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I am Indian Guy (from India). Born and raised in India. Moved to US few years back. 6 ft, Slim, good job and open minded.
Whenever i try to talk to any women (on a date or even in office), my legs starts shivering and my heart starts beating fast.
I have been on a date 4-5 times but i always start feeling awkward and end up ruining it. Woman never calls me back for 2nd date (obviously) and even i don't have guts to call her back.
Whenever i am on a date with any American Woman, i don't know what to talk about. I think of talking about how beautiful she looks or appraise her but then i feel that she might react not as per my hope or even think i am just another Indian pervert looking to use her for sex and leave her.
I want to share many things that is hidden in my heart but i always feel that she will ignore or laugh at that.
I am also feeling depressed with the fact that Indians are considered worst in the dating pool and thus eventually i am afraid to talk to any good looking woman. If by chance, she starts talking my abnormal behavior starts (shivering legs and heart beating fast). Due to this behavior i just try to end the talk as fast as possible and run..
It's not that i don't like woman but i am very afraid to talk to them.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior is not only with american women but also with indian women.
I have also noticed that my awkward behavior goes away after few years. I have known an indian woman (neighbor) for many years. When she first talked i felt same (shivering legs and heart beating fast) but i was able to get over that after couple of years. (only with that woman)
Do you think it is something related to my childhood? I didn't had any sister (not even cousin) and i was only child of my parents. I rarely used to see my mom as she had very long working hours. In the school also it was inappropriate for a boy to talk with any girl. Thus, i rarely had any interaction with girls.
Should i go to any therapist or medical treatment?
Here's what you should do, you should stop being a huge weirdo!
In all seriousness based on your OP, your problems are more than just a physical manifestation of anxiety.
Read this: "Whenever i am on a date with any American Woman, i don't know what to talk about. I think of talking about how beautiful she looks or appraise her but then i feel that she might react not as per my hope or even think i am just another Indian pervert looking to use her for sex and leave her."
Your thought process is just off man. Stop trying to predict how girls will react. Stop second guessing yourself. I can tell a girl in the street that she's beautiful and she won't think I'm a pervert looking for sex. Why? Because I know I'm not a pervert looking for sex. Don't force ridiculous thoughts into your mind.
Why do you think Indians are considered "the worst in the dating pool?" That right there seems to be a big part of your issues -- you lack confidence.
You should talk to a woman on a date like you would anyone else -- ask her questions about her life, her job, her hobbies. If you let her talk instead of putting all the pressue on yourself it will probably get easier.
Also, I think that a therapist could actually be very helpful with what is clearly a social anxiety disorder, so yes, I recommend finding someone to talk through this with!
IMO, You lack confidence. Since you lack confidence, you are having a lot of anxiety when you talk to women, because you are fearing a bad outcome.
You need to learn not to fear. Whatever the actual fear is. Stop putting women on such a high pedastol.
Try talking to women without expectation. Don't be out looking for a date, trying a pickup line, etc. Treat it like talking to a co-worker, neighbor, or cashier, or whoever.
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