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Most of us have terrible things happen to us but some of us have experiences so terrible that we are destroyed by the event and never again can truly be happy with ourselves or in the company of anyone else.
I have dated women when I was single who were friendly happy wonderful people and then bam, a life changing event happened that changed them and their outlook on life. After these terrible things happened they were so impacted that our relationship could not continue because they lost their spark, and personality. I tried to support them but they were so impacted by a terrible occurrence that they just were not the same.
Yes. I was widowed almost 5 years ago, unexpectedly. Single most devastating moment of my life and it not only destroyed me, it changed me-in some ways for the better and in some ways not as good. I feel I used to be a much nicer person.
I've rebuilt a good life for myself. I've got an incredibly active social life and am surrounded by a lot of people who genuinely care about and love me. I'm always being invited out to do things and my (almost) monthly game nights are always a huge success-I've gotten a reputation of being an awesome hostess and friends are always asking when the next party is.
While not always easy, I try to find the positive in every situation and I'm the first to offer when someone needs help. I have a great sense of humor, which is a huge part of my life. I have a wide variety of interests and I've spent the last two years trying new things-some because they sounded fun, some because I've always wanted to do them. On paper, I have it all and I'm the first to admit despite it all, I have a great life and am really blessed.
I'm not unhappy, per se. I have no reason to be at this point. I still miss him, but not nearly with the raw intensity I had at the beginning. Now, it's more of a sadness for all the things he'll never get to experience than actual grief. But there his death left a huge void-and no matter how happy I seem or how happy I am in the moment, at the end of the day, I have this gnawing emptiness inside that nothing seems to fill.
I think you have to define a terrible life event. I consider it something like being raped or having a loved one murdered. My terrible life events were living with an abusive man and having my Father drop dead from a brain aneurysm. These have scarred me but not destroyed me. My husband's terrible life event was having his mother give him and his stater up to be Wards of the State when they were 14. This has scarred him too but not destroyed him irrevocably.
Some people are just tougher than others for whatever reason, they have an inner fortitude that buffers them somehow.
I think life events change you but to some extent it's up to you whether you allow them to consume the rest of your life.
Any bad thing that's happened, I've tried to find the positive and see it as a lesson.
I've had a fairly rough past 4 months where my life has basically gone through major upheaval but I'm ok, just trying to make the best of it and move forward.
Djuna is right, some people are tougher than others and I've had many friends tell me how proud they are of how I've just carried on and not completely crumbled. They don't think that given the same situation, they could be dealing with everything as well as I have.
I guess that's because I know that someday the lesson in all of this will be evident. It's just a little foggy right now.
Yes to your question...but it did not "happen" to me, I made an extremely poor decision.
But no to sharing...
Quote:
Originally Posted by snooper
Most of us have terrible things happen to us but some of us have experiences so terrible that we are destroyed by the event and never again can truly be happy with ourselves or in the company of anyone else.
I have dated women when I was single who were friendly happy wonderful people and then bam, a life changing event happened that changed them and their outlook on life. After these terrible things happened they were so impacted that our relationship could not continue because they lost their spark, and personality. I tried to support them but they were so impacted by a terrible occurrence that they just were not the same.
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Couldn't agree more.
