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We always talk about how people won't change...But if I really think back about myself...I sure have in a lot of ways. Especially with relationships.
So when we have these situations where it is said "They won't change" I have to ask myself :"Well why not? I have. Why won't they or why will they?"
I know most people do keep doing the same thing...But then I think of people who were totally crazy party heads through teens and 20 and in the 40's they own a business, stopped the skanking, stopped with drugs etc....
I know I can't be the only changer! LOL
But what do you think makes a person change or stay stuck in current operations?
we may change our habits, but we're still the same person inside.
it takes about two years to unlearn a habit, but your personality is unlikely to change, it's largely set by your upbringing.
we appear to change in a relationship because we all try " just that little bit harder" in the start, then we gradually relax into our true selves.
i guess we all mess about with sex 'n drugs ' rock 'n roll, but, as we get older, somehow it loses some of it's shine, and other things become dear to us.
But what do you think makes a person change or stay stuck in current operations?
I was a mess, when I met my ex husband. I was young, and already been through alot.
I changed because of him, and for that, I am very thankful!
I changed because he made me believe that I was a much better person on the inside, than what I was showing on the outside. It took me awhile, but I finally believed it!
We always talk about how people won't change...But if I really think back about myself...I sure have in a lot of ways.
what do you think makes a person change or stay stuck?
things that can be a catalyst for change are some kind of "hitting bottom" or crisis: divorce, getting arrested, going to jail, serious illness, losing a job, tragic death, car accident, drug problems, alcohol problems, financial problems
because these can be severe enough to cause a person to take a look at how they are living life and thus perhaps try and make some changes.
but unless and until a person is willing to do something like therapy, counseling, a 12-step program for addictive behavior, and actually use the tools they are given, they are not going to change.
the things that keep a person stuck are refusal to seek help, arrogance that they don't need help, misconception they can fix themselves, denial that they have a problem, blaming someone else for their problems
Nothing changes until something changes. That usually means a person being willing to get help.
things that can be a catalyst for change are some kind of "hitting bottom" or crisis: divorce, getting arrested, going to jail, serious illness, losing a job, tragic death, car accident, drug problems, alcohol problems, financial problems
because these can be severe enough to cause a person to take a look at how they are living life and thus perhaps try and make some changes.
but unless and until a person is willing to do something like therapy, counseling, a 12-step program for addictive behavior, and actually use the tools they are given, they are not going to change.
the things that keep a person stuck are refusal to seek help, arrogance that they don't need help, misconception they can fix themselves, denial that they have a problem, blaming someone else for their problems
Nothing changes until something changes. That usually means a person being willing to get help.
Kinda makes me want to avoid anyone who has not been through a crisis yet. LOL
That may be one of the many reasons 20something relationships seem to not always pan out for the best....Maturity I guess could happen at any age...But usually you have to put some time in on this mudball to see some real problems.
we may change our habits, but we're still the same person inside.
it takes about two years to unlearn a habit, but your personality is unlikely to change, it's largely set by your upbringing.
Gotta disagree with you on this one. A lot of research shows that it takes about six weeks to break a habit. People are more successful if they replace a bad habit with a good one to fill the vacuum.
I think it's possible for the essence of a person to change as well. Unusual, but possible. And it generally requires some enormous external catalyst. But people can change. I'm not the same person I used to be.
Changing your essence? I've been on both sides of that debate - not sure where I am with it right now.
What I DO think is that change is constant and unavoidable. Perhaps what occurs when someone is "stuck" is not so much that they refuse to change as they refuse to acknowledge that they ARE changed. Their battle isn't with the external situation; it's within themselves.
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I was young, and already been through alot. 
