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I went through a time where I was needing to always be in a relationship or have friends. When my friendships broke, I jumped from relationship to relationship and all I have to show is nothing. Nowadays whenever I go out I go out by myself. And I rarely talk with people. I feel kinda of disjointed with people. All I can say is that I want something but now I don't bother. I keep telling myself that maybe this person will be different but odds are they will do the same that the person has done to you before. So why bother? All I can tell you-young people-is to not bother. Life is much happier being by yourself. There is no need for constant approval or fear of fighting or fear of failing them. Don't ever try, seriously. It's better to be alone.
If your world view is different from most people you encounter, you'll find yourself feeling bleak.
When you build your world around your passions, you'll naturally gravitate and attract people who share similar outlooks/attitudes.
When you encounter people who "get it" you'll soon realize those who sap your energy (do things you don't like to do- bar hopping, the usual club scene cus you're over that phase or never really into it- yada yada) are just not worth investing on sucky relationships with that don't quite resonate.
So in a sense, I agree with you! You gotta keep yourself inspired! Life's too short. You gottabe proactive in defining what you want. You'll eventually meet like minded folks. Refreshing and Real. Well worth the wait!
On one hand you talk like you want a relationship, but you're afraid of being hurt again, and on the other hand you say it's not worth it, forget about dating. Maybe you need some time alone, not even looking for a woman, and just give yourself some time. Or maybe you need to be looking for a different type woman than you normally look for, possibly older.
Congratulations on giving all those losers complete control over your life. Way to go.
INDEED!! When you fail or cease to expand your personal life, you really do end up alone and disjointed. Happy people want to be around happy people, and sad people want to be around sad people. It's the same reason why wealtheir people live in nicer neighborhoods. It's the common understanding that we likely chase the same goals in life.
You sound just like I used to probably 9 months ago. I was lazy, gaining weight, and just eating and sleeping all the time. I took me adding mountain biking to my lifestyle for everything to change. For the last 6 months, my life has been the best it's been in probably 10 years. Career is booming, have a significant other, and have a decent amount of money in the bank.
You get out of life what you put in it. You sound like you are in a boring rut, and believe it or not, you are putting off vibes that you are unapproachable and rude. If you want to meet people and make new and better friendships; you are going to have to open yourself up to those experiences. The more you shelter yourself the more that you will be your only friend.
Take this from someone who has been exactly where you are, not all that long ago. I still had a social life and friends during that time, but I felt I was personally in a little rut of my own. If I was you, I would start reading up on entitlement, because you could have a bit of that going on. It's fine to have goals and maybe even feel better than some people if you never voice it to anyone. Everyone has their own drive to get a task done; however, if that entitlement is keeping you from getting ahead in life, you need to head back to the drawing board.
I clicked on this because I, through my own life, definitely see the merit in BEING ABLE to be alone, and definitely know of people and situations (was in one, myself), where people lied to themselves and their unsuspecting partners about being in love, when the truth was that they simply could not handle being alone, and used the other person as a bookmark, basically, to avoid a situation where they might be on their own.
Being able to be happy on one's own isn't a bad thing. If you can't be happy with yourself unless you have others around you to validate yourself, that's a problem. Some people spend their entire lives with their own sense of worth inextricably tied to their perceived value to other people. Value yourself. If you assign your own worth to whether or not you are with someone in a relationship, have a million friends flocking around you, etc., you are giving other people too much power over your happiness. And, typically, if you value yourself, you'll notice that others do, as well. If you don't value yourself, good luck in life.
But what this thread is talking about isn't that. It's about purposely cutting one's self off from others as a mode of self-protection...which also isn't a recipe for the good life. The vast majority of people are social creatures on some continuum, who benefit from the support and companionship of others.
Be okay with being on your own. There is nothing wrong with really enjoying your own company, and valuing your time alone, especially if you use it well, healthily, and in a positive way, vs. just wallowing. But don't cut others out, assuming that they'll only hurt you. Make time to let others in, as well. Keep your expectations of them lower, until you know if they're going to be important people in your life...don't count on them, necessarily, to never disppoint you, because people disappoint people all the time. It's usually not personal, though, it's usually just thoughtless. Life's a balancing act...you need to be okay with both being on your own,and healthily being with others.
On one hand you talk like you want a relationship, but you're afraid of being hurt again, and on the other hand you say it's not worth it, forget about dating. Maybe you need some time alone, not even looking for a woman, and just give yourself some time. Or maybe you need to be looking for a different type woman than you normally look for, possibly older.
I've been there myself. I personally have mixed feelings about relationships...
INDEED!! When you fail or cease to expand your personal life, you really do end up alone and disjointed. Happy people want to be around happy people, and sad people want to be around sad people. It's the same reason why wealtheir people live in nicer neighborhoods. It's the common understanding that we likely chase the same goals in life.
You sound just like I used to probably 9 months ago. I was lazy, gaining weight, and just eating and sleeping all the time. I took me adding mountain biking to my lifestyle for everything to change. For the last 6 months, my life has been the best it's been in probably 10 years. Career is booming, have a significant other, and have a decent amount of money in the bank.
You get out of life what you put in it. You sound like you are in a boring rut, and believe it or not, you are putting off vibes that you are unapproachable and rude. If you want to meet people and make new and better friendships; you are going to have to open yourself up to those experiences. The more you shelter yourself the more that you will be your only friend.
Take this from someone who has been exactly where you are, not all that long ago. I still had a social life and friends during that time, but I felt I was personally in a little rut of my own. If I was you, I would start reading up on entitlement, because you could have a bit of that going on. It's fine to have goals and maybe even feel better than some people if you never voice it to anyone. Everyone has their own drive to get a task done; however, if that entitlement is keeping you from getting ahead in life, you need to head back to the drawing board.
I really like your post. I used to be at that place. I had low energy and I didn't know what was going on. However, with a slight change to my diet... well at least I have more energy...
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