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I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half. We met online. I like him a lot and we have fun when we hang out, but sometimes I wonder if he's just too busy to have a girlfriend. He has a really busy job, he plays in 2 different sports leagues which take up 3 of his week nights, and he has a lot of friends and other social things he does. I just found out his dad is in town for Memorial Day weekend and they're playing golf and doing guy stuff, so hanging out this weekend is a no go and I haven't seen him since last Sunday. Sunday was really good - we hung out all day. I even met a few of his friends for the first time. I felt like things were going really well, but now it's going to be another really long stretch without seeing each other.
I feel conflicted. It hasn't been all that long that we've been seeing each other. But I don't want to waste time with someone who doesn't want what I do and doesn't have time for me. I'm not a needy person and I don't want to see him everyday, but at least 2 times a week would be good. He's 32 by the way. We also live 30 minutes apart so that makes it tougher as well, but in 2 weeks I'm moving and we'll live only a few miles apart. Tell me, CD! What should I do?
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Sounds like you could add some interests, hobbies, activities to your own life. Not only will it occupy your mind but it will make you more interesting to him and maybe he'll suddenly start finding more time to see you. If you want him to stay interested--stay interesting.
ETA: No one is ever really too busy to date. If they want it, they'll make time for it.
"Too busy to have a girlfriend." Sounds like he has an actual life and doesn't need someone to fill up his time. You could always ask to go to one of the sporting events and watch him play or something...
What should you do? You should talk to your boyfriend. Just be honest and tell him what your expectations are. He'll either value you enough to meet those expectations or he won't. If you really don't want to waste time, then don't stay in a situation that doesn't work for you.
What should you do?
Nothing. Keep seeing him. You seem to want more companionship than he's currently providing. But meeting his friends is important and a good step you're moving in the right direction.
When you live closer , just ask to see him. If you normally hang out on Sun , call him on a Tues and see if he wants to do something Wed (or Thur if Wed is sports night)after work. If he says yes, you've got your 2 days and can then make it a pattern. GL
Whyte Byrd, I think you're making some unnecessary assumptions and judgements about the OP. She may have plenty of interests and activities and may not be needy (which is what you sort of imply), but still want to have a relationship and spend time with someone. The two are not mutually exclusive. She just wants to spend time with a guy she's dating -- that's not a cry for help or indication she has no life. But if this guy is that hyper-busy and doesn't have time / make time to see her, all her interests and activities don't matter.
strawberrykiki, I'd give it another couple of weeks before you decide if you should throw in the towel. To give you a firsthand account ... in my current relationship,*I* am the one who is hyper-busy. Coupled with my date's work travel and child custody schedule, we may go a couple of weeks without being able to see each other. To be honest, I've decided he's just not that interesting to make the adjustments to my life. I have a lot of responsibilities, I really like my hobbies, I love my friends ... I guess I've just decided that there's no LTR potential here so I'm not going to invest any more effort into it.
Thanks everyone. I probably should have more interests and hobbies honestly. Right now I commute about an hour each way into the city for work. Almost all of my friends live in the city, so it can be difficult for me to hang out on nights and weekends. Hopefully once I move it will be a lot easier for me to spend time with friends and get out and do things.
He makes effort to get in touch with me usually at night when he gets home even if it's just a quick hi, so I feel like he's making effort. He's not seeing other women. He's just busy. And maybe I'm not busy enough. I just need a little bit more from him, but since it's been a short time I don't want to scare him off by telling him he needs to make more time for me.
The blunt answer to your question is this: almost no one is ever "too busy" to date. I don't care if the person works 140 hours a week and sleeps 2 hours a night, they can make the time if they are truly into the other person.
It's like married couples who say, "I'm too tired for sex," or "I'm too busy to have sex." That's just an excuse. Those same people waste 2 hours a night on Facebook or veg in front of the TV but "are too busy" for sex or dating? It's all about a person's priorities. For someone they are crazy about, they will make the time to be with that person.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,005,830 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiderGirl
Whyte Byrd, I think you're making some unnecessary assumptions and judgements about the OP. She may have plenty of interests and activities and may not be needy (which is what you sort of imply), but still want to have a relationship and spend time with someone. The two are not mutually exclusive. She just wants to spend time with a guy she's dating -- that's not a cry for help or indication she has no life. But if this guy is that hyper-busy and doesn't have time / make time to see her, all her interests and activities don't matter.
strawberrykiki, I'd give it another couple of weeks before you decide if you should throw in the towel. To give you a firsthand account ... in my current relationship,*I* am the one who is hyper-busy. Coupled with my date's work travel and child custody schedule, we may go a couple of weeks without being able to see each other. To be honest, I've decided he's just not that interesting to make the adjustments to my life. I have a lot of responsibilities, I really like my hobbies, I love my friends ... I guess I've just decided that there's no LTR potential here so I'm not going to invest any more effort into it.
My 2 cents.
Assumptions are based on the facts at hand. There was no judgment going on. I said 'It sounds like'. I didn't give a definitive. She asked a question, I gave my opinion. Simple as that.
The blunt answer to your question is this: almost no one is ever "too busy" to date. I don't care if the person works 140 hours a week and sleeps 2 hours a night, they can make the time if they are truly into the other person.
It's like married couples who say, "I'm too tired for sex," or "I'm too busy to have sex." That's just an excuse. Those same people waste 2 hours a night on Facebook or veg in front of the TV but "are too busy" for sex or dating? It's all about a person's priorities. For someone they are crazy about, they will make the time to be with that person.
And how do you know this?
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