Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I see an endless stream of comments resulting in my thoughts becomming something like: How can they know that? I've known people like they're talking about, who aren't like that at all. If someone has a common personality, thought process, or life situation, why would they post about it anyway? Therefore, most problems probably posted about are likely the unusual ones which most people's experiences are not applicable for...and if something sounds unlikely, it could very well be true nonetheless.
I remember a thread where a guy was nervous about being around a homosexual friend, supposedly because he hit a homosexual man who made a move on him in the supermarket. People didn't believe his motives. I remember thinking: If you're not going to believe part of what an OP writes, why believe any of it? Why not just not comment at all?
There was another thread in which a woman was wondering how to get male friends. Posters were worrying about whether or not her urge for male friends was natural. Who cares and why, particularly because she never asked whether or not what she wanted was natural?
There seems to be lots of these types of examples of people making comments, not asked for, probably coming from people who, while they might be wise, probably don't know the person they're commenting on the personality of better than that person knows his or herself.
I'd view this as potentialy extremely insulting, if the views stated and not asked for are negative, or if there's disbelief about what the OP says.
There are, of course the crazies who somebody should say something about...but a lot of posters aren't crazy.
Sometimes people invalidate other people because they self-project.
People do this IRL, too. They assume to be the expert of the other person's lives without allowing the person the space to really delve deeply. So they short-handedly tell them in black and white that they know what the problem is and what the answer is, when they only know a fraction of the person's life and their experiences.
Sometimes, people forget the gray areas and assume the worst in others when they haven't even given them a chance to understand them.
If you wish to post a serious question about yourself and have it seriously answered, you will get it.
If you choose to leave out salient details, that of course affects the quality, relevance and accuracy of the advice.
If you are the sort of person who wishes to post your innermost thoughts/experiences on an anonymous forum, you must also be fairly thick skinned and already prepared to ignore 50% of the responses before you even begin.
If you are too fragile, don't post...and don't be insulted at irrelevant advice, be grateful someone, anyone, has bothered to respond to your teeny tiny little issue when we've all got our problems.
If you wish to post a serious question about yourself and have it seriously answered, you will get it.
If you choose to leave out salient details, that of course affects the quality, relevance and accuracy of the advice.
If you are the sort of person who wishes to post your innermost thoughts/experiences on an anonymous forum, you must also be fairly thick skinned and already prepared to ignore 50% of the responses before you even begin.
If you are too fragile, don't post...and don't be insulted at irrelevant advice, be grateful someone, anyone, has bothered to respond to your teeny tiny little issue when we've all got our problems.
Just sayn.
I seem to remember you getting a little ticked off when I explained why you were wrong after you referred to me as a fool on a thread I made on the non-relationships thread
That's fine if you're blunt, but expect people to be blunt in return. I try to be equally as blunt towards others as they are to me. I try to be honest too.
Also, if you call someone a fool, you should expect them to get irritated, so you better be right, or you're going to waste a lot of energy on both sides.
I seem to remember you getting a little ticked off when I explained why you were wrong after you referred to me as a fool on a thread I made on the non-relationships thread
That's fine if you're blunt, but expect people to be blunt in return. I try to be equally as blunt towards others as they are to me. I try to be honest too.
Also, if you call someone a fool, you should expect them to get irritated, so you better be right, or you're going to waste a lot of energy on both sides.
Wow you remember me?
I have no recollection of you whatsover.
And I don't know what the rest of your post actually means, it's getting late here and I can't be bothered deciphering it into Normal.
If you wish to post a serious question about yourself and have it seriously answered, you will get it.
If you choose to leave out salient details, that of course affects the quality, relevance and accuracy of the advice.
If you are the sort of person who wishes to post your innermost thoughts/experiences on an anonymous forum, you must also be fairly thick skinned and already prepared to ignore 50% of the responses before you even begin.
If you are too fragile, don't post...and don't be insulted at irrelevant advice, be grateful someone, anyone, has bothered to respond to your teeny tiny little issue when we've all got our problems.
Just sayn.
You helped me with an issue I had trying to decide if I wanted to renew a 30 yr. friendship with a total narcissist. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good I love your blunt, edgy responses. Makes me laugh but you are a tad rough sometimes.
Hardly anyone ever posts on a Forum like this to learn about others, unless it's questions like "Does he/she like me!?" The whole format is narcissistic in the extreme. People come here to posts about their problems, their lives, their reality. But that's the way all Interet forums are. Look at the unbelievable self-absorption of Twitter or FB.
Once in a blue moon someone will post here a question about a friend in distress, but I always assume they are really asking about themselves.
I've often seen people on here verbalize things that I was thinking, but didn't have words for.
Receptive benefit of reading: getting the sense of "oh, hey, me too", finding articulation of an idea for which you couldn't quite find the words.
Expressive benefit of writing: if you later find out your comment was helpful (kind, informative, etc.) to another person in some manner.
Either action can be more social or more selfish, in theory there's give-and-take on a forum.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kat949
Sometimes people invalidate other people because they self-project.
People do this IRL, too. They assume to be the expert of the other person's lives without allowing the person the space to really delve deeply. So they short-handedly tell them in black and white that they know what the problem is and what the answer is, when they only know a fraction of the person's life and their experiences.
Sometimes, people forget the gray areas and assume the worst in others when they haven't even given them a chance to understand them.
There are upsides & downsides to having a bunch of people who don't know each other communicating...
One can say that we're being self-absorbed by writing from our own points of view, but we're reading through the points of view of many other people, too. We learn about ourselves and about other people from these simulated interactions, yet it's also another arena in which to commit errors, make incorrect inferences, misread each other.
We're all trapped in our respective limited mindsets because we're finite mortals (with our particular natures & nurturing), not omniscient entities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TJenkins602
This is just human nature. Like another poster said, some people just project.
And it's human nature to have limited time & space with which to reply to each individual.
Not to mention, with the additional distance & hindrance of being faceless multitudes online, based solely on lines of text, we have a lot less info. with which to address one another's issues.
We lack history, shared memories, context, background, and a wealth of related data-which we might have more of, were we "in-person" friends/acquaintances.
However, there's something to be said (on occasion) for seeking perspective of a "disinterested third party"...such as the idiosyncratic-and quite disparate-responses of those who post here.
Some responses are more useful than others, it's a subjective judgment call as to which those are.
You helped me with an issue I had trying to decide if I wanted to renew a 30 yr. friendship with a total narcissist. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good I love your blunt, edgy responses. Makes me laugh but you are a tad rough sometimes.
I like her bluntness, I just think she's only right about 51% of the time. She doesn't take into account that many, many people are unusual and that stereotypcal probabilities don't apply to them. I've explained to her why I ignore her wisdom in the hopes that she might remedy that and more effectively contribute to our discussion, and she became irritated. Glad you were in the 51%.
And I don't know what the rest of your post actually means, it's getting late here and I can't be bothered deciphering it into Normal.
Everything you type seems to be based off stereotypes, that everyone already knows, and therefore it has no value. You're welcome
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
You helped me with an issue I had trying to decide if I wanted to renew a 30 yr. friendship with a total narcissist. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good
I love your blunt, edgy responses. Makes me laugh but you are a tad rough sometimes.
