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divorce? I am married to a very good man, but we do not have much of a relationship. He has difficulty sharing feelings and our talks are always about mundane things. We haven't had sex in 10 years.
He is loyal, genersous, honest, responsible, is there when I need him, but I have no romantic feelings left for him.
If we divorce, my finances will take a hit, but I could probably get by. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go out on my own, but I'm afraid not to. At this point in life starting over , finding another relationship seems so iffy. I don't have a huge circle of friends, rather a small network.
Has anyone ever done this before?
Lemme see here. He's loyal, genersous, honest, responsible, is there when you need him. Sounds like divorce time to me.
Have you really talked to him about it? Have you suggested counseling? Could he have a medical problem? I could ask other questions but if you simply want "out" then why don't you just say so and leave? It would be doing someone who sounds like a pretty good man a kindness.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Many have done before (to regret / and NOT).
There are a lot of ways to redeem your current marriage, and it just could be (very likely) that you would BOTH benefit far more than you EACH realize. Personally I would spend some serious time and money to enable that to happen, rather than go fishing (and sink your current boat).
You can even agree to part company for many occasions and adventures, yet hold the marriage together and commit to grow it.
There can be a lot of un-desired / recognized fallout in a bailout.
Short of abuse and infidelity, it would be tough to cash in your chips. I will just bet this man could use a little something to get him engaged with you (and both of you to be HAPPY (ier)). Considering all the WORK / angst, I would have a TOUGH time putting #2 through ALL that
divorce? I am married to a very good man, but we do not have much of a relationship. He has difficulty sharing feelings and our talks are always about mundane things. We haven't had sex in 10 years.
He is loyal, genersous, honest, responsible, is there when I need him, but I have no romantic feelings left for him.
If we divorce, my finances will take a hit, but I could probably get by. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go out on my own, but I'm afraid not to. At this point in life starting over , finding another relationship seems so iffy. I don't have a huge circle of friends, rather a small network.
Has anyone ever done this before?
Why do you need another relationship--you have been existing without one for years or perhaps just a shell of a relationship. Why do you really need a man. That is the question you should first asked. Many woman, either who are married, never married, divorced, separated, windowed have come to the realization that they have no more need, or ever had a need for a man in their lives.
You should not feel cheated or defective because you do not have or need a man. I have met many woman of who are intelligent, well versed, independent that I find extremely attractive because of those characteristics. There is no need for sexual attributes to be involved because I can see that these woman are fully whole and wonderful. Oh, I forget to mention I am a man.
So, get up, go the mirror and look at the person you are; you may realize that you are a complete and exciting entity of creation and need not a man in your life. So, bite of the apple, yourself, and know that you need not offer it to a man; find another Eden where you can enable and manifest your better self.
Sounds like you never got over that 20's myth of finding the "perfect" man. At 59 you should know by now he doesn't exist any more than does the perfect woman. So talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. You need him for his loyalty, generosity, honesty, responsiblity and goodness but what are you giving him in return?
If you do decide to leave him do you think you can find someone to fit all your needs? I don't. I think you will be trading one set of dissatisfactions for another. Maybe you should suggest a separation to see if he really will take a hit and to see if you really are missing something out there. I don't think you are.
My wife divorced me at 53 and she had a rough time of it and then approached me to get together again at 59.
I think evert person has their own journey. You might feel like you want to try out a different kind of life. Chances are that the itch to try out something different will not leave you until you do try it out. It's impossible to predict what will happen. But whatever you decide to do and whoever you are with, there will still be problems and challenges to work out and hopefully you will be able to work it out with your partner whoever it might be. There are no easy partnerships in life and there are no easy answers. It is doing the best you can day by day.
Sounds like you never got over that 20's myth of finding the "perfect" man. At 59 you should know by now he doesn't exist any more than does the perfect woman. So talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. You need him for his loyalty, generosity, honesty, responsiblity and goodness but what are you giving him in return?
If you do decide to leave him do you think you can find someone to fit all your needs? I don't. I think you will be trading one set of dissatisfactions for another. Maybe you should suggest a separation to see if he really will take a hit and to see if you really are missing something out there. I don't think you are.
Aye, there's the rub!!
If you don't have the courage to sit down and discuss your feelings with a person that's been in your life for many years then what's YOUR problem??
As a client once told me, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence but I have found that it still needs cutting over there, too." A divorce in the 50's is devastating. You didn't mention children or how long you've been married but it hurts to split. Try counseling first; you will not regret it even if you do take the step later.
divorce? I am married to a very good man, but we do not have much of a relationship. He has difficulty sharing feelings and our talks are always about mundane things. We haven't had sex in 10 years.
He is loyal, genersous, honest, responsible, is there when I need him, but I have no romantic feelings left for him.
If we divorce, my finances will take a hit, but I could probably get by. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go out on my own, but I'm afraid not to. At this point in life starting over , finding another relationship seems so iffy. I don't have a huge circle of friends, rather a small network.
Has anyone ever done this before?
Is the lack of sex by mutual agreement and/or mutual lack of interest? Did you ever have good sex? You don't have to feel romantic to have good sex - or even a good marriage. Why don't you give the sex another try? Start out slow and see what happens. You might be surprised.
Note that it is very hard for a woman your age to find a new guy (unless you're interested in guys over 75). Guys tend to like younger women (even my 93 year old father has an 80 year old girlfriend).
FWIW - the financial issues at any age can be quite significant. But they're especially important as you get older.
I think many guys are just different than women when it comes to expressing emotions. Like a lot of them don't. Whenever I have a question like this - I always consult Dave Barry (he's a prize winning humor writer) - and here are a few of his thoughts:
BTW - my husband and I always have scintillating conversations . Today we've talked about getting a new pest service - the guys who are coming to cut down some of our trees on Wednesday - what we should have for dinner - and the ratty lawns he will discuss this afternoon at his HOA covenant violation committee meeting. Our big joke for the day was Spain's bid for the 2016 Olympics.
I don't know if your marriage can be saved. But I sure as heck would give it a try. Robyn
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). Considering all the WORK / angst, I would have a TOUGH time putting #2 through ALL that
