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Men how do you feel about a woman insisting on going dutch when you're on a date? Would you insist on paying for the entire date, or would you allow her to pay her own way?
Men how do you feel about a woman insisting on going dutch when you're on a date? Would you insist on paying for the entire date, or would you allow her to pay her own way?
Depends.....if I asked her, I pay.....if she asks me......[who am I kiddin I still pay]
I'm olde school......guy pays......after the 4th or 5th date....then we can discuss it....
I'm a woman, but will be interested in seeing what the men have to say on this subject.... especially the older guys. I'm a very traditional woman and have no problem taking turns paying if I was dating someone. However, that first date just seems like the guy should pay. Why? I don't know.... but just the old fashioned thinking in me I suppose. It almost wouldn't seem like a date (first one) if the guy didn't insist on paying.
I'm a younger guy so my views on this may be different than a lot of people on here.
First date, I'd always pay. If she were to ask me out, then I think the proper thing to do would be for her to pay, but realistically, guys should not expect even that. Truthfully, I personally would feel weird if she were to pay for me on a first date, even if she were the one who asked me out. I would at least pony up my half. If she were insistent one way or the other (i.e. insistent on paying half when I wanted to treat her, or insisting on paying for everything since she asked me out) and it's clear that she's serious about it and any attempt at anything other than this would be an affront to her (you can generally tell), then I wouldn't really put up a fight.
After the initial first date, things get a bit trickier. Dating is expensive and I'm not exactly rolling in the dough, so I would be unlikely to continue seeing a woman if she were expecting me to always pay for everything. Generally though, as a guy, as unfair as it may be, I realize that just to get your foot in the door so to speak, you need to at least be prepared to pay for those first few dates. I don't have a specific timeframe or number in mind, but after a bit of dating, I expect things to be split or her to pay every once in awhile. Thus far, I've always dated women on the same wavelength with me where if we don't split the first date, pretty soon thereafter we do. Most women (or perhaps just most women that I'm attracted to?) have a general understanding of what is fair and makes sense and if she and I are both working and both a little tight on cash, it doesn't make much sense for one person to bear the burden.
Once settled into the comfortable confines of a relationship, in every relationship I've ever been in, we've split paying. Not in the sense of asking for two separate bills or of staring at the bill and divying up the exact amount each of us owes, but more in the sense that I'll pay once, then she pays the next time. Everything sort of evens out.
If I am asked out, he pays. If I ask, it is usually to a concert or something, so I puchased the tix, which always ran $80-$100 for the pair. In those cases, he usually picked up the drinks afterward, although I offered and was prepared to pay.
I started dating a man and there were times that I declined to go out with him because the sitter was more than I could afford ($10 hour). He couldn't understand why I was saying no when we had such a great time, so I finally told him. He then not only paid, but picked up the tab for the sitter. But he was making 8-10 times more than me. I would make arrangements for the kids to spend the night with friends and have him over and cook a great meal, nice wine...
I do judge a guy on the first date. If he asks me out- how is he about money. Is he a good tipper? Does he order the cheapest wine? I figure that the first date is best behavior, so if he is cheap then, he will be frugal with his time and emotions, as well. If I ask him, I also judge him- and there is no right way to be, sometimes a guy has been so smooth about paying. I admire that. Other times a guy has been fine with me paying. I admire that, too. It is only when he doesn't know how to handle it that he kinda loses something in my eyes. I guess it is the confidence shown in each situation that is a turn on to me.
A complete turnoff is if he slips me a twenty or something if I have asked him out. Don't know why. I guess it's because $20 is nothing. Either be gracious and enjoy being treated or pick up the tab. It just seems so faux to me, the twenty bucks in the palm...I'd even like it if he said, hey, let's shoot a game of pool, loser pays! But to pay $20 on a $100 evening...cheep, cheep!
I don't know if 35 is "younger" or "older", so anyway.....
The way I was raised I always have a guilty streak in these situations. Sure we said we were going dutch, but it would always run through my mind,
"Well of course we said that. That's what people say, but now if I stick to that will it imply that I didn't enjoy the date??? I can hear my Mom now that a gentleman pays. So then I should pay the whole tab I guess and only if she truly truly insists do I let her contribute..... And even then when she insists I'll tell her to just leave the tip or something..... Yeah, that's a plan...... GO!!!"
So I'd have a hard time letting a girl pay and then she would either have to be insistent, or I would just have to SO not care what she thinks of me which just isn't me.... EVERYONE MUST LOVE ME!!!!
I do judge a guy on the first date. If he asks me out- how is he about money. Is he a good tipper? Does he order the cheapest wine? I figure that the first date is best behavior, so if he is cheap then, he will be frugal with his time and emotions, as well. If I ask him, I also judge him- and there is no right way to be, sometimes a guy has been so smooth about paying. I admire that. Other times a guy has been fine with me paying. I admire that, too. It is only when he doesn't know how to handle it that he kinda loses something in my eyes. I guess it is the confidence shown in each situation that is a turn on to me.
A complete turnoff is if he slips me a twenty or something if I have asked him out. Don't know why. I guess it's because $20 is nothing. Either be gracious and enjoy being treated or pick up the tab. It just seems so faux to me, the twenty bucks in the palm...I'd even like it if he said, hey, let's shoot a game of pool, loser pays! But to pay $20 on a $100 evening...cheep, cheep!
If a guy stuck $ in my palm when it was time to pay, I'd think he was a creep of some sort! Like you say, either allow me to pay or take the check. That would weird me out!
Good thoughts about seeming like a cheapskate! Discussions about money don't have a place at a first date. Chances are that both parties have a clue as to the financial resources of the other. If they don't, there's plenty of time to talk about that if the relationship progresses. No one has to spend big bucks on a first date, but if they begin talking about every dollar they are spending.... that's not much fun to be around!
If a guy stuck $ in my palm when it was time to pay, I'd think he was a creep of some sort! Like you say, either allow me to pay or take the check. That would weird me out!
Good thoughts about seeming like a cheapskate! Discussions about money don't have a place at a first date. Chances are that both parties have a clue as to the financial resources of the other. If they don't, there's plenty of time to talk about that if the relationship progresses. No one has to spend big bucks on a first date, but if they begin talking about every dollar they are spending.... that's not much fun to be around!
Exactly... take me to an art show and buy me a smoothie on a first date...unless I ask and then I'll buy you one! The dollar amount doesn't have anything to do with it, it's the intent that counts.
If a guy stuck $ in my palm when it was time to pay, I'd think he was a creep of some sort! Like you say, either allow me to pay or take the check. That would weird me out!
...he could just be a little socially-naive and trying to do the right thing...my DH did stuff like that once in a while early on , just was a little inept at times, but ended up being a winner in every way...
Some guys take a while to "get it" the way we expect them to!!!
...Some guys take a while to "get it" the way we expect them to!!!
WELL......if you'd SAY something instead of sending SIGNALS cheeeeeesh
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, just was a little inept at times, but ended up being a winner in every way...
