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I get what the OP is saying. You ladies can reassure us all you want that you are looking for nice guys, but all us decent hearted men either get friended or become something resembling a Brother/sister type thing.
Don't fall for the C-D propaganda. It's not true.
Knock it off, Rabbit. People DO take classes to socialize, some DO go to the grocery to chat in the check-out line, they DO go to the gym to socialize, depending on the gym and the crowd. And it never occurred to me that if a guy approaches a woman, he's "only after one thing". Women WANT guys to talk to them! And the point of taking a class or joining a sports club, like a kayaking or hiking club, is that you don't need to approach anyone! Because you're already there in the group with them, and over time and casual conversations while sharing activities, they'll get to know you. And when they get to know you, some will be impressed! Because you're an impressive guy! Be patient, it's a process, whether at work, or at play, or taking a class.
Quit kicking and screaming whenever I try to drag you into a social situation.
The same happens with women. I met most of my male friends by having a bit of a crush on them, then they rejected me, but I still thought they were fun people to hang out with.
You can't force someone to like you.
Maybe folks like us just aren't very likable in that way. There's only a handful of people out there who'd want us like that.
Maybe folks like us just aren't very likable in that way. There's only a handful of people out there who'd want us like that.
I'm likeable, I've got a ton of friends and they're pretty great for the most part. It's the romantic thing that eludes me. I'd like to think I'm a good person, but not quite the 'dateable' type. I know I'm a very niche type person and that in all reality my dating pool is very, very small so I have to work with it
Knock it off, Rabbit. People DO take classes to socialize, some DO go to the grocery to chat in the check-out line, they DO go to the gym to socialize, depending on the gym and the crowd. And it never occurred to me that if a guy approaches a woman, he's "only after one thing". Women WANT guys to talk to them! And the point of taking a class or joining a sports club, like a kayaking or hiking club, is that you don't need to approach anyone! Because you're already there in the group with them, and over time and casual conversations while sharing activities, they'll get to know you. And when they get to know you, some will be impressed! Because you're an impressive guy! Be patient, it's a process, whether at work, or at play, or taking a class.
Quit kicking and screaming whenever I try to drag you into a social situation.
Just do this stuff.
Talk to women and be assertive. You can be a nice guy and still show her that you mean business. Most guys who call themselves nice guys are overly nice to the point of being annoying. It's great to be respectful, but just go for it and make a move on the women.
I go to class to learn, don't get me wrong... but what's the first thing I do on the first day of class? I scan the room for the hottest girl in the class to sit next to her and talk to her. If she seems nice I ask her to meet up to study or whatever, if she seems not so nice I sit elsewhere and find another pretty girl to meet.
Women love to be approached and talked to as long as you're a genuine guy and can hold a conversation. So talk to all women and if they seem nice ask them to hang out. Simple as that.
If you don't want to be friend zoned, make a move on them. If you want to get friend zoned then take it way slow.
...being a gentleman, being a good and decent man simply isn't worth it.
So, really, what IS the point of 'being yourself'?
looking for a romantic partner is a self fulfilling endeavor, you only attract what or who you are. if you really think tricking someone into wanting to be around you is the way to go, you deserve all the drama and bad relations you create along the way.
nobody said finding a decent person who is right for you would be easy.
I'm likeable, I've got a ton of friends and they're pretty great for the most part. It's the romantic thing that eludes me. I'd like to think I'm a good person, but not quite the 'dateable' type. I know I'm a very niche type person and that in all reality my dating pool is very, very small so I have to work with it
That's what I meant by "in that way." I've got a few really good friends. Many women seem to like me just fine... as a friend. As a "brother." As anything-but-us-being-together.
Ultimately it seems girls want exciting, gutty guys. Unfortunately, they have to realize by wanting and being attracted to those types, it increases the chances of cheating, because as exciting and risk-taking as they are, those same principles apply to relationships. There is something to be said for dating a more boring, safe person if you're still attracted to them. Of course, if there is no attraction anyway, it's a moot point.
Ultimately it seems girls want exciting, gutty guys. Unfortunately, they have to realize by wanting and being attracted to those types, it increases the chances of cheating, because as exciting and risk-taking as they are, those same principles apply to relationships. There is something to be said for dating a more boring, safe person if you're still attracted to them. Of course, if there is no attraction anyway, it's a moot point.
Why is it that they want some motorcycle-ridin', skydiving, bear-wrestling badass? They themselves generally don't lead similarly intrepid lives.
Kinda sounds like the complaint people make of average folks wanting above-average folks.
Talk to women and be assertive. You can be a nice guy and still show her that you mean business. Most guys who call themselves nice guys are overly nice to the point of being annoying. It's great to be respectful, but just go for it and make a move on the women.
I go to class to learn, don't get me wrong... but what's the first thing I do on the first day of class? I scan the room for the hottest girl in the class to sit next to her and talk to her. If she seems nice I ask her to meet up to study or whatever, if she seems not so nice I sit elsewhere and find another pretty girl to meet.
Women love to be approached and talked to as long as you're a genuine guy and can hold a conversation. So talk to all women and if they seem nice ask them to hang out. Simple as that.
If you don't want to be friend zoned, make a move on them. If you want to get friend zoned then take it way slow.
I wonder if the girls notice you doing this... I had this happen in a sociology class I had to take many years ago. Every day the guy would sit next to and flirt with a new girl and he slowly worked down the list starting at the hottest. By the time he got to me (I was pretty far down the list, which is why I noticed) I saw his game and when he tried to flirt I rolled my eyes and ignored him.
Just as an FYI though... I don't know if I would use the term 'hang out'. That's usually reserved for being friendly and if you make a move on me while 'hanging out' I'm not going to be happy and I'll feel like you're using the friend angle to get some action. If you like a girl, ask her out. Period.
...being a gentleman, being a good and decent man simply isn't worth it.
There it is. We have seen posts saying that women don't 'buy it', it's all a 'scam', or some other excuse. Men who are genuinely honest and have good intentions, men who are seeking a mature relationship without the drama and games are totally screwed. So, really, what IS the point of 'being yourself'? What exactly does it do for someone in this regard? Is it better to just say 'F it!' and change... change into someone completely different? I mean... if a good guy cannot even get a simple lunch/drink/walk in the park 'date' with a good woman then what is there to do? Continue to carry on as usual? Really? Isn't THAT the definition of insanity - doing (or being) the same thing and expecting different results?
I carry on and just don't think about it. Seriously. I used to try at this sort of stuff, never worked. Decided to start fixing the things in my personality that made me a doormat, I'm not a "nice guy" any more, but I do try to be a good and decent man (sadly, I hardly bother being a gentleman anymore- not a whole lot of "ladies" around to appreciate it. I still hold doors, say please and thank you, etc. though.)
So now I don't try anymore. I'm single, and I'm fine with that. I see people say "you'll find love when you aren't looking for it" all the time here. God forbid I actually follow the advice given for once.
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