Whats her Deal ? is she interested or not (boyfriend, long distance, women)
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I met this woman at a seminar, at first we didn't really speak much but we shared some glances, this lead to that and we talked and eventually went out for an ice cream during a lunch break. That was the start of one of the best things .....we kissed, talked deeply and generally really enjoyed each other. She was in a difficult relationship and said she was breaking up with him after 6 years. I made no real moves because she
is in a realitonship at this point, but i didn't stop her from kissing me.
We talked and texted and skyped constantly, and she had said she was broken up. She came to spend a weekend and it was wonderful, got intimate and both had a great time. She came back a couple months later and spent an entire 8 days with me, again wonderful, deep and passionate experience. During that week she told me one night laying in bed "I Love You".
This is a long distance relationship and a few weeks later she says she needs space, which I agree to and tell her I want her to have the time she needs. But the communication (Initiated by her) never stops, constant texting, talking on the phone and skype. We have shared very deeply each others thoughts and wishes. Again she says she needs space and wrote me a mile long letter, she's testing the waters with her ex again. So because I now love this woman I painfully agree to give her whatever space she needs although she is fully aware i don't like it and it hurts, which she says she feels terrible about. But then the contact never ends...same thing constant texting and talking. So this time I tell her I've had enough, I want to call it quits. She is obviously upset about that but agrees and says I am the mentally healthiest person she's ever known.
So.....3 days go by and texting and phone calls start all over again, and I am somewhat powerless to be mean to her or ignore her. It's just not me to ignore someone, especially someone I care very deeply for, dare i say Love. I do Love her but now she won't say it to me, she's taken it back but the contact and communication never ends. She writes me the most wonderful things but dances around saying the big three words. Usually I get "I adore you" but every now and again she lets the Love word slip.
SO there we are....very confusing for me, and because of how I feel about her I am trying to be calm and patient and supportive of her.
Now she wants to come see me for a whole week again.....and is making airline reservations for about 10 days from now. I am hesitant to press her for real answers on the phone because i think its too easy for her to dodge giving me real answers. So I've taken the line of letting her come see me and having some real talks where she can't escape by saying she's got to go (get off the phone). Her favorite thing to say is I am an confusing woman or I am at a very confusing time in my life. Yet she seems very unconfused that she can't stop talking and sharing with me. This last month we've talked about EVERYTHING a prospective couple might talk about .....life , Kids, Houses, death....the whole 9 yards.
What is ya'lls take on this, men and women.
I'd be glad to furnish more info, I tried to keep it short tho i could have written a small paperback novel
I'd be glad to furnish more info, I tried to keep it short tho i could have written a small paperback novel
My take is she is cheating on him with you and she has no intention of leaving him. I doubt she ever broke up with him in the first place and if she hasn't left him and formed a commited relationship with you yet, she won't. She's just playing you like a puppet.
Move on before you get sucked into anymore of her lies. The hurt will just be harder the longer you let it go on.
Sorry...I hate to be so blunt about it but that's exactly what it sounds like to me.
Personally I would tell her to quit contacting you because she needs her space and if she doesn't block her emails, texts and calls. She does not sound confusing to me at all, she has you long distance with a free place to stay for a few days when she needs to get away from her "ex" that probably is not really an "ex". She is blowing tons of bull hockey and you appear to be falling for every bit of it she blows. Drop her completely and move on to a woman who is "not a confusing woman" who knows exactly who she wants and what she wants out of her life.
Pay attention to what she does, not what she says.
Right now, she's using you for emotional support, while she's with her ex (it's also possible that, since you guys are long distance, that she never ended things with him to begin with). If I were you, I would cut her off. This is a sinking ship and ending it now will spare you more pain (not saying that this situation doesn't suck already, but it is what it is).
I can say this, I did meet him when he came to pick her up from the seminar, and saw how he acted. Like an overgrown child, threw temper tantrums....so i have some inkling that what she says about him is true.
That said Im picking up what ya'll are laying down. and maybe to my discredit am inclined to let her come here one more time to get her in a position that I can ask some hard questions she can't escape. Sound like a plan worth a try?
In my Brain and heart I really don't think she's just using me....Im not a naive (sp?) person we have talked and shared alot about each other, I also think im a good judge of character. This seminar (her boyfriend told her not to go to) was supposedly her way to break from him, she's starting a buisness and i know how stressful that is, been there done that. I just hate she can't make the right decision but im not a glutten for punishment either....I will pull the plug......
Whats the thought on letting her come see me for my stated purpose, and maybe a little nookie I am a guy after all LOL.....
I will say I think spending this time with her will be a big mistake...but everyone has to make their own mistakes to learn from them.
Keep your guard up if you do see her that week...that's my advice. You are going to ask her questions you might not want honest answers to. I think it's better to keep the ball in your court...actually, just pick the ball up and end the game.
I can say this, I did meet him when he came to pick her up from the seminar, and saw how he acted. Like an overgrown child, threw temper tantrums....so i have some inkling that what she says about him is true.
That said Im picking up what ya'll are laying down. and maybe to my discredit am inclined to let her come here one more time to get her in a position that I can ask some hard questions she can't escape. Sound like a plan worth a try?
In my Brain and heart I really don't think she's just using me....Im not a naive (sp?) person we have talked and shared alot about each other, I also think im a good judge of character. This seminar (her boyfriend told her not to go to) was supposedly her way to break from him, she's starting a buisness and i know how stressful that is, been there done that. I just hate she can't make the right decision but im not a glutten for punishment either....I will pull the plug......
Whats the thought on letting her come see me for my stated purpose, and maybe a little nookie I am a guy after all LOL.....
This is a BAD idea.
I dated a chick in a similar situation. My friends all told me the deal, but I didn't want to believe them. I went a little further with it, then very reluctantly, accepted their advice. Looking back now, I was insane for completely believing her obvious lies. She totally manipulated me and I couldn't see it because I was too blinded by what I thought she was.
Sounds like you're in the same situation, unfortunately.
I hear ya jack i really do....I've had that suspicion.
I guess also If its going to go bad, I want to have the chance to say whats on my mind (confront her) and see her face then tell her to hit the sticks......I guess im old school that way, all this modern text, cell phone and email crap is so impersonal and easy to manipulate with or bail out of.
you're her rebound/crutch/guy-in-reserve and clearly you don't want to be, just bail
good luck
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I am a guy after all LOL.....
