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What do yall think is the best way to do this? I find it very hard to reject someone... I often find myself trying to come up with excuses, but that just ends with them trying harder and being more persistent. I think I dislike the sad look on their face when I have rejected some people out right, is there a good practical way to do this that doesn't make it so bad on the other person while still setting the boundaries clear?
edit: also part is I think about when I've been rejected and how it has made me feel. (embarassed/etc.) so part of it is empathy.
I think its sweet, that you don`t want to hurt someone by rejection.
I agree with everything that's been said about being firm and clear but not offensive. I know the feeling when people chose to ignore you instead of just telling you outright (especially if you've met in person before), and it flat out sucks. I'd prefer some "hey not interested" to some wishy washy "sure, let's get together again soon" and then just ignoring me, hoping I'll get a hint.
In my limited experience, I've felt really bad rejecting people too. But I have always played the "I'm pretty busy" card (if they bug me about getting together), and I never suggested future get togethers. But some people are really persistent. And in these few cases, these were people I had to see a lot because of my social circles, so I didn't want to make anyone feel bad or awkward. I think I could have been more direct and upfront in retrospect though.
Accepting rejection is hard, I think is just human nature to get hurt when someone rejects us... however... those who are mature, intelligent individuals will understand that it happens and will move on.
Those egocentric, a*******, who think they are god's gift and how dare I say no, will have a harder time of it.
So, all you can do is be honest, polite and very firm, a simple "thank you but I am not interested" has worked for me for the most part. Good luck hon...
Also, something that I have noticed guys and girls do a lot is give little "white" lies when they aren't interested in a person. They'll say that they're too busy to date, already have a partner, or they'll keep making excuses to miss dates. The problem with this approach is that while on the surface it seems like you are sparing them from hurt feelings, you're actually making it worse by making them hang on to a possibility that doesn't exist. When you turn someone down, you need to shut that door completely. You'll be doing them a favor by doing so.
people that come on too strong too fast obviously dont know me so they are pursuing something in their head not what is standing in front of them.
they have needs and want them met, u just happen to be standing near, that is all.
dont take it personal, if you dont want what is being sold let them know. the issue with women is harder than with men. women often say no but dont mean it. they mean not now later.
the push pull nightmare.
people that come on too strong too fast obviously dont know me so they are pursuing something in their head not what is standing in front of them.
they have needs and want them met, u just happen to be standing near, that is all.
dont take it personal, if you dont want what is being sold let them know. the issue with women is harder than with men. women often say no but dont mean it. they mean not now later.
the push pull nightmare.
I think generally if a woman says "no" she means "no." But if she says "later" sometimes she really means "no." Socially speaking, women are conditioned to be agreeable and compliant - ya know, "feminine." So if a woman steps up and says "no" she really isn't interested. If she says "now's not a good time" or something to that effect she either means exactly that or not a chance in hell.
I think honesty is the best policy. Some people just don't get it when you try to be polite...and a few don't get it when you tell them flat out that you're not interested. You aren't responsible for anyone's feelings but your own. If someone is hurt because you aren't interested...that's not something YOU have to deal with.
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