4-5 times a week, a bit of me hopes that she gets arrested without any accident or mishap which injures someone else.
BUT, with my kids already turned against me, I just can't bring myself to turn her in myself.... and I don't know what to do.
Her partying is also costing us money we don't have to spend and has kept me from going to the doctor for needed medical care. I haven't let her costs keep her from going to get medical care though.... as I love her and don't care that she wants me to die....
FYI, she took a single female vacation to Lake Tahoe and ended up getting arrested in the casino there for being drunk with a bunch of strangers and then being kicked out but returning to the casino only to get kicked out again and finally resisting arrest forcefully.... ending up in jail. She called me and of course I negotiated her charges downgraded to a single misdemeanor of disorderly conduct.... which she plead guilty to and it cost us another $1200.... but still she does the same BS....
Sadly, when she goes out 4-5 times a week, a bit of me hopes that she gets arrested without any accident or mishap which injures someone else.
BUT, with my kids already turned against me, I just can't bring myself to turn her in myself.... and I don't know what to do.
Her partying is also costing us money we don't have to spend and has kept me from going to the doctor for needed medical care. I haven't let her costs keep her from going to get medical care though.... as I love her and don't care that she wants me to die....
FYI, she took a single female vacation to Lake Tahoe and ended up getting arrested in the casino there for being drunk with a bunch of strangers and then being kicked out but returning to the casino only to get kicked out again and finally resisting arrest forcefully.... ending up in jail. She called me and of course I negotiated her charges downgraded to a single misdemeanor of disorderly conduct.... which she plead guilty to and it cost us another $1200.... but still she does the same BS....
Wow, so much. I would personally go to a counselor myself - are their counselors that work on a sliding scale? It sounds very hateful, and I am not a counselor but I would certainly start going on my own and maybe someone with counseling experience can chime in.
I am sorry.
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