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You think the young driver I wrote about isn't sorry for what she did?
How can anyone cause such a horrific accident and not feel terrible about what they did - unless they are a sociopath? (which neither side in this case has claimed to be the issue).
Again, the point of this thread is, how do you deal with knowing you've done someone great harm when you can't fix it or make it better?
I have been in the latter situation. When you have compassion, it hurts, it really does. Even if the pain that you caused was not intentional. I look the person dead in the eye and sincerely apologize. When there is nothing I can do , I pray to God that he may mend their heart from the pain I have caused. Even with a couple of ex's whose heart I have broken, I pray that God heal their hearts and lead a better woman to them.
And then I move on in my mind too because I know that I have done all that I could.
I have been in the latter situation. When you have compassion, it hurts, it really does. Even if the pain that you caused was not intentional. I look the person dead in the eye and sincerely apologize. When there is nothing I can do , I pray to God that he may mend their heart from the pain I have caused. Even with a couple of ex's whose heart I have broken, I pray that God heal their hearts and lead a better woman to them.
You are so right my friend!
I should have said that earlier - ask God to mend the heart of the one you have injured, or to at least comfort them in their grief
You were so young to have such a horrible thing happen in your life!
This kind of thing would be hard enough for an adult to process.
Didn't any of your adult relatives take some of the blame for not supervising the 8 year old better?
we where all country kids so it was natural for us to all go off and play mostly unsupervised....but yes, his parents AND his brothers all blamed themselves in different ways for it.
the thing about it was i knew it was an accident, i knew it wasn't my fault but it still took me that long to come to terms with it. i still have no idea why either, ive thought about why over the years and really have no answers. i just wasn't ready or able to process what i was feeling and had so much else going on in my life that i never got a chance to properly deal with it is the best i can come up with.
the great news is he survived and grew up to be one of the best kids i know, hard working and thoughtful with a great outlook on what he wants from life.
we where all country kids so it was natural for us to all go off and play mostly unsupervised....but yes, his parents AND his brothers all blamed themselves in different ways for it.
the thing about it was i knew it was an accident, i knew it wasn't my fault but it still took me that long to come to terms with it. i still have no idea why either, ive thought about why over the years and really have no answers. i just wasn't ready or able to process what i was feeling and had so much else going on in my life that i never got a chance to properly deal with it is the best i can come up with.
the great news is he survived and grew up to be one of the best kids i know, hard working and thoughtful with a great outlook on what he wants from life.
I am so awed by your willingness to share your story - thank you.
It is great news that your little cousin survived and went on to be such an amazing guy after all he went through!
I wish you nothing but peace and contentment moving forward, you've had a lifetime of heartbreak already and I'm glad you are healing from it.
There was a movie on the Hallmark Channel a couple weeks ago about this very thing. A family hired a neighborhood teen to babysit their three kids. She went to take care of the two boys fighting over the TV and while she was occupied, the baby bounced her high chair against the basement door, fell down the stairs and died. It was totally an accident.
When I was of babysitting age, I didn't do it much and NEVER for really young kids. I was too afraid of something just like this. I try very hard NOT to do anything I can't fix.
OMG I probably seriously couldn't go on in my own life if I ever was put in that situation. I'd never be able to sleep, eat or think about anything else. What would be the point in living???
OMG I probably seriously couldn't go on in my own life if I ever was put in that situation. I'd never be able to sleep, eat or think about anything else. What would be the point in living???
Really?
I mean you would need all sorts of counselling, but I can never imagine being THAT sorry for something, as I would never do something that horrid on purpose.
Accidents do happen, bad chit happens to good people, good people do stupid things etc. If you live your life every day in such a way as to MINIMISE harm to others (as I do) then that sort of melodramatic reaction to an accident/unforseen consequence would only make things worse.
Even if you did do something totally dumb/selfish/careless that caused others to be hurt, it makes no sense to add yourself to the injury list.
You will be causing further pain and further grief, this time for the people who love YOU.
There are plenty of more positive ways of dealing with guilt.
I'll share a personal anecdote - not long ago I was in a lot of pain/guilt and went to a psychologist. The first and last session was pretty much summarised one sentence he said to me which was
"If people learned to forgive only one person, I wouldn't have a job".
I can't even imagine. It must be like living in your own personal hell everyday knowing you were the cause of something so awful and even worse because it was an accident.
I would want the person to just keep their distance away from me if they ruined my life like that. I rather be dead than have to live the rest of it out handicapped.
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