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Hello all, first post, hope Im doing this correct. Anyway, I am really hoping that all could share there views on this one, guys as well as I dont understand my partner thoughts actions at all, he confuses me totally. Ok so I will try and make this really short, he is a bachelor late forties never married, me 40 never married, meet online been dating nearly 12 months contact every night via phone/text, see each other 3 nights per week. He has been saying he loves me, wants me forever, wants to marry me oneday, and so on and so on pretty much from the start, seems genuine and loyal. Problem is the relationship never progresses to the next level to more nights together or time together, always has to get back to his own place to do things etc although he says all those things about how much he cares and loves me an wants to be with me but no action. Ok to make this more confusing I am now pregnant only early, he always said it would not bother him if I fell pregnant so it happened and now he say's he does not know what we should do, he said he is too old, worried about me and he is said he is confussed about what he wants "although he states he wants me forever". One minute he appears interested in being a father, next he is cold about it, he has known now for a month and I have asked him what he wants and he cant decide and said he may never be able to decide. For me I feel I need direction and a comitted partner, I dont want to do this alone. Can anyone shed some light on where my partner is comining from because I really dont know how someone can say all those loving things and not move towards a more committed relationship especially when I am pregnant. Love to hear your thoughts Gals & Guys
He's a bachelor set in his ways. Change is scary to many people, but the IDEA of marriage and the whole shebang is appealing to many people. Then when push comes to shove, they fall back to the comfort of what they know. You can only control YOU: You need to decide what you want and how you will cope with not getting that.
If he doesn't step up, will you become a single parent? Will you opt for abortion or adoption? What can you expect from him in terms of support and co-parenting (whether you stay together or not)? Could you even build a life with someone that dithering? I mean, he's in his 40s and he seems fairly immature.
If you decide to keep the baby, he is no longer your priority. You will have a defenseless human being who will be your priority. And he's gonna have to decide if he's along for that ride or not. And being a parent doesn't leave any room for dithering.
IMO, he is telling you what he feels you want to hear, to manipulate you to stay in the relationship and keep the physical relationship going. He is playing on your emotions with the professions of love, the prospect of being together and married one day. Yet, he has no intention on making a commitment.
Of course, I could be wrong. However, now that you are pregnant and he is acting strange, I suspect it is because he suddenly is getting more than he wanted or bargained for.
Wow! My first response is why wasn`t there "protection" from bringing a baby into a half a$$ed relationship?
You have some decisions to make, with, or without him. I wish you luck!!
Someone this indecisive is not fit to be a partner or a father, imo. If you try talking to him, and nothing comes of it, then you have no choice but to take control of the situation yourself, as if you were alone (which you kind of are, the way he's hedging, and maybe starting to back away slowly), and do what's best for you. If you have a Planned Parenthood near you, they'll have people you can talk to for free, to help sort out your thoughts and discuss your options. At this point it's clear, though, that you're the one in charge, it's your baby, there is no other adult around taking an adult role, you're it. See PP ASAP, while you still have a full range of options. The clock is ticking. Best of luck.
Hi everyone, thanks for giving your thoughts it's so appreciated, keep the thoughts coming as I am listening to all that is being said. It is a really sad situation because he made me believe that he wanted a future with me which in some sense I feel that he is genuine about wanting to be with me but wont take any direction / proactive approach and or step up, i dont just get it and I feel that he is not intending to walk away, one minute he seems happy and talks about things like names etc and then when I ask him what he wants to do about the future he say's he cant decide! nothing changes, I just dont get it, how can someone be happy and talk about all the good things like baby names etc but mention the future and he cant decide, he says see what happens. This part is what is really bothering me. Any idea's how I bring this to a head and find out what this guy really wants with me, whether he is genuine or just talk and no action, with or without baby. I need to move forward with or without this guy but somehow I feel I have to find out what he is really about and what he means. Help please Gals and guys all thoughts welcomed x
Hi everyone, thanks for giving your thoughts it's so appreciated, keep the thoughts coming as I am listening to all that is being said. It is a really sad situation because he made me believe that he wanted a future with me which in some sense I feel that he is genuine about wanting to be with me but wont take any direction / proactive approach and or step up, i dont just get it and I feel that he is not intending to walk away, one minute he seems happy and talks about things like names etc and then when I ask him what he wants to do about the future he say's he cant decide! nothing changes, I just dont get it, how can someone be happy and talk about all the good things like baby names etc but mention the future and he cant decide, he says see what happens. This part is what is really bothering me. Any idea's how I bring this to a head and find out what this guy really wants with me, whether he is genuine or just talk and no action, with or without baby. I need to move forward with or without this guy but somehow I feel I have to find out what he is really about and what he means. Help please Gals and guys all thoughts welcomed x
He's in his late 40s. He should be old enough to step up. But he hasn't. So what he wants doesn't really signify anymore. What do you want and what can you handle? You can't count on him for anything, so he can't figure into your future calculations. If he DOES get his act together, then that would be great. But you can't factor it into your plans. It's just you and the fetus right now. Work from there.
i dont just get it and I feel that he is not intending to walk away, one minute he seems happy and talks about things like names etc and then when I ask him what he wants to do about the future he say's he cant decide! nothing changes, I just dont get it, how can someone be happy and talk about all the good things like baby names etc but mention the future and he cant decide, he says see what happens. This part is what is really bothering me. Any idea's how I bring this to a head and find out what this guy really wants with me, whether he is genuine or just talk and no action, with or without baby. I need to move forward with or without this guy but somehow I feel I have to find out what he is really about and what he means. Help please Gals and guys all thoughts welcomed x
I almost wonder if there's some sort of mental health issue, like his personality changes from moment to moment. Though this isn't your problem. Don't worry so much now about what he's about, leave him to figure it out and decide. You have a lot of decisions to make, and you need to take care of yourself. See a doctor or a Planned Parenthood counselor ASAP to discuss your options. The longer you wait, the fewer options you'll have. Do you have a support network in place? Now's the time to ask your friends to step up to the plate, if you have good friends nearby. Make an appointment today or tomorrow to talk to someone about the pros and cons of each of your options. That clock is still ticking.
Just a friendly suggestion: try to post in paragraphs, it's easier to read that way. Take care.
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Take care.
