Lowering your standards (dating, women, single, attracted)
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I have noticed that when you suggest that a person lower his/her standards to find a mate, people dont take too kindly to that. I see it online all of the time, but here is a recent IRL example so that I don't seem like I am picking on someone here:
Male friend (very attractive, 50, broke): I don't know what it is, I just keep striking out with women. I used to be able to get all the girls in their 20s that I wanted, now I can't even do well in a room of women in their 30s.
Me: Sounds like you have aged out of your desires. It happens to everyone eventually, unless of course you are filthy rich. Time to lower your standards if you want someone.
Male friend: No way, I am not going to lower my standards!
It seems to me, if you have a certain idea of the type of person you must be with (your standards), but you strike out with them every single time, your standards are out of wack. But no one wants to hear it. Why is that? Is it pride? Ego? Is it difficult to admit that you aren't as awesome as you think you are, so instead you walk around thinking you deserve the very best?
Pretty ridiculous of him to think that at 50 he's still going to get girls in their 20's unless he's some kind of rich Hugh Hefner which apparently he isn't.
No, people don't take kindly to that suggestion. When people complain, mostly what they want is to just vent. You should take comfort in the fact that most people end up unconsciously settling anyway (because no one's perfect), but most won't consciously settle. You have to let them do it the way that it naturally occurs and is comfortable to them.
I was talking to my platonic female friend about this topic. She called me "greedy" because I am simply holding out for a woman I am attracted to.
Meanwhile she is holding out for a man who wants to move fast, put a big wedding ring on her finger, put a baby in her uterus ASAP, and buy a big house (in this area at least $1/2 million) for themselves. And that she would have the option of staying home with the kid(s) indefinately.
So who's standards are out of whack here?
PS- I think we both have pretty typical values for our genders.
Pretty ridiculous of him to think that at 50 he's still going to get girls in their 20's unless he's some kind of rich Hugh Hefner which apparently he isn't.
True.
And of course women are just as delusional. I don't want to name any obvious CD examples...
"Widen the net"
"Open up your dating pool"
"Re-prioritize"
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