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And I'm actually conversating about the closest I've ever come to anything like that, over in a thread I started about polyamoury and such. He would not have considered it cheating, since it was a female friend and not another guy, but I would have. It's part of why I didn't.
Before he and I met, I'd spent 4-5 years (teenage years) running wild...tons of partners, all very casual. I got kind of burned out on casual flings. I found that I was surprisingly comfortable with monogamy, once it happened, and I'm willing to bet I could do alright with celibacy too if I chose. Physical attraction and bedroom matters aren't what gripes me about my guy. It's differences in our perspectives, attitudes, priorities, and levels of optimism etc.
One thing I've learned is not to expect change in him. I heard a saying recently that I liked:
"Men marry women, hoping they will never change...but they do. Women marry men, hoping they will change or intending to change them...but they don't."
If you read this Forum, you'll see that a lot of people in the dating scene are pathetic losers. I would think long and hard before leaving him.
OMG, I'd hate to think that C-D is representative of the real world! Bear in mind that all happily-married individuals were once in the dating scene. There are great single people out there. The trick is to find them.
OMG, I'd hate to think that C-D is representative of the real world! Bear in mind that all happily-married individuals were once in the dating scene. There are great single people out there. The trick is to find them.
Bear in mind that a big chunk of them met when they were young, like 25 or younger, and not 35.
^ Really? Do you have the stats on that? I would never marry a guy in his mid twenties, hell I'm a girl in my mid twenties and I'm definitely not ready.
Pena please ignore the fear mongering in this thread. Who will keep you warm at night when you get back??? WTH? The woman is only thirty years old, if she wants someone to keep her warm at night she will date someone new when she gets back. Some of you seriously need to live a little. No wonder so many people are in dead relationships--because they're too cowardly to be alone. I've been single for over four years, I got to run around as I please and have companions here and there if I was really desperate for that warm body next to me. I also got to travel and live abroad. And guess what? Those were the most amazing experiences of my life, memorable experiences I will never forget and wouldn't trade for anything. Plus this isn't only about travel and adventure. It's about the fact that she's growing out of her relationship. Travel or not she's in a better place to find a new partner than her fifty year old couch potato partner whose health is declining. She's young, healthy and has a lust and willingness to experience new things. It is those same qualities that will draw new like minded partners towards her.
Hi Laurenaus! Thanks for your response. I am trying to ignore all the fear mongering… to be honest I’m not quite sure why people do it? It seems so bitter.
That’s what I want from travelling – I don’t plan on going out and partying until 5am, but I want the memories you have, the experiences you’ve experienced. Those are the kind of things that make me truly happy
I have a huge lust to experience new things – I can’t wait to get out there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Social Democrat
Aside from any criticisms here, you need to laser focus on action, NOW. I usually refrain from trying to tell people what to do but this requires action. You are only 30 years old, way too young to limit yourself. If anyone is being selfish here, IMHO, it's your SO. He really needs to get off his fat arse and move it and pay more attention to you and the relationship, not saving up for some stupid house!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Social Democrat
I guess I better step off my soapbox now....
Stay up there as long as you’d like! hehe. Thanks for your opinion and I agree… I was just thinking this morning that even though we live together he never spends any time with me. The moment he gets home he sits on the computer buying and selling things on eBay for his hobby of collecting toy cars. When he is finally ready to get off the computer he lays down next to me and either wants to change the channel of whatever I’ve been watching for the past 4 hours or falls asleep. He’ll even go into our bedroom and watch something else if I want to continue watching what I’m watching. It kinda sucks.
Someone told me the other day that I am “addicted to how much he worships me” (sounds funny but believe it or not he does love me very much)… and I think they could be on to something. I don’t have much confidence and I am terrified I may never be loved again...
It sounds like you've just drifted apart and more or less become roommates. You still care for one another deeply but may not be "in love" anymore. It happens a lot, even to couples without such an age gap, for various reasons. Hell, it's the reason my last relationship ended and we were the same age. It hurt like hell to leave, I'm still sad about it sometimes and think maybe I made a mistake but a relationship is supposed to be a partnership - there's supposed to be love and affection. Not just merely co-existing. We didn't have any massive fights or blowouts, no one was wronged, no one was deeply hurt and my decision, like yours, was very painful but I'd rather move on knowing our time together ran its course and stay on good terms than force myself to stay and end up being bitter and resentful. We had no kids, no mortgage, weren't married. Maybe time will bring us back together, maybe it won't, but right now simply sharing a bed and living space with no passion or affection between us just wasn't the right choice.
Someone told me the other day that I am “addicted to how much he worships me” (sounds funny but believe it or not he does love me very much)… and I think they could be on to something. I don’t have much confidence and I am terrified I may never be loved again...
If he "worships" you so much and you sleep in the same bed, why nothing happened in over a year?
My take on it is you've grown apart. The age difference is part of it as you both desire different things. He's in the second half of his life and body parts don't work quite as well, especially since he isn't taking care of himself. You're in your prime years and want to enjoy them. You want him to be like he was, but that's not going to happen. Growing apart happens. What you need to realize is your situation will not change and you need to do something about it if you want to enjoy your prime years.
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