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as a child for years by his own father, he engaged in sexual acts, it wasn't just being touched, it was being raped, and it also included the person who was abused also penetrating his own abuser
I have never been in that situation. However, my opinion is that if the man gets counseling and is able to work through his feelings it wouldn't stop me from being in a relationship with him. A lot depends on the specific situation, for example if it was years and years of abuse and the man said that he was "cured" after only two or three times visiting a psychologist I would be concerned. On the other hand, if he has had extensive counseling and the abuse was many years in his past then I wouldn't be as worried.
I would discuss this with my own counselor/psychologist (perhaps someone who specializes in working with abused children). If you have children or may want children in the future i would definetly be careful. But remember, he was the victim.
And, I would never let my children alone with his father, the rapist (actually I would never let them anywhere near the child rapist) even if the man forgave his father..
All the literature that I have read says that the urge to have sex with children can never be erased or cured.
I've dated a guy or two who were sexually abused as kids.
One wasn't over it so I stopped seeing him; the other spent several years in therapy and had I not been dating him, I would never have known.
We had different goals but were friends for years.
He's now married and happy.
It's hard to get over rape and other forms of sexual abuse, no matter what the gender.
as a child for years by his own father, he engaged in sexual acts, it wasn't just being touched, it was being raped, and it also included the person who was abused also penetrating his own abuser
I would only knowingly be involved with a man with this history IF he had completed years of successful therapy or were actively involved in therapy, clearly emotionally healthy and with firm boundaries in place toward his abuser.
as a child for years by his own father, he engaged in sexual acts, it wasn't just being touched, it was being raped, and it also included the person who was abused also penetrating his own abuser
EVERYTHING depends on whether he's gotten professional help to heal from the trauma. If the answer is "no", run. If the answer is "yes", give it a try. I knew a guy who had a similar history. He really worked hard in therapy to resolve his issues, get over the depression, and become a better person. It worked. Another guy I know is from a similar, if not worse, background. Check out the thread on sociopaths to find out what people like this can turn into. Manipulators and worse. At best, depressed individuals.
Children have to provide sexual services for their caregivers if expected to do so, because they need to survive. The only alternative is to run away. That's usually not an option for little kids. So don't blame him for what he did. He was a helpless victim. They key question is: what has he done about it as an adult?
EVERYTHING depends on whether he's gotten professional help to heal from the trauma. If the answer is "no", run. If the answer is "yes", give it a try. I knew a guy who had a similar history. He really worked hard in therapy to resolve his issues, get over the depression, and become a better person. It worked. Another guy I know is from a similar, if not worse, background. Check out the thread on sociopaths to find out what people like this can turn into. Manipulators and worse. At best, depressed individuals.
Children have to provide sexual services for their caregivers if expected to do so, because they need to survive. The only alternative is to run away. That's usually not an option for little kids. So don't blame him for what he did. He was a helpless victim. They key question is: what has he done about it as an adult?
just because someone has been in therapy doesn't mean the person has healed, I don't even know what heal means, it will always affect the person the abuse, nobody completely gets over this.
just because someone has been in therapy doesn't mean the person has healed, I don't even know what heal means, it will always affect the person the abuse, nobody completely gets over this.
Not true - people can and do overcome.
The human spirit can be indomitable in some.
Look at Elizabeth Smart and all she went thru and the strength she's displayed.
Look at Elizabeth Smart and all she went thru and the strength she's displayed.
just because they might look fine doesn't mean that they are, she might still be getting therapy because of this, and it's worse for someone who was abused by a family member than a stranger
just because someone has been in therapy doesn't mean the person has healed, I don't even know what heal means, it will always affect the person the abuse, nobody completely gets over this.
Healing means they can go on to be happy, productive members of society. It means the emotional charge associated with the abuse is gone. Radical trauma therapy is needed for this, but it does work if the patient makes the effort.
Elizabeth Smart's situation is different. She came from a very supportive and loving family, so she had the emotional resources to deal with her experience. Not everyone has those resources. Still, healing is possible even in cases of chronic abuse by multiple family members, I've seen it.
There's many guys that haven't been sexually abused so I see no reason for me to choose a guy that was sexually abused.
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