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People change. Life changes. His habits with his ex vs you are probably reflective of a number of different circumstances. You'll drive yourself insane comparing yourself, trust me. You should let it go.
Would you feel less in love if you found out your partner gave so much more to his ex?
Time, presence, love...
Let's say you read his inbox, facebook account, talked to his friends, and other means he didn't intend for you to know.
And all the time you thought he was crazy about you, you realize now that his love for you seems lukewarm compared to how he treated her before.
Would your own feelings change? Would you love and care about him less?
If there was some finite way to quantify those things - time, presence, love - then maybe I would feel just slightly less appreciated by my partner, I don't think I would feel less in love. But I don't think there's a way to quantify those things, especially not through facebook or his friends.
Do not project your insecurities onto the relationship. There could be a thousand different reasons why he gave more to his ex - or there could be 0, because it's not true, or it's not intentional by him.
You also can't compare relationships. NOTHING I repeat, NOTHING is the same. Maybe he spent more time with her because he was a loser and had all the free time in the world. Now he's a man with a job and balances his time wisely. Would you hold him accountable for that? I hope not.
It would be an ugly shock, yes. I don't know how I would take it. I believe that if you go go looking for trouble, trouble is what you find. I snooped a few times and was always sorry. Going to the extremes you mention ... I would have stopped far before getting to that point.
Would you feel less in love if you found out your partner gave so much more to his ex?
Time, presence, love...
Let's say you read his inbox, facebook account, talked to his friends, and other means he didn't intend for you to know.
And all the time you thought he was crazy about you, you realize now that his love for you seems lukewarm compared to how he treated her before.
Would your own feelings change? Would you love and care about him less?
Two different issues here. First the main topic. If I knew that the person I was with gave more of his heart to someone else previously, and was not doing so with me, I would question their profession of love. Love is not words, it is actions. To see someone's heart is to observe their actions, not listen to them.
That said, if someone is an ex, and they have chosen to be with you instead, there are reasons for it. Could be many different reasons, many positives. My wife had a prior marriage. I know a LOT about it. I know she has now chosen me, and loves me fully and completely with all her heart as evidence by her actions. So whether she said, wrote, or did something special with her ex at some point in history is irrelevant. It is nothing to be jealous of, worried about, it cause me to think anything less of her over.
Second issue... why are you snooping around your SO's facebook, email, etc? Sounds like there are issues in this relationship besides this person's history. This is not good, and could seriously damage trust levels and the relationship if he found out.
Social media is not the real world- It is easy to say all sorts of things while you are clicking at the keys...It's fantasy land..this digital world when it comes to love. My son's new wife when he first met her used to go crazy with jealously snooping through his Facebook account...she was obsessed. I had to take her aside and explain- On line connections are not sexual intercourse..they are trivial...I would not worry about what your lover says to his x on Facebook...if he really loved her or she loved him- They would be together- Old habits die hard.
I did not intentionally snoop. He left his account open when I needed to use the computer. I tried for about an hour to just log it off... then the cat got the better of me.
In fairness, I am happy to know that there had been no one else since he started dating me. But I realized that his messages to his ex seemed far more in love than his messages to me.
I know he was at a point that he had just moved on from a really bad relationship when he met her. They both were. But he seemed to be all-out with his feelings then... Whereas with me, he is always guarded.
I admit I had loved more (my ex) before, but when I met him... I was so giddy and in love like a teenager and I tried to show him how much. I think now that I loved him more than he did me at the start of our relationship.
When I hear those songs and remember those places from our first month, my heart still skips a beat. And I saw that he was that way with his ex. He was me now with her before.
It just made me sad. I don't know if I can still look at him with the same love as before, knowing I cannot see the same love he had for her when he looks at me.
I did not intentionally snoop. He left his account open when I needed to use the computer. I tried for about an hour to just log it off... then the cat got the better of me.
With all due respect, this is a poor excuse. He did not invite you into his past, and you should not have taken it upon yourself to go there. I never heard of it taking an hour to log off of facebook anyway, and if you could not get out of it on his machine, walk away and do something else.
It is possible you are reading into the situation what you want to see. Are there other problems, suspicions, or issues in the relationship? Are you insecure with his past relationships or yourself that you cannot accept he loves you, and are looking for reasons to justify your disbelief of his love for you?
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