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Please excuse my English first as I am a Chinese international student. I am currently live in Toronto; unlike most of my Asian peers who strive to succeed in their academic fields and find respectable careers in the future, the primary reason for me come to Canada is getting a foreign girlfriend. I know this sounds extremely foolish and laughable; if you think I am trolling here, please accept my apology because I have no intention to cause any turmoil in this forum. Everything that I am writing here is exactly how I feel.
My grandfather was a lieutenant general of Chinese PLA, which stands to reason that my father succeeds in the Chinese real estate business (although he never had MBA or any formal commerce education background). My family is very traditional and conservative; despite the fact my grandfather studied at Soviet Union more than 7 years and was a strong Marxism supporter; he and my father dislike foreigners or Chinese ethnic minorities. They began talk about my marriage when I was still in high school ;my mom never cared, but she doesn't make much decision in the family. According to them, an ideal future wife for me would be a Northern Chinese girl, 3-5 years younger than me, well-educated and from prestigious family.
The above criteria seemed reasonable, as I understood a stable marriage depends on the similar socio-economic class and life-style of the couple. I know some people may disagree on that; but that is just my personal theory. The only problem is that I have never attracted to girls with my own ethnic background. Of course, as a financially privileged young heterosexual man, I had causal intercourse with few women in the past just to release my sexual need, but I never developed romantic/ emotional connections with them. The first time I fall into love with someone ( at age 16) who is a foreign girl; sadly, at that time I don't speak English and the relationship never went further. I am 23 now, and in the past years, I have only attracted to a particular group of girls, not only sexually but emotionally as well. I never pictured myself with Chinese girl together and never had close Chinese female friends.
Of course, after I revealed my preference to my dad, he almost jumped to the roof. He said I am too naive and stupid and disloyal to the family. He believes all the foreign girls are promiscuous and materialistic, although he admits that Chinese women are materialistic too. He told me that interracial relationship can't never work out because " good foreign girls" wouldn't date outside their race and " foreign whores" are not marriageable. He said he doesn't mind I hire some foreign escorts for fun but never have serious relation with those girls. He suggests me to see shrinks and let them to correct my “abnormality", to escape my family's criticism, I fled from Beijing to Toronto, and hoping to start a new life here.
My father soon called me and apologized to me, he said I am the only child in the family and he wishes all the best for me. He allows me stay in shangri-la condo he bought last year; and promises to pay my tuition, but I need to get married before 25 and have my first child before 30. My father said Grandpa ( who is 90 now) wants to see his full-Chinese blood great grandchild before he dies, I never made any positive contribution to the family honor and this will be my last chance to do so.
I never want and probably will not become rich and powerful; I will be satisfied with atypical middle class, suburban life in North America. I am not a player, I only need one woman whom I loved and respected. (Shamefully admit that she needs to be that particular group ) I am currently dating a girl in my university, we have been dating since 2011, she has every quality I am looking for: tall, beautiful, funny, and well educated, her father is a senior executive of the local health integration network in Ontario. I didn't tell my father about this because he will get frustrated ( he probably wouldn't disown me since I am the only child)and cuts my allowance.
The only way I could think of to convince my father and my grandfather accept my girlfriend is to get her pregnant ( I know this is disgusting and unethical). I know my father will never reject my baby, my grandfather wouldn't be very happy but for sure he will accept he/she as a family member. My family has strong prejudice against single parenthood and they will accept my girlfriend because of our kid.
Any thoughts or suggestions? feel free to reply
My post was previously deleted due to the violation of the forum rule (racial discussion ), so I reworded some sensitive terms, please don't reply anything that may cause racial tension or debate. I am here seeking for advise only!! Thanks
Congratulations on learning very good English in just 6 years!
As I posted before:
It's tragic that the media (much of it US-generated) present warped images of Western women to the developing world. Your father shouldn't fall for that, and for the rumors and opinions circulating in China. Maybe if he gets to know your girlfriend, he'll change his opinion.
There's a serious shortage of women in China for men of your generation. From that perspective, you're doing a sensible thing.
Consider waiting until you've graduated and have found a job and are self-supporting before you tell your father about your gf. He won't be able to cut your allowance, then. Or get a part-time job now. btw, how would you change your visa status from student to resident or foreign worker if you want to settle in Canada? Have you researched this?
Would you mind posting the pin-yin for your name? I used to be able to read characters, but they are long forgotten.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-12-2013 at 02:08 PM..
Congratulations on learning very good English in just 6 years!
As I posted before:
It's tragic that the media (much of it US-generated) present warped images of Western women to the developing world. Your father shouldn't fall for that, and for the rumors and opinions circulating in China. Maybe if he gets to know your girlfriend, he'll change his opinion.
There's a serious shortage of women in China for men of your generation. From that perspective, you're doing a sensible thing.
Consider waiting until you've graduated and have found a job and are self-supporting before you tell your father about your gf. He won't be able to cut your allowance, then. Or get a part-time job now. btw, how would you change your visa status from student to resident or foreign worker if you want to settle in Canada? Have you researched this?
Would you mind posting the pin-yin for your name? I used to be able to read characters, but they are long forgotten.
My father is actually Canadian citizen (he bought that 10 years ago with just a half million dollor, if you know what I mean) I am not so worried about my visa status.
I definitely want to stay in Canada, as I indicated before, I don't want become politician or business man in China. I will be satisfied with a 40k job in Toronto, as I don't have mortgage, tuition or any other debts.
My name in Pin-yin is beiyangjiandui, which means northern ocean fleet. lol
Sexy name! Your parents have quite an imagination.
(joke)
Does your father visit Canada, then? So at some point, you'll have to introduce your girlfriend to him, or else hide her during his visit? How does she feel about this, or does she know how he feels?
Maybe you could recruit your mother to try to persuade your dad.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-12-2013 at 03:30 PM..
I think you have to question if your father's opinion is so sacred that you will sacrifice your own happiness to please him. You only get one life. What is important to you?
Its important to know if your girlfriend will be able to tolerate having a father in law that doesn't like her. Is she strong enough for this? What will happen when there are kids in the picture for example? Will she share them with her father in law?
I agree. You are acting as if your girlfriend has no place in the relationship between you, your father, and your grandfather.
And the only way you can "think" to keep them around is to "get her pregnant," under a time frame. Are you heir to a fortune? If you got her pregnant under false pretenses, she could sue you big time ...
At first I was very sympathetic ... the longer I read, the more I began to think your father was very practical. Your father is very traditional; most elders are. I was taught to believe that in China, younger generations are brought up to respect and revere their elders.
I could go on, but I think you are just acting very immature about this issue. I wish I could offer something, but I think it's your gf who's getting slighted her.
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I am not so worried about my visa status. 
No offense at all. My last tattoo is Chinese on my neck