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Hello everyone. I've never joined a forum before & this was the first listing in google so I figured i'd give it a whirl.
I was recently put down by the only woman i've ever loved. Before her I was a lost soul, wandering from girl to girl with no substance. She & I started out as friends & then became best friends with benefits. We swore we wouldn't develop feelings but of course we failed.
I gave her everything I could. Provided her with someone to laugh & cry with. I gave her my heart. I honestly just wanted to love her & her children from a previous marriage. In fact, that's all I still want.
Despite her putting me down, she would still like to remain friends as would I, I just feel it wouldn't be honest because I know i'd continue to feel the love & care in my heart. A love & care beyond a typical friendship.
I honestly don't know what to do. She's my best friend & would typically be the one I turn to in my time of need, but obviously I can't this time. Has anyone had to deal with this? I just don't want to hurt anymore. Someone here please provide an understanding heart.
If you want to have any hope of keeping a friendship with her then you need some time apart, then you can try to go back to being freinds. How much time depends, but definitely don't keep seeing her as it will just tear up your heart.
There's no remedy for a broken heart except time and distraction. Making a clean break with her will help you faster than going back forth, trying to maintain a friendship. It may also make her realize what she's lost.
Try to get out of town on weekends, visit friends and family, take on a new challenge, try new things and places. Sleep, eat, and get plenty of exercise. You'll start feeling better little by little.
1) You're not a dog, and you're not dead. You did not get "put down." You got dumped. Which is another unfortunate term, but not so final-sounding.
2) Why did she dump you? You may have put too much responsibility for your happiness upon her shoulders, from the way your post sounds.
3) Take some time away from her and throw yourself into the other aspects of your life (as ellie suggests). Your post gives off a vibe like you may not have maintained a life outside your relationship, and you need to fix that ASAP if that's true - and it IS fixable. So work on your happiness outside of the relationship - even if there's a chance you could get back with her, she's going to be much less inclined to go out with someone who's hanging around looking hangdog than someone who looks like they're enjoying life. It's the difference between being responsible for someone else's happiness and being with someone who adds to your happiness.
Good luck. The first phase of this sucks, but it does get better.
You definately want some time away from her. I know your in pain now, and the thought of that is painful too. However, some distance from her to recover from the pain and rediscover yourself is needed.
A friendship after a breakup is not always possible either. If you will continue to have greater feelings, you will never be satisfied with a friendship. It may also hinder your ability to eventually move on. You will know this better after some initial time apart.
I know it is not the time to move on yet, but when you are ready I am sure you will find someone else who will be your best friend and more! My first love ended our relationship by suddenly never talking to me again. I was heartbroken and suffered a long time. I let it drag me down socially for years, missing her, comparing anyone I met to her. I did not let myself get past it for far too long. When I finally did, I was able to look back and learn about myself from it. What I did right and wrong, what I liked and what would have been an issue for me if I looked at it critically. It allowed me to eventually find someone who is a much better match for me (who I am now happily married to).
I honestly don't know what to do. She's my best friend & would typically be the one I turn to in my time of need, but obviously I can't this time. Has anyone had to deal with this? I just don't want to hurt anymore. Someone here please provide an understanding heart.
Thank you.
Dont walk RUN AWAY you can't be just friends with her after what the two of you had. You can't go back. Take it from someone who has been there. Remember it for what is was & move on.
Perhaps your judgment was clouded by your attraction for her. Maybe she wasn't the friend you thought she was, or maybe you didn't pay attention to the subtle or not-so-subtle signs that she wasn't feeling the same way for you.
Do you have any friends? Spend time with them, and remove all traces of her existence from your life right now. No photos, letters, emails, etc. Stash all of that somewhere and move on. Keep yourself busy, occupy your time and your mind with something else. Sitting around thinking is only giving your mind a playground, and it's going to play in a bad way.
Sorry friend, but a lot of times FWB isn't a great idea. I think almost always one person ends up wanting more and once you've been intimate with someone and started to develop those feelings it's really hard to go back to being friends. Cut off contact with her. No hanging out, no phone calls, nothing. You cannot get fully over someone while you still see and speak to them. Maybe once you get over her and move on then you can be friends, but right now it isn't a good idea. I was in this situation before...six months with little to no contact and we can be around each other again and are sort of friends. It just takes time.
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