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My wife and I had been tentatively planning to try and have a pregnancy beginning sometime around this spring. Now, we have discussed having a baby for more than a year, and both mutually picked and seemed happy with this timeframe. (We have a 3.5 yr old). It was chosen in part to grow our bond and relationship together as a married couple before introducing an infant into the dynamic, as well as allowing us to get our selves in a better fiscal position for it.
So over the past year plus, we have been making all kinds of decisions down this path. Housing choices, taking on or eliminating major debts (vehicles, and underwater rental property, etc), with the goal of having all these distractions and stresses well under control or taken care of. That all has been going to plan.
So as far as I have been concerned, things are going great! Yet, my wife is deeply angry, maybe resentful, and distant all of a sudden. (and I mean all of a sudden). Last night, out of nowhere, she informed me she was going to cancel a short road trip we intended to take in two weeks, that she feels I have lied to her about our pregnancy plans, that I have no intention of trying to have a baby with her, and that she fears I will leave her emotionally alone through it.
I do not understant it at all, as we have been progressing as planned without a problem. She says I am not excited enough for it, but for me, it would be like being excited for something I was planning tentatively in the future, but the reservations had not been made yet.
My take is that she is impatient and wants to get going on this, but that she also demands more emotional "excitement" for it?
My wife and I had been tentatively planning to try and have a pregnancy beginning sometime around this spring. Now, we have discussed having a baby for more than a year, and both mutually picked and seemed happy with this timeframe. (We have a 3.5 yr old). It was chosen in part to grow our bond and relationship together as a married couple before introducing an infant into the dynamic, as well as allowing us to get our selves in a better fiscal position for it.
So over the past year plus, we have been making all kinds of decisions down this path. Housing choices, taking on or eliminating major debts (vehicles, and underwater rental property, etc), with the goal of having all these distractions and stresses well under control or taken care of. That all has been going to plan.
So as far as I have been concerned, things are going great! Yet, my wife is deeply angry, maybe resentful, and distant all of a sudden. (and I mean all of a sudden). Last night, out of nowhere, she informed me she was going to cancel a short road trip we intended to take in two weeks, that she feels I have lied to her about our pregnancy plans, that I have no intention of trying to have a baby with her, and that she fears I will leave her emotionally alone through it.
I do not understant it at all, as we have been progressing as planned without a problem. She says I am not excited enough for it, but for me, it would be like being excited for something I was planning tentatively in the future, but the reservations had not been made yet.
My take is that she is impatient and wants to get going on this, but that she also demands more emotional "excitement" for it?
I am a bit lost...
fight with her and then have make up sex and make a baby, yep that will do it!
Sounds like a typical situation where the fact that men and women tend to process things differently is rearing it's ugly head.
You have planned your work and are now working your plan, setting aside the emotional part for the time when you're really gearing up for the baby. Which is typical.
She tends to get emotional every step of the way. Which is also typical.
As you check things off you think in terms of "Okay, that debt is paid off; what's next?"
As she checks them off she's going "Okay, that debt is paid off; One less thing to do before we have a baby! I can't believe we're going to have a baby! I can't wait!"
While her emotion probably doesn't bother you, your lack of emotion definitely bothers her.
Counseling helps for some. Or you could just practice saying "Yes, dear" over and over.
The problem is that you have a plan you think you've agreed upon, while your wife really hadn't agreed to it. She may have went along with it, but now wants it changed.
The problem is that you have a plan you think you've agreed upon, while your wife really hadn't agreed to it. She may have went along with it, but now wants it changed.
Not sure the facts in evidence bear that out. They were talking about this spring, and this spring is almost here.
The problem is that you have a plan you think you've agreed upon, while your wife really hadn't agreed to it. She may have went along with it, but now wants it changed.
That's what it sounds like to me as well, that she wasn't being honest about what she wanted the plans to be. Although, Spring is 2 months away...
And I tend to be a bit superstitious and wouldn't "get all excited" about a baby until baby was actually on the way, rather than a nifty idea.
You don't give ages here, but perhaps she has that "biological clock" thingy going on. Or maybe she doesn't want to have a bigger gap between the new baby and the sibling.
The problem seems to be communication. You all need to SIT DOWN and discuss this in painful detail. You might even consider a family counselor to help you find a way to communicate with each other that is more successful.
If in fact this change in behavior happened all of a sudden, I'd bet my money that there's something else going on here.
Unless you missed signs, or have done/said something to trigger this.
duster1979 I think is on the right track though. Does your wife tend to have these sorts of outbursts often? Are there any other external factors (stress at work) that might have caused her to lash out at you?
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