Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I screwed up a potential “something” with a guy I really liked (posted about him previously).
I have a tendency towards depression, but I don’t take medication for it because 1) it happens fairly infrequently, always from specific causes and 2) once I recognize it, I can pull myself out of it by addressing whatever has triggered the depression. I also see a therapist when I need to. However, now I’m living in a new town on the other side of the country, with a limited support system (previously, my support system was pretty vast).
An injury combined with a horrible work situation set me off this time, and I never even noticed I was getting depressed because I was crazy busy. Then I slept with this guy when I was right in the middle of my depression (and after several dates). It was basically the sole bright spot during that period, so I latched onto him. Not psycho latching-on, but there was a definite change in my texting/emailing patterns after we slept together and a definite whiff of desperation. I’m reasonably certain I totally overwhelmed him. But the truth is, I don’t even know what I want from him beyond another round in bed. I just thought there might be something more there worth exploring; I haven’t clicked with anyone to that degree in years.
Although his initial texts in the days after were very enthusiastic and definitely interested, he eventually withdrew completely (though he didn’t actually block me). As soon as he stopped responding, I stopped texting. He’s not seeing anyone new in a serious way that I can tell, as he’s still active on the dating site. When I realized what was going on with my brain chemistry, I sent him a note of apology/explanation and took down my dating profile so I could concentrate on fixing what was wrong. It’s been a month, and I’m feeling much better – made the changes I needed to, and am sticking with them. I’ve come to terms with the difficulties with my job, and I’ve restarted my fitness/diet plan now that I’m healed up. I’ve also reached out to the friends I have here to give them a heads up and ask them to let me know if I seem to be slipping.
So my question is, once I’m fully back on track (I’d want to wait at least another month to make sure I don’t backslide), should I contact him, and if so, what on earth do I say? “Hi, I’m not crazy anymore”? Or did I make irreparable errors?
It was a pretty specific set of circumstances that set me off, and the odds of it happening again are pretty low. Heck, even if it did happen again, once I realized the situation, I took action immediately. Plus it wasn’t exactly like I came totally unglued, just a little clingy. FWIW, he also hasn’t exactly been perfect – he made a couple of missteps early on that a lot of women would have dropped him for and led him to ask if he still had a chance. But I let it ride, because I’d want someone to give me the benefit of the doubt too (obviously, I need it).
no i think reaching out again would just make your situation worse. the ball is in his court now. id try to move on and if he does contact you take your time in responding. you need to be very passive and act uninterested if you want a guy to want you. sad but true.
Ehh, you can try but once I have something in my head like that it's really hard to change it. I'd give you a 20% chance of it working out in your favor. Regardless, you seem like a cool girl, you'll certainly meet other people so don't let that worry you too much.
I screwed up a potential “something” with a guy I really liked (posted about him previously).
I have a tendency towards depression, but I don’t take medication for it because 1) it happens fairly infrequently, always from specific causes and 2) once I recognize it, I can pull myself out of it by addressing whatever has triggered the depression. I also see a therapist when I need to. However, now I’m living in a new town on the other side of the country, with a limited support system (previously, my support system was pretty vast).
An injury combined with a horrible work situation set me off this time, and I never even noticed I was getting depressed because I was crazy busy. Then I slept with this guy when I was right in the middle of my depression (and after several dates). It was basically the sole bright spot during that period, so I latched onto him. Not psycho latching-on, but there was a definite change in my texting/emailing patterns after we slept together and a definite whiff of desperation. I’m reasonably certain I totally overwhelmed him. But the truth is, I don’t even know what I want from him beyond another round in bed. I just thought there might be something more there worth exploring; I haven’t clicked with anyone to that degree in years.
Although his initial texts in the days after were very enthusiastic and definitely interested, he eventually withdrew completely (though he didn’t actually block me). As soon as he stopped responding, I stopped texting. He’s not seeing anyone new in a serious way that I can tell, as he’s still active on the dating site. When I realized what was going on with my brain chemistry, I sent him a note of apology/explanation and took down my dating profile so I could concentrate on fixing what was wrong. It’s been a month, and I’m feeling much better – made the changes I needed to, and am sticking with them. I’ve come to terms with the difficulties with my job, and I’ve restarted my fitness/diet plan now that I’m healed up. I’ve also reached out to the friends I have here to give them a heads up and ask them to let me know if I seem to be slipping.
So my question is, once I’m fully back on track (I’d want to wait at least another month to make sure I don’t backslide), should I contact him, and if so, what on earth do I say? “Hi, I’m not crazy anymore”? Or did I make irreparable errors?
If and when you do reach out to make contact with him again, DO NOT mention anything about your past clingy ways. I would just play it cool if I were you.
I'm also a woman, but from what I hear, men aren't much of the talkers that we think they are. I would also be semi-aggressive. I would send him a message something like this:
"Hey, how have you been recently? Want to hang out this weekend?"
I'd be direct and not discuss anything about feelings, since you two haven't been talking for a while. A guy doesn't want to discuss feelings. Show him you're interested by your actions!
no i think reaching out again would just make your situation worse. the ball is in his court now. id try to move on and if he does contact you take your time in responding. you need to be very passive and act uninterested if you want a guy to want you. sad but true.
Eh. I agree with this. But after she asks him to hang out. Right?
I'd be direct and not discuss anything about feelings, since you two haven't been talking for a while. A guy doesn't want to discuss feelings. Show him you're interested by your actions!
But that is just my $.02
Thank you for your understanding of men, please preach this to all your friends
First of all, kudos to you for getting on top of your issues and taking responsiblity for them and taking steps to help yourself feel better. A lot of people just sit around and complain, but they don't take do anything to help themselves feel better.
I'd let this guy go. So, you were having a tough time...it happens. As long as you weren't texting or calling him 50 times a day or sending him engagement rings as a hint, then I don't really understand why he withdrew from you completely. I've complained in other threads (sorry lol) about this happening to me recently with a guy who just seemed to change his mind about dating me and just stopped contacting me until I got the hint. I think that sucks and anyone who would just stop contacting you sucks. You slept with this guy, and if you were coming on too strong and made him rethink dating you then he damn well should have said something and given you an explanation before he fell off the face of the earth. I would move on. But that's just me.
If and when you do reach out to make contact with him again, DO NOT mention anything about your past clingy ways. I would just play it cool if I were you.
I'm also a woman, but from what I hear, men aren't much of the talkers that we think they are. I would also be semi-aggressive. I would send him a message something like this:
"Hey, how have you been recently? Want to hang out this weekend?"
I'd be direct and not discuss anything about feelings, since you two haven't been talking for a while. A guy doesn't want to discuss feelings. Show him you're interested by your actions!
But that is just my $.02
^^The bolded. That's exactly what I was thinking. Let things cool down. Get yourself back to the place you need to be for yourself. A simple, "Hi, how's it going? What's new?" kinda thing and if he responds, then you take each response with a grain of salt. If there's no response and he makes no effort then let it go. He's not worth your time
If and when you do reach out to make contact with him again, DO NOT mention anything about your past clingy ways. I would just play it cool if I were you.
I'm also a woman, but from what I hear, men aren't much of the talkers that we think they are. I would also be semi-aggressive. I would send him a message something like this:
"Hey, how have you been recently? Want to hang out this weekend?"
I'd be direct and not discuss anything about feelings, since you two haven't been talking for a while. A guy doesn't want to discuss feelings. Show him you're interested by your actions!
But that is just my $.02
I'm thinking this is a good approach - thanks!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
